Flowers for Sheldon
by regertz
Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…
1. Chapter 1

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part I…

A weary, somewhat stumpy, dark-haired Leonard Hofstadter trudges to his apartment door at the sound of steady knocking…

"Sheldon…?" groan… "Did you lose your…"

Wait…Sleep-befuddled brain clears a bit…

Sheldon would never just keep knocking…Even if the pattern is his…

"Who's there?...OW!..." groan as he jabs an eye trying to peer through keyhole…

"Me…" moan… "Open up…" moan…

He unlocked the door quickly… "Penny?..." he stared at the tall blonde…In gold lame and black dress, in the usual state of late-night bedragglement…She leaning on the doorframe, eyes red…

"Tell me I didn't sleep with Howard tonight…" she looked at him…

Howard?...He blinked…

"Howard…?" he repeated aloud…Uh… "Howard, who?..."

"Our…Oh…" groan as she moved her head… "Howard…We were together tonight, right?...I remember you were there…" vague stare, turning to a reproachful look…

"What?...Penny that was eight hours ago when you came in to ask if you looked ok…It's 4 in the morning…Howard went home hours ago, after spending Halo night with us…"

Uh…Careful look…

Now that you mention it…Howard did repeatedly note how "yummy"?...Eehew…Penny looked…

"He did go home, didn't he?" nervous tone…

"I'm asking you…He didn't go with me to the party?"

Leonard stared…Then burst into laughter…

"Howard? With you?...To a party…?"

Vague smile on her part… Right, impossible…

"I must have dreamed it…" she nodded…

Thank God…

"Thanks for easing my mind…G'night…" she turned, staggering a bit…

Wait…Dreamed? Of Howard?...

"Wait, Penny?" Leonard moved out into the hall after her…

Light snapping on in the living room behind him…

"Excuse me, is anyone aware of what time it is?..." a high-pitched twang…

"Penny…" Leonard had caught up to her in the hall…Rather easy in her condition…

"Huh?...Leonard?...What's up?..." she stared at him…

"You dreamed about Howard? Tonight?"

Dressed like that?...He did not say…

"Huh? Oh, I guess so…I don't know…" vague wave…

Apartment door slam…Leonard, frowning, turned back…

"Oh…Sheldon!..." he went to the door…Locked…Damn… "Sheldon!...Let me…"

Sound of rippling fabric, then soft thud…He turned to see Penny on the floor…

"Penny!…" he raced over…

"Oh…" moan…One eye popping open as he turned to face the locked door… "Sheldon!...Penny's had an accident!...Penny?..."

Took you long enough…she thought…

The door opened…Sheldon Cooper in all his nocturnal glory, including nightcap and bathrobe…Slippers…

"Sorry, we don't have a pregnancy kit available…" he turned to re-enter the apartment…

"Sheldon!...You jackass!..." Leonard cried… "Penny's fallen, call 911!…"

"What?..."

"911!...Hurry!..."

"No…I mean what did you just call me?..."

"For cryin' out loud, Sheldon…She could be hurt…I think she's unconscious…"

Ohhh…moan…

"Incorrect hypothesis…When will you learn to wait for data?" Sheldon frowned… "I'd've thought as an 'experimental physicist'…Please note I did the emphasis thing to suggest quotes around 'experimental physicist'…You'd have a better appreciation of the basic need for valid data…"

"Sheldon, just call…And I'm sorry I called you a jackass…"

"No need to apologize…A jackass is an intelligent, enduring creature of agility and surprising resilence…In effect calling me that would be something of a compliment, were I an average human being instead of a world-historical scientific genius…" he caught Leonard's fierce glare… "I'll call…"

"No…" moan…Penny rising slowly, grabbing at Leonard's arm… "Don't…I'll be ok…"

"Ok?..." Leonard stared… "You just collapsed on the hallway floor…"

And dreamt of Howard…He did not say…

And thought you might have slept with Howard…He did not say…

"It does sound like you may be experiencing some neurological problems, Penny…" Sheldon now on cell… "Though it could just be the after effects of too much alcohol and any other recreational drugs you let some gentleman caller feed you to enhance your promiscuous behavior…"

"What?..." she stood now, a bit wobbly… "Sheldon, I do not do drugs…"

"No?…Just alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, various aromatic compounds of a highly volatile nature…Natural opiates released during sexual encounters…Chocolate…"

"God, you aren't as smart as you think…" she grinned… "Those aren't drugs…"

"Actually…" Leonard sighed…

"Oh, damn…" Couldn't he once just blindly support me?...

"So, do I call in the paramedics?...She does look bad…" Sheldon noted to Leonard…

"I'm fine…" Penny insisted… "Just point me in the right erection…Direction…"

"More to the point, I'm sure…" Sheldon eyed her…

"Come on, help me with her…" Leonard pulled him into the hall…

"I don't see any need to engage in personal contact…She said she was fine and her motor skills are probably adequate for the task in hand, given her vocal performance…"

"Sheldon…"

"Oh, very well…"

"Just take an arm…"

"Will you guys sing me the kitty song?..." Penny asked, leaning on Leonard's shoulder, head lolling a bit…

"My exposing her to it's one of the high points of her existence…" Sheldon noted…

"Keys?...The door's locked…" Leonard shook the apartment's doorknob… "Penny, do you have your keys?…"

"Oh, yeah…" she nodded, patting her sides… "Ohhh…" sheepish tone…Ummn… "Guys?..."

"Meaning someone is either taking her to a hotel or making her comfortable right out here…" Sheldon noted… "I vote we let romance have a second chance…Good luck, Leonard, I hope you two will be happy…" he leaned Penny onto Leonard's shoulder and hurried back into the apartment closing and locking door…

Howard?...She dreamt of Howard…? Leonard thought, holding Penny up…

The next evening…Living room of Leonard and Sheldon's swinging bachelor pad…As the aforementioned Howard cheerfully called it before he caught Leonard's baleful stare…The other member of the quartet, Raj still pondering the bizarre news of one of the stranger nights of the Penny-Leonard encounters...Even Leonard not quite sure as to whether he'd spent the full night holding Penny up or no...AFter the first hour it having become more onto the quality of one of his dreams...Or nightmares...

"Guys…" Leonard sighed… "I think Penny has a drinking problem…"

"And just when did you reach that insightful and brilliant conclusion?…" Sheldon, slight sneer… "When she was throwing up on your slippers last night after you got her to her bedroom?..."

"How did you know that?..." Leonard glared…

"My hearing is extra acute…" Sheldon, smugly…

"Drinking problem…Right…Poor girl…And how do we turn this to our advantage?..." Howard, beaming…

"Howard?..." Leonard glared…

"I just think we should speak to her…" he noted… "It's starting to affect her life…Her work…"

Giggle from Sheldon…Leonard, glaring…

"Sorry…But to hear you say 'her work'…I must give a hearty guffaw and perhaps even a rousing back slap to indicate that you have made a good one…" he eyed Leonard's frowning face…

"Perhaps not…"

"I have to admit…I have noticed it…" Raj nodded… "Even when too paralyzed with fright at her beauty to speak, I've noted the gin on her breath and the glassy look in her eyes after 'a way too much'…As my mother calls them…Loudly…At each communication…You see a 'way too much' is…"

"We've all been there, Raj…" Howard cut him off… "Well, actually, none of us has been there but we live on hope of one day being invited…"

"I just don't know how to handle this without offending her…" Leonard noted… "I think she should…You know…See someone…"

"As opposed to drying out in a police detox tank…Yes…I can see that…" Sheldon nodded… "I suppose something should be done…I've grown used to her antic ways and none of you can sing 'Soft Kitty' like she does…"

"He's made such progress this past year…" Howard noted to Raj…

"Well…Lets not rush this…" Leonard, cautiously… "They do say it's important she be the one asking for help…"

"They?..." Sheldon eyed his roommate sourly… "You mean that recovered alcoholic who does infomercials about how his fourth-rate, ghostwritten book provides a magic cure for all addictions…?"

"Well…Uh…No, of course not…I mean trained professionals…" Leonard frowned…

"Oh…And you're an expert on that, how?...Can you give us a list of addicted family members who've successfully recovered and the methods employed…?"

"Sheldon…"

"I can provide a list of family members who don't even try to recover…Most of my family in fact are addicted to alcohol, certain prescription and non-prescription narcotics and evangelical religion…"

"Great…" Leonard frowned… "But that still…"

"Big deal…" Howard shrugged to Raj… "In my family it's the ones who aren't sloshed at every get-together we try to count…"

"Yes, me too, to my secret shame…Though my father did make a splendid recovery with a great deal of therapy…" Raj sighed…The others staring…

"Well, surviving the grinding poverty of India is a heavy burden…" he noted…

"Your father is equivalent of an American multi-millionaire…" Leonard shook his head… "What are you talking about?..."

"Ok…Fine…It was my mother's nagging that drove him to the betal nuts…" Raj shrugged… "But my point is I've seen a recovery done…And Leonard is right…Penny must want to be helped…There's proof in the literature…" he eyed the frowning Sheldon shrewdly…

Sheldon, bitterly… "You bastard…Now I'll be up all right reading…" rising and stalking out of the room…Raj grinning after him to the others…

"You know he really has made progress…" Leonard noted…

Penny's apartment door…

"Penny…" knock… "Penny…" knock… "Penn…"

Sound of bull horn makes Sheldon jump back…

Door opens, smiling Penny in UCLA t-shirt and shorts… "How do you like my anti-Sheldon device?...Howard wired it up for me…"

Sheldon staring…Still shocked…

Stymied?...By a mere master's degree engineer…?

"And I didn't even have to let him have a friend's phone number…" she noted cheerily… "He was happy to do it…"

Perservance, Cooper…Sheldon frowned… After all, I can't abandon the one person who can sing "Soft Kitty" as well as Mommie…

But careful stare…

"Yes?..."

"You seem very perky this morning?...Have you altered your choice of addictive substances or is this merely confirmation of your manic-depressive state?..."

She sighed… "Sheldon…"

"Because I'm here for an intervention and I need details as to your condition…Tell me…" he pulled out a clipboard with checklist… "What drugs or herbal substances did you take this morning?..."

"Go away, Sheldon…" she frowned, turning on heel…

"Hey, babe…" a deep male voice from the hallway stairwell… "I left my shorts in your bedroom…" a tall, dark-haired, muscular figure in jeans and leather jacket came into Sheldon's narrow-eyed glance's view…

"Oh…" Penny, nervously… "Hey, Tom…"

"Harry…"

"Whatever…Just a minute…"

Hmmn…Sheldon nodded…

"Natural opiates, of course…" he checked off a box…

"Harry" came over to him, eyeing him… "You Penny's…Nah, couldn't be…You here delivering stuff?..."

"No…" Sheldon replied, scrutinizing his clipboard…

"Here ya go… Pat…" Penny had returned, holding out a pair of underwear…

"Harry…And that's not mine…"

"Just be glad you're getting a pair back and go…Bye…" she waved…Sheldon looking after the latest bad dating choice…Returning to stare at Penny, who frowned…

"The 'bye' includes you too, Sheldon…Bye…You get double portions, lucky you…" she whirled round..

"I'm here to help because I care…" he said suddenly…She paused, startled…

Turning back slowly, eyeing him…Long, cautiously nervous stare…

"It's the alien pod Sheldon, isn't it?...Howard always said the pod would have to be nicer…"

"Penny…Nice to see you've learned a bit of sci-fi lore thanks to exposure to us, very promising, by the way for my proposal…I've seen your behavior become increasingly more to my original expectations of you and it disturbs me…"

"Am I right in thinking there's an intended compliment in there…Somewhere?..."

"When we met…I thought you were just…Well…What you were last night…And probably remained up to a few hours ago…But you've surpassed my expectations…" he paused…

"Really…" half-annoyed, quarter-amused, quarter- faintly touched…

He has made progress…

"Yes…I must confess you have occasionally transcended the limits of your upbringing…Easy enough as I am the prime example…Your rampant hormonal drives…Which I, blessedly, know nothing of…"

"Bull shit…" smile… "I've seen you change color when Amy's around…But…Go on…"

"…Your miserably limited education…And…"

"…My naïve stupidity…?" frozen smile…

"…And your overly naïve and warm heart…" he corrected...

"Jesus Christ…" she whispered…Stunned…

"No, but I'll have to do…" he noted…

"Penny, I think you're capable of more than you know…And this pattern of drunken binging is harming you…"

"Sheldon?...Are you really expressing concern for me?..." she stared…

"Amazing, isn't it?...It must be the power of 'Soft Kitty'…" he shook his head…

"Wait…" shrewd look… "Leonard sent you, didn't he?...He wrote all this out for you, didn't he?...Let me see…" she grabbed his clipboard…

"Sheldon, don't try to fight me, I'll hurt you unintentionally again…"

He released the clipboard…She scanned it, flipping pages…

"No script?..." she stared…Looking up at his annoyed face… "Here…" she offered the clipboard…

"Leonard didn't send me…" he snatched the board back… "But if you don't want my help, according to an all-night search of the literature on addiction, it's no use trying anyway…Damn Raj…"

"What?..."

"Here…I can at least recommend a good gastroenterologist for when your liver starts to fail…Soon…" he handed her a card, turning…

"Wait…" she called…He halted, not turning…

"Sheldon…"

"You have to ask…" he insisted, not turning…

"Sheldon…"

Nnnit…He hissed…Hand raised…

"Sheldon…Leonard didn't send you…He's not…Worried…?"

"Certainly he's worried…He started this whole thing by bringing his concerns to my attention…But he prefers to wait and review therapy options…And see if you ask for help…Which I suppose…Damn Raj!...Is the right course…"

"I know I've been overdoing it, a little since Leonard and I split…But…Am I really that…?" pleading tone…

"'Tom'?...'Phil'?..." he asked…

"Ok, I need help…" she sighed… "Help me, please?..."

He turned…Beaming smile…

"Then help is here…" he raised the bag he'd been carrying on his arm…Pressing button on a Ipad strapped to his arm…Music…

"Help!…I need somebody…Help!...Not just anybody!...Oh, won't you please, please help me…" the Beatles' "Help" playing…

"What's…That…" she looked nervously at the bag… "And please turn off that music, I get the point…"

A pod could fit in there…She noted to herself…As Sheldon shut off the Ipad…

"I've made an extensive review of the literature on addictive therapy…"

"You watched that guy's infomercial?...Aw, Sheldon, that's sweet but I don't think…"

He glared…

"Ok, I did buy the book…" she sighed…

"A ridiculous waste of your limited funds…But I was frowning in disapproval at the thought you thought I would rely on an infomercial to help you…Me, Dr. Sheldon Cooper…"

"But you did watch it, right?..."

"Only for comparative analysis…" he pulled out some items from the bag…

"We might be better off discussing this out of the hall…" Penny eyed him…

"Really?...Yes, I suppose that would be easier for me and it would enable me to set up the equipment properly…And the others might voice some ridiculous objections to my earnest efforts to help a friend…"

Oh…She suddenly burst into tears, hugging him as he recoiled… "Sheldon, you've made so much progress…"

Penny's living room…Sheldon nervously struggling to find a comfortable spot on her sofa…

"So…?" Penny, seated next to him, eyed the book of plug-ins he'd set down… "These are like self-improvement tapes?...I play them by night and it helps me curb my drinking?..."

He paused in setting up the player, frowning…

"Please…" he shook his head… "This isn't some nonsensical self-help session with some unscrupulous person with minor acting ability trying to foist a slick sales pitch on you…This is the latest in neurogenic mental enhancement…"

"Really?..." she stared… "Cause it looks like a set of headphones and a bigger mp3 player to me…"

"It does provide recorded reinforcement, yes…" he sighed…Eyeing her… "But it also stimulates the neuronal firing patterns and the method of neural access is revolutionary…"

"Sounds like the pitch I heard the other night at 2am…After Phil…"

"Harry…" Sheldon corrected…

"Whoever…"

"Now wait…" she looked at the headphones and the metal ring wired to them… Rather like something from some old monster movie… "This accesses my brain?...As in pumping stuff directly in?..."

"Very good…" Sheldon nodded, impressed… "In an unsophisticated nutshell, that is it…"

"Oh, no…No…" she got up… "You are not messing with my brain…"

"Think of it as cleaning up the mess already present…" Sheldon noted calmly, staring up at her… "Could anything make things worse in there?..."

"Sheldon…I don't want you putting things into my brain…How do I know what you might do in there?..."

"Help you tap the unexploited 90…In your case, probably 97.5% of neural ability you've been wasting all these years…And getting you out of a pattern of behavior ruining your life and prospects…Without a trip to some sleazy 'clinic' where your money will be taken and all you'll get out of it-some agonized, expensive drying out, doubtless followed by a number of visiting "Harrys" hitting on you and getting you right back into your old pattern, thousands of dollars…Well, your parents of course…Poorer…"

"…Tap?...Tap how?..." she sat cautiously…

"The device should stimulate your brain activity as well as allowing you to access the vast accumulation of data I've gathered…Along with an injunction to avoid excessive drinking or addictive substances…Penny, I'm not only offering you a chance to curb these drunken escapades before they cost you your health and your…Well, who cares about the Cheesecake Factory job…But your career could be measurelessly improved…" He patted the book of pull-ins…

"This data includes the entire collection of Western dramatic literature from the ancient Greeks through Shakespeare to the moderns…Not to mention the entire selection of all the Star Trek scripts, Battlestar Gallactica, and Eureka and Warehouse 13, up to the present episodes…Plus everything I know about physics, mathematics and all those little fun sciences, like biology…In short, Penny…I am offering you…The accumulated wisdom of Sheldon Cooper…Plus a few other supposedly great thinkers…"

"What?...Sheldon…I thought you just wanted to help me quit drinking…Some…" nervous glance…

"Yes, but this is a chance to expand the human horizon, Penny…If I can pass this data on to you…Think of the possibilities…I could do it for anyone…The whole world suddenly functioning on my level…"

She giggled suddenly…

"So you'd just be an ordinary dork in a world of people as smart as you are but most of them much cooler…?"

Hmmn…

Hadn't thought of it that way…

"Well, perhaps it would be one small step forward at a time, with ample time for me to keep well ahead of the curve…Well?..."

"Sheldon…I dunno…" she sighed, staring at the headphones… "What could happen to me?...I mean…Could I get brain damage, lose my mind?...Become an arrogant, annoying, control-freak jackass?..."

"Become at least Leonard's equal intellectually?..." he eyed her shrewdly…

"As for physical damage, it's highly unlikely…"

"You…Rat…" she fumed…

"Actually in this case you would be the rat, I'd be the scientist…Mad, if you really want to push the sci-fi analogy…I know you broke up in part because you felt inferior to Leonard…" he looked at her stricken face calmly… "Happens to me with people…All the time…As they are all inferior to me…"

"Has he said?..."

"No, of course not…And he doesn't feel that way…You do…" Sheldon eyed her… "It's your own sense that you're not making the best use of your abilities that's damaged your relationships and is threatening your life and career…This is a chance…Not a guaranteed one, I grant you…But a chance…To experience functioning on a whole new level…The Sheldon Cooper level…"

"Didn't you say it included other great thinkers?...So wouldn't I be kinda…Smarter than you?..." arch look…Which he returned with narrow-eyed stare…

"I think that would be physically impossible…" he noted firmly… "Still, I've no way of being sure how much this would enhance your abilities…At least though you'd see improvement and it should help you curb your more reckless behaviors…" he held out the earphones with metal forehead band, now connected to the main player…

"A chance of being smarter than you?...I'm in…" grin…

God, that bastard Leonard had better appreciate what I'm doin' for love of him…


	2. Chapter 2

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part II…

"So…" Penny eyed the group before her… "Who's up for some sci-fi trivia on Battlingstars night…?"

"Battlestar…" Leonard correctly, gently…Glancing at the others…

Penny?...Asking to join us on Gallactica night?...

"Right, right…" she nodded…Sheldon observing carefully…

"No date tonight?..." Leonard asked, attempting to feign innocent curiosity…

"Nah…I thought I'd have a quiet one and just hang out with my buds…If that's ok?...I've been readin' up a bit and I thought I'd check myself out on all that Galactic stuff…"

"Oh…Well, sure…" Leonard nodded… Readin', right…Howard sighing slightly…

Much as I love the idea of spending an evening two feet away from those awesome curves…To sit through her trying to pretend she knows anything about the new…Or classic…Gallactica?...He eyed her in her light sweater and shorts…

Hmmn…

"Right over here, hon!..." he beckoned… "Raj, make room for our girl…" he shoved, Raj groaning…

Sheldon narrowly gazing on her, appraising nod to her as she sat…

Observational log, Dr. Sheldon Cooper…

March 24th 2012…

On second encounter of eighth day of the protocol, subject shows little change intellectually, though fairly marked behavioral changes have appeared, including increased tolerance for sci-fi trivia and a reduced desire to copulate within a 24 hour cycle with an athletic and overtly sexually attractive male unknown to the subject…Definite reduction in the use of addictive substances, primarily alcohol…However I must note these changes may be related to her stated desire to "clean up her act" and fear of the protocol device, requiring her to remain in or near my presence at all times in case of harmful side effects, limiting access to said unknown males and beforementioned addictive substances…

"Wait, I know!…" eager hand wave at the picture card on table… "That's a…" Intense concentration… "Guy in a robot suit!..."

'Close enough…10 points…" Howard beamed…Patting her hand as she beamed…

"Close enough?..." Leonard queried, staring… "It's a second-generation Cylon centurion…"

"I was gonna say that…" Penny noted, arch smile to Sheldon…See…I'm already expanding all over the place mindwise…

"Howard…" Leonard fumed…

"She got the gist…And I'm judge tonight..10 points…" Howard, smiling at her…

"Sheldon?..." Leonard looked to the supreme arbiter…

Who pondered…Moral dilemma…

Don't want to risk hindering the experiment through negative reinforcement…Yet…

C'mon…A "guy in a robot suit"?...

Still…Science must come first…Even over Battlestar Gallactica Trivia Night…

"I think…" grim set of jaws… "It can pass, if the judge has ruled so…"

Oh, Ron Moore…Forgive me...Mea culpa…Mea culpa…Mea maxima culpa…

"Hello all…" Voice of Amy Fowler at door… "My experiment finished early…So I am able to accept your invitation belatedly…." She entered, removing light overcoat, dressed in blouse, sweater, skirt…Glasses securely perched…

"Amy, hi…" Leonard rose to greet her…Taking coat…

"Amy…Here to watch me kick nerd trivial ass?..." Penny cheerily hollered to a shocked Amy's staring surprise...

And…She's in my spot…

"Ah, hello friend…Of the female persuasion…" Sheldon noted Amy's existence with vague wave… "Everything went well…?"

She came over, seeking a spot…Slight glare at Penny…Taking seat by Raj who managed to squeak out a vague greeting…

"Metza-metza…" she shrugged… "The stage five rats died this afternoon…I guess the strain of neural enhancement was just too much…But it opens a new door to check out in the research…And I got a free night out of it…So, tradeoff!…" she offered a high-five…Which after a moment's hesitation by the guys, Penny took….

"They what?..." Sheldon, slight gulp…"I thought you said physically there was no danger…Physically…And death is a bit physical…"

"Died…It happens…" Amy shrugged… "Not to say I don't cherish each and every animal I work on but such is life and animal experimentation…So I bagged the little suckers into the deep freeze and here I am…"

"But…How did they die?..." Sheldon, a bit urgent… "Surely you've determined the cause of death?..."

"Not yet…" involuntary sigh at Sheldon's lack of eager… "Honey, you're home!" emotional appreciation… "We'll autopsy them tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow?..." he frowned… "You've got to autopsy them now…We have to know…"

"Why?..." Leonard cut in… "They'll keep in the deep freeze…And it's Amy's work not yours…"

"Ok…." Penny was busy with another card… "Boomer…is…A super hot, powerful…"

"…woman…" Howard hissed… "Hey…" Raj frowned…

"…Right…Woman…I wasn't going to say space cannon…" Penny nodded…

"What fleet…?" Raj asked, shrewd look…

Uh…Cylon guys?...

"And 20 points for unmasking the Cylon double agent…Nice…" Howard patted her shoulder…

"The judge is impressed…" he noted archly…Leering…

"Don't touch my shoulder again, Howard…" she regarded him coolly…

"Am I hot tonight?..." she beamed to the group in general, shaking fist in air…

"Quick…Is fever any part of the final symptoms before death ensues?…" Sheldon desperately hissed to Amy, sliding over to her…

Her one thought…

He moved from his spot to be in proximity with me…Wide smile…

"Come on…!" he rose suddenly, pulling her to her feet with one arm…She staring…The rest all staring…

"We have to go…" he paused…Ummn… "Have sex in a private environment miles from this building…"

"Absolutely…" Amy nodded… "Good night, everyone!..." she waved…

"What?..." Leonard stared…As Sheldon pulled Amy to the door…Rummaging through the coat closet… "Here, take mine…" he tossed it at her…She, eagerly accepting…

"Sheldon?..." Leonard stared at him as the couple headed for the door…

"What can I say…Hormonal drives are just too strong…" Sheldon shrugged…

"Oh, God, yes…" Amy nodded…They hurried out the door…Slamming…

"What just happened?..." Leonard, blinking at the others…

"Sheldon got lucky and we are sitting playing trivia…As usual…" Howard noted…

"Knew he had the hots for that girl…" Penny nodded sagely…

Sheldon had made hasty partial explanation in the hall…

"So…You've been using the test system…On Penny…?" Amy stared…As they hurried to find a cab…

"You'd told me it was highly successful…With no side effects predicted or observed…"

"...On rats, Sheldon…And we hadn't finished the test sequence…How could you go and experiment a untested device on a human being…?"

"Penny needed help with her errant behavior and I wanted to preserve my intellect for future generations…We have to find out what killed those rats…!"

"Fine…Wait…" Amy frowned… "You say your intellect…You were feeding your intellectual data into the system…?"

"Of course…I'd already made extensive neural recordings for you…"

Which I shall cherish till the day I die…She did not say…

"It was primed and Penny was willing to try…I thought if you felt it was safe to record impressions from me…"

Wait…

"What about me?...Am I going to die too?...Oh, God…I feel ill…Will I die?..." he stared at her…

"Only if the University Human Subjects Committee finds out…" she glared… "Sheldon, I wouldn't have let you use it if there were any danger in the neural uplink…But we'd better go…I can't believe you'd try the system on Penny…Give your intellectual abilities to her…"

And not your eager lil' puddin'…

"…I mean, even if there was no risk, the ethical issue…"

"She was spiraling downward…And I'd seen how well the rats responded…Behaviorally and intellectually…Until they died…"

Amy flagged the passing cab and they headed off for the university…

"Did she show behavioral and intellectual changes?...What I am saying, she was at Galactica night and seemed to be enjoying herself…"

"Only a few behaviors…I wasn't sure since it might have been her eagerness to change…Nothing intellectual that I've noted…"

"She seemed to be acing trivia…?" careful look…

"That was just a sexually biased judge…"

"Ah, Howard, randy again, eh?...Too bad we had to leave…" she noted… "He always gives me bonus points when he's in that state for removing my shoes...Slowly…In front of him…"

Though I'd much rather do it for…

"I'd better call Leonard and see if Penny's showing any physical symptoms…" he whipped out his cell…

"Leonard…Leonard…Leonard…Yes, I know you picked up, but it was just in case I got your voice mail… How's Penny?...What?...Why?..."

"Be casual…" Amy hissed…

"Just wondered if she was still having a bang-up night at Galactica trivia…Oh?...Could you put her on?...What?..." he looked at Amy…Mouthing "Why?..."

"You need her advice on coitus…" shrewd look…

Hmmn…He returned look…

Very good…

And you will…Well played, Dr. Fowler, she told herself…Sly concealed smile…

"You need what?...!" Leonard to phone…

"Ok…Gaius Baltar, supergenius guy…" Penny eyed the image on screen…

"Wow…" Howard, nodded…And no help from the judge, damn it…

"Gotta admit…A hunk like that's hard to forget once you look at his card…" she noted…

"So true…" Raj sighed…

"Pity life doesn't imitate art more frequently…" Penny sighed, eyeing Gaius…

Heh…Howard chuckled…

Hmmn?...

"Did she just diss us with a surprisingly apt paraphrase?..." he hissed to Raj…

"Indeed…" Raj nodded… "Very apt…"

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part III…

Department of Neurology and Neural Sciences…Animal Facilities…

Hallway outside the Cadaver Storage Freezer Area…

"Time?..."

"Fifteen seconds…"

"All right…Synchronize…Ten…Nine…Eight…Seven…Six…Five…"

"Sheldon, you're counting too slowly…Three..Two..One…"

Flashlight moving round…The two pulled back as much as possible into a corner…

The light disappeared…

"Ok…He's moved on…" Amy hissed…

"Good…" Sheldon caught breath…

"Thank goodness my lithe and compact frame allowed for us fitting into such a tight corner…" he noted…

Yeah…Amy breathed…Stepping from the corner of divine bliss, forever to be engraved on her heart…Even if it's right next a chamber containing 10000 dead and frozen animal cadavers…

"Though I still don't see why we had to hide from the guard…We're both university researchers with ids and you work here late all the time…"

"It might have been difficult to explain why we were doing a removal at this time…" Amy hastily explained…

Like Leroy the guard hasn't seen enough of that…For everything from pure research to college frat pranks to satanical rituals by that weird anthropology professor they had carted away two years ago…

"Well, lets get our rats for examination and get into the lab…A life may be at stake…" Sheldon noted…

She nodded and moved to the freezer room door…Pulling keys…

"That's truly compassionate of you Sheldon, worrying about Penny so…"

"Hmmn…?" He stared… "Oh, Penny…Right…Possible fatal consequences of my unauthorized human experimentation…Yes, that's almost as bad too…"

They entered…

"Awfully cold in here…" he noted… "Lets be quick…"

"We can go out through the tropical lab by the exit in the rear…" she noted… :It's so beautiful there…And less chance of being detected…"

"Fine, fine…" he noted, shivering… "But lets move things along…I'm freezing…"

"I can take care of that…" Amy beamed… Opening freezer… "Here they are, my poor little sacrificial lambs…Oh, guys…" she sighed at the plastic freezer bags at the top of the freezer containing that which Sheldon dared not gaze upon… "I'm so truly sorry…If it was anything I did…I just want to say…"

"Could we do our rat services in the warmer climates…?" Sheldon hissed…

"Right…" she nodded, taking the bags and putting them under her coat…My coat…Sheldon thought in horror…

"Must you do that?..."

"I need to warm them up a bit…They don't come out well nuked in the microwave…Come on…"

Leonard and Sheldon's living room…Where a feisty debate now raged…

"Now…Come on, Penny…" Leonard shook his head… "You can't tell me you know the encrypted codes for the Colonial defense system that Gaius Baltar gave to Number Six…Even if Sheldon gave them to you as a joke, you'd never remember them…Don't bluff us like this…"

"It's no bluff…" Penny, archly… "I can see them in my mind…Clear as my dress sizes…And Sheldon did not give them to me…Though…" grin…

"He may have 'primed' me a little…"

Oh, if only they could get the pun…she grinned… "But, look I can show you how to get them from the Galactica archive online…That must be where…" Uh… "That's how I got them…"

"No way…" Raj shook his head… "I have to challenge you too, girl…I've watched the pilot twenty-six times under extreme magnification, I've covered the archives from every angle and line of code I could get and I have never gotten the codes…"

"But Sheldon did…They're in the judges' manual right?..."

"If you have them written down as crib notes, that's a violation…" Leonard eyed her…

"No way…" Penny frowned… "I'm no cheat…Unless it's absolutely required…And I'm not cheating here…Here…" she went to Leonard's laptop… "Watch…" she typed…The guys clustering round in growing wonder…

"I wouldn't have believed she could find the Galactica website and archive…" Leonard noted quietly to Howard…

"There…"

She wrote a series of numbers, symbols, and text down on a sheet of paper…Folding it in two…

"Watch her…She has magic in her fingertips…" Raj cautioned… "She may be able to make writing appear and disappear…"

"What?..." Leonard frowned…

Your Honor… She handed the slip to Howard, who opened the sheet with due formality…Glancing to a book in which the most important trivia texts were stored…

"By God, the girl is right…" he nodded at the scrap of paper… "The encrypted defence codes…The whole fate of the Colonial Federation lies in her hands…"

Hah!...Penny, beaming…

"Do you know what this means?..." Howard sighed to the others…

"Yes…" Leonard stared into the distance…Raj solemnly eyed Penny…

"What?..." Penny, staring…

"Only Sheldon could obtain those codes after years of endless data mining, sifting through old episodes, message boards, encrypt…er public emails, production notes, memos from Ron Moore's trash…"

"Beautiful home Mr. Moore has…" Raj noted…

" …And Sheldon would never voluntarily give them up…To anyone…" Howard noted…

"No, he would not…" Leonard, eyeing Penny… "Not even to pull our legs…It's true…You got the codes…"

"What hath God wrought?..." Raj, staring…

"The King is dead…" Howard, beaming… "Oh, thank God…And long live the Queen!...Please…" he rose, formally… "Take your throne, your Majesty…" Indicating Sheldon's spot…

Raj?...He eyed Raj, sitting in the sacred spot…

"Aw…You guys…" Penny, grinning…

"Raj?...My spot?..." she eyed him…

Tropical environmental lab…A veritable mini-paradise of luxuriant vegetation…Palm trees, lovely scented orchids, running artificial stream…

"Oh, dear…" Amy, mock panic… "What a dunderhead I am…I forgot the key to the exit has to be used to exit this lab…And I don't have it…"

Sheldon, frowning… "Well…No problem…We'll just have to go back through the freezer area…" he turned…Fussing at the door out…

"A problem?..." innocent tone…

"This door appears to have locked when it shut…Oh…Tell me you do have a key?..."

"Oh, yes…Absolutely…" Amy nodded… "In my office…"

"What?..."

"Oh, now…Sheldon…It'll be fine…We are two of the greatest minds at this university…We can figure out how to open a locked door…" she noted…

"That's a 'brains in your fingers' job…" Sheldon frowned… "I don't have brains in my fingers…Those went to my brother and cousins, along with alcoholism, a taste for guns and hunting small animals, and an inability to earn more than 40000 dollars per year…"

"We'll figure this out, Sheldon…We just need to apply our mutual brain power…Together…Here…On the floor…"

"On the floor?..."

"Where we can draw out the schematics of the lock system…Come on…"

"Oh…Very well…" he glared… "But lets try and do this before these dead animals turn from popsicles to putrid slush…Have you got a marker or pen?...Oh, I've got one stuck in my pocket here…"

"Just come down here and I'll help you get it out…" she knelt down…Taking off coat…

And…Shoes…


	3. Chapter 3

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part IV…

The terrifying events of the past few hours having so rocked the world of Sheldon Cooper that in desperate desire to return to the one place of security in reach outside his mother's womb or grandmother's lap, and owing to lack of ability to obtain a cab home, he has taken the incredible step of a bus ride…

And with She Who Betrayed His Trust For Personal Pleasure…

"Sheldon…" tap on upturned binder taken from the cadaver lab…Intended to be used to record the results of the rat autopsies…Now useful solely as protection and barrier… "Sheldon…" pause… "Sheldon…Sheldon…"

"You know, that's very annoying…" he put the binder down…Glaring at Ms. SWBHTFPP…Formerly Amy Fowler…

"Sheldon…I…"

"You lied to me…" he glared… "You got me over to the lab on false pretenses…You knew the rats didn't die from the neural link system…They had indigestion…"

"I didn't know…For sure…We had to be sure, didn't we?…Besides, they wouldn't have died if they hadn't been enhanced enough to open the food pellet boxes and gorge themselves to death…"

"Well, no problem…Since Penny already knows how to open refrigerators…I think…" he frowned… "And even without a knowledge of rat anatomy, anyone could tell those rats died from over-eating…Ironic, really…They truly became Americans in their brief time on these shores…"

"All right…" she sighed… "I took advantage of your concerns…But you did endanger my career with unauthorized experimentation…And…" she looked away… "…You did betray me, too, you know…"

"Betray?...Me?…Betray how?..."

"You gave Penny the neural uploads…From you…Sheldon…?"

"It was a scientific experiment…What, are you angry that Penny might get credit?...Believe me, there is no way that waitress gets a spot on any paper including my name…"

"Sheldon…" Amy sighed… "I wanted to have a piece of you…For myself…I was even hoping…Once we confirmed the system was safe…That you might…"

"Might what?..." he stared… "Oh, my lord…A neurologist's mental wanderings in my finely tuned brain?...Please…"

Cold stare… "Well maybe you'd prefer a Cheesecake Factory/ 'actress'/slut's memories?...And I hope you noted the emphasis representing quotes around 'actress'…" Amy fumed…

"God, no…" Sheldon blanched…"Woman, what are you thinking?..."

"Sorry…"

"You should be…The very image of anything 'crossing over' from Penny back to me…" he shuddered…

"Sorry, Penny…I mean…" Amy, narrow-eyed, angry stare… "It was rude of me to call my best friend a slut out of jealousy…"

Tears…

Sheldon, staring, shocked…

"Oh…" Amy moaned… "I wanted it to be magical…That's why I wanted to do you in the Tropical Environment Fauna and Flora Lab…It's so beautiful there, especially at night…"

"Amy…They store disease cultures in there…I couldn't get on that floor…Let alone…Fornicate there…"

"I know…But they're not stored there at this time of the year…" she sobbed…

"I thought we agreed that we would reproduce in a hygienic way…"

"I wasn't planning to reproduce, Sheldon…Not tonight anyway…"

"Oh?...Then why?...Ohhh…" he nodded… "I see…"

"You are making progress…" she noted, through tears…

"Ok…" Howard eyed the new Queen… "When the Gorn captain faces off with Kirk…What was the secret weapon the Metrons had left for him?..."

"Gunpowder-propelled diamonds…" Penny, benevolent smile…

"Oh, God…Now this is scary…" Raj shook his head… "One hundred utterly arcane questions on some of the most trivial bits in science-fiction and she's gotten everyone right…"

"Come on guys…So I read a little and picked up a few details…" she shrugged… "You're my buds right?...I love you and you love me right…Buddies?..." Glance Leonardward…

"Oh, we are well past love into total adoration…" Howard shook his head…

"Something's wrong here…" Leonard frowned… "Penny, you say you just took a few 'pointers' from Sheldon to research trivia and did a 'little reading' and now you spout trivia like a female Howard…?"

"Yeah, well…More like a female Sheldon…" she insisted… "I mean, come on…Could Howard match what I've been coming up with…No offense, honey…" she smiled to Howard…

"None taken, your Majesty…" he bowed…

"Well…I should get home and go to bed… I wanna rehearse a little tomorrow before work…There's an audition for a part in 'Romeo and Juliet' at the Community Players that I wanna try for…I wasn't gonna, but now I feel like I should try for it…"

"'Romeo and Juliet'…?" Leonard blinked… "And you want to try Juliet?..." He eyed Howard…Who shrugged…

One must not offend the Queen, sirrah…

"No…Juliet's cast…And while it's a fine part for a younger actress…I kinda think the Nurse is more for me…This time anyway…" Penny nodded… "More of a challenge to dig out the role, you know?..."

Leonard, chuckling… "The Nurse?..."

"She's pivotal…" Penny frowned… "And while it might be fun to try and project the innocence of a 14 year-old girl of amazing maturity and intellect, I think with my 'salty' persona and experience, if I can just add a few years, I'll really bring weight to the role…Especially if I keep eating…G'night guys…

'Well, Susan is with God. She was too good for me. But, as I said, On Lammas Eve at night shall she be fourteen. That shall she. Marry, I remember it well. 'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years, And she was weaned—I never shall forget it—Of all the days of the year, upon that day. For I had then laid wormwood to my dug, Sitting in the sun under the dovehouse wall. My lord and you were then at Mantua.—Nay, I do bear a brain'…" she quoted as the guys stared…

"Penny…?" Leonard stared…

"Huh…?"

"That's amazing…I didn't know you knew the part…Any part…So well…"

"There are sides to me, Leonard…" she smiled at him… "And if we go multidimensionally, potentially infinite ones…" she eyed him…

"Walk the Queen home?..." she grinned…Holding out an arm…

"Only if you promise to show me a few of these 'sides'…" Leonard grinned, taking arm…

"Oh, but wait…Majesty!..." Howard cried, trying to rush forward…

"Dude…" Raj put up an arm… "We must know our place…" Howard eyeing him, nodded…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part V…

"Love…Exciting and new…Come abroad…We're expecting you…"

Shot of Leonard and enhanced Penny with leis, Leonard in flowered shirt and white suit, Penny in organdy dress, waving from the railing along the 'Love Boat' deck…

"The Love Boat soon will be making another run…"

Cut to shot of Raj as Captain in white uniform and shorts, captain's head…Solemn nod of head to us…

"The Love Boat…Promises something for everyone…"

Howard with former mustache, as Doc, white uniform, shorts…Grin to us, leer at several passing girls…

"Set your course for Adventure, your mind on a new Romance…"

Guest star life preservers…Sheldon in flowered shirt, leis…Amy in rather loose dress, looking beautifully like that actress/neurologist who used to play TV's "Blossom"…Likewise in leis…

"And Love…Won't hurt Anymore…Like a tender smile on a friendly shore…"

Leonard, Penny…Amy, Sheldon…Together on "Love Boat" deck…

"Oh, Sheldon…I hope you enjoy your retirement with Amy now that Penny is replacing you at the University…" Leonard begins…Penny, beaming smile… "It's so nice of you not to ask to share her Noble Prize…She's giving me part credit even through my crappy, childish experimental physics played no part at all in the success she stole from your brain…"

AAAARRRRRUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!...Sheldon, shocked awake…

"Oh, my God!...What have I done?..."

"Sheldon?..." Amy rolls over, still in lovely Myaim Bialik form…

"Oh, Amy…I've done a terrible, terrible thing…I've created my own superior Frankenwaittress…"

"Baby…Sweet baby…" Amy embracing…Cooing… "Baby…baby…baby…baby…baby…"

"Sweetness, that is very annoying…" he frowns…

"Oh…Moon-pie…How's about this?...Soft Kitty, warm kitty…Little ball of fur…" Amy's voice changes to Penny's…

"No…"

"Your worst nightmare, replaced by Penny…Purr, purr, purr…" Penny grinning at him in bed…

Oddly, he notes…Still wearing that Mayim Bialik dress…

!...

Hmmn…He opens eyes…

Empty bed…Ok…

But no Leonard running in…Or more likely, unexplicably slow trotting in with some hang-dog expression as if some petty problem of his own mattered more than assisting me with my crisis…

"Leonard?..."

"LEONARD?..."

"Hello, Sheldon?..." he stared at his flat screen tv…Penny and Leonard in bed…Her apartment, he realized…

"Leonard?..." he asked, warily…

"Hey…What's up?...Penny suggested we set up a monitoring system so if you get fidgety, we can check in without my having to come all the way over…" Leonard grinned…

"Leonard…Are you really there?...Or am I dreaming…?"

"Sheldon…If this were a dream, I'd probably still stay it wasn't…But it's not…"

"Hey, Sheldon…" Penny beamed at him… "Do you like it?...We crept in while you were sleeping and installed the cameras and mics…"

"Which was a little creepy…" Leonard noted…

"You mean to say…" Sheldon pulled covers… "You just decided to invade my personal privacy and install camera and microphones in my bedroom?..."

"You did in mine…" Leonard noted… "And Penny thought you'd appreciate the enhanced ability to reach me…When I don't turn the system off…"

"Safety before personal privacy, Sheldon…A rule to live by…" Penny noted, beaming…

"And that's my rule…Penny…We have to talk…Now…"

"But my addendum says you can shut it off…Right over there…" she pointed…He looked to see a small controller… "So if it is bothering you any time, just turn her off…"

"Yes, but…"

"I'll exercise that right now…See ya, Sheldon…" Leonard reached for a control off-camera…The screen went blank…

"You might want to turn off your end, we can still see you, honey…" Penny's voice…

He turned off the system…Staring at the blank TV…

My God…It's true…She's fused my fantastic intellect…With her, whatever…To form…Shenny…

…My neuroses…Well, if I really had these "neuroses" everyone suggests I have…Made somewhat palatable by her warm, bubbly personality?...

Oh, God…What have I done?...

Still, no need to panic…Leonard seems unfazed by her…And if she managed to design and build a sophisticated monitoring system in one night, it hardly means she's become a threat…

Though…It does make sense that she would take steps to monitor me…Her creator…Her greatest potential rival…A threat, to be dealt with…With Extreme Prejudice…

And Leonard wouldn't notice anything wrong so long as she offers daily coitus…

Speaking of which…?

Did Amy and I?...In those lustfilled Tropical Environmental Lab aisles?...

Hmmn…No…I don't…Believe so…No…Right, my healthy fear of disease to the rescue once more…

Still…

"Amy?...Amy?...Amy?..."

Nope…Not lurking with some plan to rush out and demand a shotgun wedding…

Though God…She did look rather fetching as Miyam in that dress…

"I've got to call her…Get her help…Not that I can't handle this creation on my own, but…All right, calm…Again…No need to panic as yet…Last night I was all hot and bothered about the possibility I might have inadvertently murdered Penny with this experiment…Now today I'm just sure as Mother is of Jesus' return one day that she'll steal my place, my Nobel, and my thunder…But there's no absolute proof of that…No…Ok…Calm…We just call Amy over, invite her to whatever one calls breakfast at this hour…And get her opinion on this hideous travesty of nature I've created from a collection of ignorant and mediocre body parts…"

Penny's bedroom…

"Sheldon seems tense…Maybe you better go back home and see how's he doing?..." Penny suggested…

"Ohhh…Do I hafta?..." Leonard sighed…

"Leonard, you know how insecure he is…And those symptoms can only be exacerbated by removing the most comforting presence in his life for long periods of time…" she noted…

He blinked at her… Huh?...

"He needs his buddy, sweetie…Go…" she kissed him… "I need to prepare for my audition anyway…"

"Ok…The Nurse, right?..."

"Lets hope…" she grinned…He got up and headed for the bathroom…

Poor Sheldon…These symptoms are so clearly adding up to OCD and Asperger's syndrome…She sighed…I'm just gonna hafta go it slow though till I can convince Leonard to try and get him into therapy…Hmmn…I should go on-line while I have time and check out the latest strategies…

"I'm off…" Leonard called…

"Thanks!...Let me know how he is and if I can turn the monitoring system back on!.."

"Ok…" Door slam…

Sure, can't hurt to surf a bit…After all, I've got the Nurse down pretty pat…In fact, I could recite the whole darned play…

Wonder if it's working at all…I haven't been feeling the need to go out drinking alone much…And now Leonard's back!...God…But I don't feel any smarter, except that I seem to finally be able to concentrate a little…She pulled her laptop over…

"Lord, this is a dinosaur…" she eyed the screen… "I'll have to go shopping for something decent, like Leonard's or Sheldon's…Though…" she bit lip… "I would bet if I finagled a few parts from Howard I could pep this ole sucker up tout sweet…" she patted the laptop…

Hmmn…New trends in string theory…Lets have a little peck, shall we?...

"Oh God…Hah…Are these clowns kidding?..." she shook her head…

Well, just doing the best they can I guess…Benevolent smile… "But I should write them…It's so obvious they're on the wrong track…" She began typing…

Leonard and Sheldon's living room…

"Ah, Leonard…" Sheldon eyed him as he entered… "We can talk…I've made a sweep of the room for hidden monitoring devices…"

"You mean, like this one?..." Leonard pulled up a microphone from the kitchen table…

"Damn, missed that one…So…"

"Did we enjoy the resumption of coitus, Sheldon?...You betcha…" Leonard grinned… "She knew you were gonna say that…"

"Yes…I can imagine she did…Leonard?...Have you noticed anything…Strange?...About Penny, in the last few days…"

"So…It was you…" Leonard eyed him coolly… "I figured…"

"Uh…Let me rephrase…"

"Of course I've noticed something strange, you idiot!…She designed and built that surveillance system in two hours and only asked me to hold a screw driver and help her carry a couple of the larger boxes…And she aced every question we put to her in trivia last night…And not the usual Penny softballs…The toughest Sheldon Cooper questions…I've been keeping a watch on her…" he frowned… "What did you do to my girlfriend, Sheldon…?"

"Shouldn't you first thank me for helping you reconcile?..." Sheldon asked…A peevish tone… "And judging from that image of you earlier in the bedroom, your 'guard duty' has not been exactly arduous…"

"Sheldon…What did you do to Penny?...Why is she acting so…?"

"Me?..." beaming, innocent smile…

"Actually…Better than you…A you with a heart…"

"Ah…" Amy at door… "Good…So you've told Leonard everything…"

Sheldon waving silently, making desperate "No!" attempts…

"Oh, yes…He has…" Leonard nodded, smiling warmly while sitting on couch and stretching… "But I'd like your take on the situation, too, Amy…


	4. Chapter 4

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part VI…

"Leonard…"

"Don't talk to me…" Leonard waved Sheldon off… "Don't come near me…I will hurt you…"

"Leonard…" Amy tried… "Sheldon only…"

"You're defending him?...He nearly destroyed your career…If he still hasn't…" Leonard fumed…

"Now just…" Sheldon backed off at Leonard's fierce glare…

Whoa…Amy eyed the look…

Rather…Brutally sexual streak there…I can see where Penny gets her urgent desire for sex with this man from…

Sheldon catching her look in turn…Eyes narrowing…What the?...

Not again…

"Hey!..." he growled…

Hmmn?...Amy, innocent stare…

"I can't believe this, Sheldon…You used an untested neural linkage system…An experimental system…On Penny…Our friend…My girlfriend?..."

"I have to point out Leonard, your ethical bias seems quite self-centered…" Amy noted… "It would have been a greater moral crime had Sheldon done this to a stranger, say a homeless person or an overeager work-study student of limited intellect too stupid to even guess at the possible ramifications…" she eyed Sheldon…

You are forgiven, woman…But lets not let this happen again…Curtest of nods…

Ummn…She eyed Leonard's now rather less sexually brutal and more angry raging face…

"What?..."

"But it is terrible your girlfriend…My best friend…Was involved…"

"Uh…Point of order, here…I must point out that Penny was a more than willing volunteer…" Sheldon noted…Waving hand…

"Shut up…" Leonard, coldly… "She'd no idea what she was getting into…My God, you selfish idiot…You could have killed her, left her a vegetable…"

"Oh, no…" Amy insisted, cutting in… "We'd seen no such effects in our rats and rabbits experiments…"

"Rats?...And rabbits?..." Leonard, exasperated… "Who lets you people work at a university anyhow…?"

"Well, I was hired by…" Sheldon began…

"Shut up!..."

"Of course…Testing wasn't complete on all the animals…" Amy reflected… "And in fact the stage five…"

"Will be finishing testing tomorrow…" Sheldon cut in… "And I'm sure are so looking forward to the end of the experiment and the chance to see Jesus, as my mother would say…"

"Sheldon…Did I say the 'shut up' was lifted?..."

"No, but…" Hmmn…Sheldon backed off behind Amy as Leonard approached… Amy, a fiercely protective stance…Leonard halting, with furious look…Put hands up, calming…

"All right… So she's definitely experienced some effects…How much exposure…To…"

"Me…" Sheldon noted… "Oh, right…Shut…" he motioned zipping his mouth…

"…this system has she had…?"

"About eight nights, according to Sheldon…Is that right, Sheldon?…" Amy eyed him…He nodded…

"Eight nights?..."

"She'd completed…Completed, Sheldon?..." Amy looked over…He nodded… "The full book of neural plug-ins…Even had time to repeat two as a test…"

"Lovely…" Leonard got up… "All right…She has to have a complete neurology work-up, which Sheldon is paying for…And you are arranging, Amy, with a legitimate medical neurologist…"

"I'm perfectly capable…" she began…

"A legitimate, medical neurologist…"

"Fine, right…" Amy sighed…

"Today…" Leonard frowned…

"A medical neurologist…Today?...Leonard…" Sheldon chuckled, ending abruptly at Leonard's icy stare…

"It can't be done with a full work-up today, Leonard…"Amy sighed… "It's not possible…But we can set up emergency tests and get the neurology work-up wagon rollin'…"

"All right…Amy, you start making calls…" Leonard frowned…. "I'll go speak to her…And as for Dr. Mengele, here…" he frowned at Sheldon… "Your fate is in her hands…And I will carry out any punishment she deems necessary…"

He stalked out a moment later, glaring at Sheldon…

"I help her with her drinking…I assist in reuniting lovers like some sci-fi version of Puck…And this is what one gets for trying to help a friend…" Sheldon sighed…

"The 'shut-up' ban is not lifted…" Leonard's voice, from the hall…

He re-entered to their stares… "She's gone…" he shook his head… Penny, who never left for anything before 11am…Up and out by 8:30…

"Really?..." Sheldon nodded… "So another behavioral treatment success…Amy, this process is going to revolutionize neurology…Perhaps even make it a Science worthy of a capital letter…

"It has a capital letter, Sheldon…" Amy noted, drily…

Hmmn…"Well, I guess they give one to all the junior sciences these days…"

"Will you people both shut up?..." Leonard, fuming again…

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part VII…

Leonard and Sheldon's living room…All the gang with Amy assembled…

Waiting…Leonard's eyes on the clock…The others, eventually joining his stare…

"Twelve-thirty…Something's wrong…The audition was supposed to be at 9:30…" he fidgeted… "I'd better go over and see if she's all right…Amy?..."

"911 at a click of a button…A list of all neurosurgeons currently present in the city ranked in order of competence…Neurologist (medical/legitimate) on call" she held up Iphone…

"Ok, good…Be ready to call if any strange symptoms appear to be life- or mind- threatening but don't alarm her if she comes in…"

"I'll be the least alarming person in this room…" Amy nodded…

Which is even less difficult than usual…She noted to herself…Glancing round…

"I still say this isn't necessarily a hideous thing…" Raj interjected… "As Elizabeth Dana said in the second classic Star Trek pilot…The less 'cerebral' one…A mutated, superior human being could be a marvelous thing…"

"Indeed she is…" Howard, nodding…

"Penny is not 'mutated', Raj…" Leonard frowned…

"She isn't, is she?..." he eyed Sheldon and Amy… "Tell me no genetic manipulation was sorta 'thrown in'…"

"Leonard…" Sheldon, shocked tone… "That kind of experiment would be unethical…"

"Oh, now you have ethical sensibilities?..."

"Just to get the clearances for the animals would take months…" Sheldon noted… "And as my mother would say…God's little ones have no voice…Penny has a voice and that voice said… 'Sheldon, help me."…"

"Oh…You did it to 'help her…'?"

"We're here…And not on a plane to South America…" Amy helpfully noted…

Together…She did not say…

"Oh, please…" Leonard fumed… "You wanted a human guinea pig to 'preserve Sheldon's intellect'…And Penny seemed as good as another…"

"Not true…" Sheldon, annoyed… "With the plasticity of her personality and the emptiness of her mind, coupled to a rather surprisingly healthy physical chassis…Penny was the perfect subject…"

"Though my primary drive was a desire to help her…" he hastily added as Leonard rose up, furious…Raj and Howard moving to hold him back…

Amy, a bit peeved now, in turn… "Sheldon, you never said you'd evaluated Penny in such a detailed way…"

"It must have slipped my mind…But why are my motives suddenly being questioned?…I care about Penny as much as…" he eyed Leonard's glare… "Most of us…What, I can't be driven by my concern to go a little 'over the edge'?..."

"More like …Over a cliff, man…" Raj sighed…

"There wasn't any physical danger…That we knew of…And Penny agreed she needed help now…"

"Uh…" Leonard sighed… "That's not the point, Sheldon…And you don't know for sure if there are physical risks…For God's sake…You're a scientist…You know you can't extrapolate an outcome from a few animal tests and go work on human beings…"

"Actually we do it all the time…" Amy noted… "There's still no long-term data on botox effects for example and humans are all over the place, injecting themselves to get out those pesky wrinkles…"

"Enough…" Leonard waved hands… "I'm going to find her and make sure she's ok, and then we start testing her…And Sheldon…I'm telling you as a scientist and a colleague…Wipe that grin off your face…If anything happens to Penny…Anything remotely harmful…I'm going to the University…I mean it…" he eyed Sheldon coldly…

"Don't say that…" Sheldon, anxiously… "I love Penny…I'd never hurt her…She was in trouble…And I tried to help…" stricken face…

All staring…Sheldon?...

"I don't believe you…" Leonard, coldly…Moving to the door…

"Don't believe…I'm guessin' Sheldon?...About what?..." Penny's voice…

Leonard, having dismissed the lack of belief to a point about comic book trivia…The gang, by unspoken mutual agreement, was attempting to set Penny at ease while observing her…Sheldon waving Amy to pull out log notebook…

"So…How did the audition go?...Did we get the part?..." Howard hurrying over to where Penny stood, now just inside the door, to a T, the obsequious courtier to Her new Majesty…

"Pshaw, I know we did…How could they refuse us?...Might I take milady's jacket?...Oh, how lovely milady looks today…"

Leonard eyeing the others…Penny frowning…

"Back off a little, Howard…No offense…"

"Of course not, ma'am…A thousand pardons…" he sat back down…

Hmmn…Sheldon frowned… "Someone clearly wants a seat on the privy council of the new regime…" he noted to Amy…

"So…What's up, guys?..." Penny eyed the group now staring at her… "Want the lowdown or do I cut to the proverbial chase?..." beaming smile…

"So you did get the part?..." Leonard, smiling back… "And Howard's right…you do look lovely…"

"Indeed…Sexually attractive, yet amazingly understated…" Amy noted…

"Thanks…I wanted to look 'community theater classy'…Well…Sorta…As to the part…" she shrugged… "I'm the understudy…"

Phew…Now that sounds like our Penny…Collective thought but for Howard who glared…

"The vermin to deny you!..."

"Howard?...Enough…It's not funny now…" she eyed him…Waving him off… "And just a little creepy…"

He sighed, sitting back…

"Though not so much as usual, really…" warm smile…

All staring at her…

"Oh…" Howard choked tears back… "Oh, thank you, dear, dear Penny…Oh…Excuse me…!" he rose and raced toward the bathroom…

Leonard eyeing her…She shrugged…

"Suddenly seemed like it would take so little to make him happy…"

"Note the empathic progression…" Sheldon hissed to Amy, now taking notes…She nodding…

"Well…" Leonard paused to glare at Sheldon and Amy, collectively… "Understudy?...That's great…"

"Yeah…" Penny sat down next to him… "I could've have had the Nurse but it turned out Elisabeth Scranton was trying out for the part…The Elisabeth Scranton…" she noted…

"The old film actress?..." Leonard blinked… "For community theater?..."

"Hmmn-hmm…She hasn't been on the stage or before a camera in twenty years but her health's not so good and her doctors thought working on a part would perk her…And when I saw her there, struggling with the lines a little…"

"Wait…" Leonard looked at her… "You let her have the part and took understudy?..."

"It's only community theater, Leonard…And they made me assistant director…I guess I seemed to know the play pretty well…Really nailed it, actually…" she took a styrofoam cup on the coffee table and poured a glass of juice…Taking sip…

"Assistant director?..." Leonard, attempting a calm expression…

"See…" Raj noted quietly to the quietly returned Howard…Sorry all, just a little breakthrough on the childhood emotional abuse front… "I'd had no doubts it's being a good thing…Assuming it doesn't kill her…" Howard hissed back…

"Yeah…" she grinned… "Perhaps it was a kiddie production…" she eyed Sheldon… "That's what you were about to say, right?..."

He blinked, turning to the startled Amy…Good God…She anticipated my suave bon mot?...My clearly not so irrational fears and that bizarre dream fantasy this morning have grounding…

"No sweat, Sheldon…But what was really fantastic was our Juliet…Guys, this kid has tremendous talent…Though I could see she has some serious issues at home…I was working with her and I think I can help her bring forth her gift…" shaking head…

"Really?..." Leonard, choking a bit…

"Yeah…She has a natural sense of the part and an instinctive grasp of the nature of the character…She just needed someone to help her deal with problems in the text…"

"And who better than you?..." Leonard nodded… "To interpret Shakespearian text…"

"I felt like I was called to help that talent come forth…So when they asked me to be director…"

"Director?..." Leonard…Raj…Howard…

Sheldon, unfazed… Naturally…

"You said…"

"I couldn't take the director's job away from Toby…Toby Barrett…Their current director…He's not really up to the job but it's been his life for years now…" she shrugged… "But as assistant director, he's giving me carte blanche and I can shape the work and mold the cast better this way…Less confrontational, you know?..."

"Right…" Leonard nodded…

"Director would've been the only proper task for whatever fraction of my genius she's acquired…" Sheldon hissed to Amy, a bit peeved…

"So what are we up to?..." Penny glanced round…

"Oh…Just havin' brunch together…Shooting the breeze…Hanging out with the guys…Cutting the mustard…" Leonard, lamely…

"What?..."

"Why is he using all metaphors relating to use of deadly force…?" Sheldon hissed to Amy…

"I mean we're just having a nice time together…Glad you're back…Great news…" Leonard, hastily…

"Thanks…But the deadly force metaphors clinch it…" Penny sighed…Glancing round… "Sheldon told you, didn't he?...And Leonard's upset?..." she eyed them in turn…

"Really, guys…No sweat…I haven't noticed any effects at all, except I remember a few trivia bits from the tapes…And I'm focusing a little better…And I have cut back on the drinking…" she put up a hand…

"No effects?..." Leonard looked at her… "Penny…You designed a complete surveillance system for the apartment and built it out of Howard's stored old parts…In three hours…You can recite a complete part in Shakespeare…"

"Actually I recited the whole play…" she noted… "But I am an actress, Leonard…"

"And you aced Galactica…And our Sheldon Cooper intensive level trivia round…" Howard chimed in…

"This doesn't prove anything…" she shrugged… "I feel completely normal…And a little hungry…Raj, could you pass me that bagel?...You're not offering any conclusive data…But I love that you're concerned, honey…Leonard…Could we talk?..."

"Definitely…" he nodded… Rising… "But you are having a full evaluation…And 'conclusive data'?...That is not Penny-speak…"

"Why the hell not?..." she frowned… "I've picked up a lot of idiosyncratic bits from you guys…That's no evidence to suppose the process succeeded and my brain's operating on a higher level or that I've gained access to Sheldon's and the data set's accumulated knowledge…"

Is there?...She stared at the group…

"Penny…Lets talk, like you wanted…" Leonard suggested, taking her hand… "Amy, make that appointment…Please…"

"Excuse me?..." a deep male voice at the door… "I'm looking for your neighbor, a Ms. Penny…?"

"Hey!..." Penny called…Sheldon looking over, startled at the tall, gray-haired man in suit…

"Dr. Bradford Bentley, I presume…" he rose…Narrow-look…

"You…" Bentley stared back…Eyes likewise narrowing…

Penny stepping over… "Are you the Dr. Bentley I wrote to this morning?...On that string theory question?..."

"I am…" Dr. Bentley nodded… "But I see this was a joke by…Him…" he eyed Sheldon coldly…

"You wrote Bradford Bentley?...On string theory?..." Leonard stared…

"The paper his group put on line had a couple of errors…I just wanted to put them on the right track…" Penny explained, with smile to Dr. Bentley, still glaring at Sheldon… "Really, no big…"

Sheldon…Trembling…

"You gave Bradford Bentley…Pointers?...My pointers?..."

"Sheldon…" Penny gave casual wave… "In the cause of Science, there should be no boundaries or rivalries…"

"Bullcrap…" Dr. Bentley shrugged… "But if you really know your stuff as well as this note implies…I could use you on my team…"

"Well…" Penny reflected as the collective group stared…And Sheldon's jaw dropped in shock… "I do work and I am really busy these days…But I could squeeze in a little string time, I guess…" she grinned… "Though, really, Sheldon's the expert…"

"Devil-boy?...I'd never let him near my work…Or my lab…" Bentley frowned…

"It's a joke…"Amy, desperately, rising… "She's part of an elaborate deception on Sheldon's part to lure you into public humiliation…I'm sorry, Sheldon…Penny…But I must speak up…" Glance at Sheldon…

For you, my beloved…

Sheldon, staring…God…Woman…I…Love…You…

"I should've guessed…Very amusing…" Bentley shook his head… "Thanks for the review, though, Cooper…It actually did help…" he turned and left…

"Oh, wait…Dr. Bentley…" Penny rushed to the door… "There's another point I forgot to note…" she hurried out, Leonard racing after her…

"Penny!…"

Sheldon and Amy frozen, locked in mutual adoration stares…

Raj and Howard eyeing them…Then each other…

"So…Nice brunch, eh?..." Raj noted…

"Can't beat these bagels…" Howard agreed…


	5. Chapter 5

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part VIII…

Somewhere out in multidimensional, intergalactic space…Dancing over galactic clouds of stardust and…Elemental particles swirling, reforming, dissipating…Regathering…Taking shape…The very specific shapes of Amy and Sheldon…

"Up…Up…And Away…In my Beautiful, beautiful…Balloon…We can float among the stars together…You and I…For we can…Fly…Fly…"

"You know…" John DeLancie's Q in trial judge outfit, gazing upon the particlized forms of Amy and Sheldon… "Even the Q can't do this sort of pandimensional dancing well…"

"It's easily learnt…" Amy noted…Beaming smile upon Sheldon…

"Well…Not really sorry to spoil your fun, despite the indictation of a better nature to my character in the Next Generation final episode…" Q noted… "But I must terminate this fantasy…"

"Oh, no…No…" Amy protested… "We're about to swirl down together into a galactic core black hole and see what pleasures lie in total mutual integration and annihilation at all quantum levels…"

"I.e…Sex…" Q sighed… "Humans and their messy biological functions…I must say at least Jean-Luc kept his lower realms under control admirably…The Q had hoped for better of you both…"

"…And then I'm taking her for a chocolate shake and we're going home to watch the new Blue-ray master copy of Star Wars IV…A New Hope…" Sheldon noted…

"I.e…More sex…" Q sighed…

"Highly unlikely if we've already done it beforehand…I mean, not that I couldn't…Should we actually accomplish it here…Repeat it…Someday…" Sheldon noted… "I am finding the notion of utter integration surprisingly delightful just now…"

"The Q are disappointed in you, Sheldon Cooper…" Q shook his robed head… "And you, poorly dressed, Mayim Bialik clone…You have betrayed your destiny to join us one day on the Q continuum…"

"Hey…Watch upon whom you toss those apt, taunting bon-mots…This is my woman here…Grrr…" Sheldon glared, taking he assumed was a proper aggressive stance on the edge of a swirling island galaxy, as Amy beamed… "And who cares, you don't really exist as an omnipotent pan-galactic being anyway…This is just my fantasy…Now carry out your function here…"

"Hmmn…Even Jean-Luc never thought of that one…" Q, admiring tone… "Well, all right, I now pronounce you indivisibly merged, and one with the omnipotent species of various episodes…Though of course Sheldon retains a part of his independent superior existence…Welcome to the Q…" …Disappearing…

"Actually…Sheldon…" Amy, waving from her edge of the galaxy on which their particlized forms perched…

"I think this is my fantasy…"

"Really?..." Sheldon looked round… "I'd swear that this was my fantasy of our union…"

"Oh…Sheldon…" Amy, tears of joy… "We share the same fantasy?...Two vines in the Tropical Environmental Lab running over each other and due to a breech in the university reactor becoming fused on the quantum as well as genetic level…And this is the subatomic universe of bliss?..."

"Uh…No…We're elemental particles in a vast matrix perched on the edge of the Giant Galaxy in Andromeda…With Q officiating in our union with the Continuum…"

"Close enough…" Amy noted, happily…

"Howard?..." Raj eyed him…

"Yeah…" Howard took another cup of juice, leaning back in his seat with bagel, flipping TV channels…

"Do you think it's ok for them to remain locked in that frozen stare so long?..." he indicated the still frozen in mutual adoration Sheldon and Amy…

"I know it works for me…" Howard noted…

"What do you suppose…They're doing in there…?" Raj, standing now, walked around the two…Who took no notice of him as he circled around each…

"Off hand…I'd say they've finally established a quantum neural link…Sort of like Colossus and Guardian, the American and Soviet supercomputers in "Colossus:The Forbin Project"…A pre-Terminator evil computers movie…"

"Oh…What happened…?"

"They merged via the link and took over the world…About we've always expected when these two hooked up…"

"Then we're screwed, eh…?" Raj sighed, eyeing the couple…

"I'm afraid it was too late for Humanity the day they met, my friend…" Howard shook his head… "Another bagel?..."

"Why not…Since we're screwed?" Raj sighed…Taking bagel…

"Still…" Howard reflected solemnly…Looking away… "There is now…Another…"

"Leonard…It's sweet of you to be concerned…" Penny, walking with him back up the stairs after Dr. Bentley had made the sign of the cross at her eager pleas to wait and let her explain a few more points just outside the building front door, hollering, "Avant, devil-boy's minion!..." and rushed for his car…

"But really…I don't the thing had the slightest effect on my neural net…" she shook her head…

"Penny…" he stared at her warmly smiling face… "Don't you see how different you are?...You're rattling off terms and doing calculations off the cuff that I can barely keep up with…"

"Oh, that's not true…Leonard, you just need to focus a little…"

He sighed, shaking head…

"Penny, will you at least take the evaluation when Amy sets it up…And no more messing with that neural transfer system…"

"Oh, I finished the plug-ins and all…Though I was thinking I might wanna go over more again…Just to see if another run gets it workin'…"

"No…Penny, it is working…And we don't know the possible side effects…"

"Fine, fine…I'll do the work-up, I'll let them check me out…Now, I did want to talk, Leonard…"

"Sure…What?...Have you evolved beyond me already?..." he frowned… "'Leonard, last night was great but…'"

"I love you and I think we should be together and I'd like you to move in with me and see how it goes…" she replied, coolly…

"Wh…at…?" he croaked…Blinking at her…

"My problem was low self-esteem…I didn't think I could keep you happy over the long haul…You wanted me sexually of course…And I knew you did appreciate my warm, maternal personality as compensation for your repressed and icy mother's rejection…But…I was afraid in a little while you'd be like every marginally good guy I've dated…Gotten bored with me, pulled away…Dumped me, in the kindest possible way…That's why I was so quick to accept our break-up…I knew it would come…"

"My mother's not…Icy…" he noted…

"Bad choice of word…Frigid…" she corrected… "Anyway…Now I see that I am the perfect mate for you and you are…The best possible I could find…"

"Thanks…I think…"

"And more important, I love you…So much…" she beamed at him… "Could I hope?…As I do with rather confident anticipation…That you might love me, too?...I mean apart from lust and the maternal compensation thing…"

"Sure…Uh…Yeah…Yes…Yes, Uh…Certainly…Uh…But…"

"We'll have to do something for Sheldon though…He can't be left alone..." she pondered… "Hopefully we can encourage his mating with Amy…That would be an ideal solution…Though even together they'll need our careful monitoring, not quite adding to a single functioning human being…"

"That's true…I guess…Penny, are you really serious?..." he eyed her firm stare…

"Leonard…The one thing I can say I've got from this experiment is a bit more focus…Yes…"

"Me?...The one…You're sure…?"

"Oh, what happened to the more assertive Leonard I've enjoyed watching develop over the past year…I know he's in there, somewhere…" she fumed a bit… "Come on, tell…Do you want this…?" she bit her lip nervously, putting hand on his shoulder… "Or am I makin' a mess of things?..."

"No…" he replied hastily…Seeing the welling tears… "Oh, Penny…I…" she kissed him…

"Do you suppose?..." Raj eyed the still locked in stare couple… "If we scanned for their quantum frequency, we might be able to disrupt their link with an electromagnetic pulse on the right wavelength?..."

Howard eyeing him…

"It's a chance, dude…For Humanity…" Raj noted… "Plus this must be starting to affect their musculature…They might freeze into some kind of tetanus rigidity…"

"I dunno…When the humans tried to disrupt the link in the Colossus movie, the computers had the scientists shot…" Howard regarded the frozen pair…

"Dude…" Raj shook his head… "There are times when Humanity comes before one's existence…"

"The needs of the many…" Howard sighed, nodding… "Lets get the equipment…"

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part IX…

"We can float among the stars together, you and I…" music of the spheres continuing to resound through the universe currently inhabited by Amy and Sheldon…

"Sheldon?..."

"Yes, fellow member of the Continuum/female friend/significant to some degree one…?"

"Enchanting as this fantasy of our quantum selves being melded at every possible level is…Do you suppose we might consider a return to the real world?..."

"No…" hasty shake of head… "I rather think I prefer this existence…Omnipotence suits me…"

"Might I point out…Probably as a manifestation of your own subconscious…It could be that you're somewhat intimidated by facing our real world selves…Not to mention a real world in which a serious rival to your mantle now exists…"

"If you refer to the squashed cabbage leaf I made into a duchess…" Sheldon now in Henry Higgins' sweater and tweeds, with pipe…Still perched on the Andromeda galaxy…

"An attempt to find a safer analogy for what you've done doesn't change the situation, Sheldon…If anything, Penny is a prime reason for returning…She is our responsibility…And could you please get me out of this Colonel Pickering outfit?..." Amy in top hat, coat, with Indian walking stick…

"I'm not afraid to face Penny…" Sheldon insisted, now back in particle form, undulating across intergalactic space…

"Maybe…" Amy, in identical form, paused… "You're afraid to face…Me?..."

"Not at all, obviously…Since we're not only facing and melding here but staring at each other in the real world…Quite intently, I believe…"

"You know what I mean, Sheldon…" Amy frowned… "We obviously need to talk…For real…And we need to deal with whatever's happening to our test subject…We can't hide here forever from the consequences of our actions…Anymore than the Enterprise could hide from the Borg in that nebula…"

Purple flash across the universe…

"Speaking of which…I believe we're being paged…" she noted… "And you do note I several times used the word 'our' as in shared responsibility?..."

"Hmmn…I suppose we must…Especially as the electromagnetic pulses they're using to get our attention will eventually either do us physical harm or short out every circuit in Leonard's and my apartment…" he paused…

"Together, then?..." Amy, smiling gently…Back in her Miyam Bialik dress…

Must find out where Ms. Bialik shops…Sheldon thought, regarding her…

"Holy crap!...What the hell are you guys doing?..." a voice echoed across the heavenly firmament

"That has to be Leonard…" Sheldon noted… "Yes, we'd better go…"

"It has his nasal whine…" Amy agreed… "I'm ready…" solemn look…

"Oh, hello, Leonard…" Sheldon suddenly eyed him…As Raj and Howard, in goggles and insulated suits stood ready to power up for another pulse…Leonard fuming at them…

"Success, success!…" Raj pulled off goggles…Amy staring at him, then Howard…Shaking head…

"Link…Terminated…" Howard nodded…High-five to Raj, returned…

"Were you discharging electromagnetic pulses in this apartment to get Sheldon's and my attention…?" Amy asked, blinking at the equipment set up in the middle of the room… "You do realize you might have seriously damaged the circuitry in every appliance and device in this building?..."

"For the good of Humanity, sacrifices had to be made…" Howard noted…

"Where's Penny…" Sheldon frowned…Amy a tad crestfallen…

"In her apartment, winning her first Nobel…Though it's hard to say if she'll win it for a science, literature, or the peace prize first time out…" Leonard noted…

"Amy, you do understand I addressed the question of Penny's whereabouts first strictly owing to the grave responsibility I feel towards her?…Leonard I hope you are noting that as well…" Sheldon eyed him…

"Just be glad she feels ok, for now, Sheldon…" Leonard eyed him… "And what were you and Amy doing?..."

"Threatening the very existence of Humanity…" Howard noted…Raj nodding…

"Oh, well, the usual then…" Leonard shrugged… "I'm gonna go check on Penny…"

"Give the Queen the best wishes of her most loyal…" Howard… "Whatever…" Leonard's voice trailing…

"Howard…This will be remembered when the counterrevolution occurs…" Sheldon eyeing him coldly…

"My ears are ringing from that last pulse…" Amy shook her head… "Is there any blood flowing…?" she came to Sheldon…Tilting head for him to view…

Hmmn… "Nothing that I can see…" he looked…

"…Though not all from the pulse…Fellow Continuum member…" she noted, whispering, with fixed stare…He regarding her carefully…Finally, nodding…

No more need be said…Especially in front of our inferiors…

"Dude…" Raj nudged Howard, indicating Amy and Sheldon, again staring at each other…Howard sighed, shaking head… "Link restored…Raj…We've failed…" Heads hung…

"Gentlemen…" Sheldon frowned, glancing their way… "Please excuse us…And this being my apartment, that's unusually polite on my part for 'get out'…"

"You can pick up the equipment later…" Amy cut in… "I think I can make a great strobe light with it if by any chance we should wish to dance later…" she hissed…

Raj and Howard reluctantly stepped out…

"Clearly we failed to prevent merging…" Raj sighed… "Perhaps we should contact our families, spend a little of these last precious days with those we love…"

"What a piece of work was Man…Oh, God, the Humanity…" Howard, suddenly sobbing…Raj patting his shoulder…

"Dude…There is…Another…" Raj reminded him…

The following morning…

"Penny…May I…" Sheldon reared back in horror as a large-headed Penny emerged from her apartment, frowning at him…Partially bald, with enormous cranium…

"Penny?..."

"You assured me there would be no physical changes…" she frowned, speaking in a precise British voice…The voice of actor David McCallum, actually… "Yes…" she eyed him… "When Leonard wakes up and sees me like this…Hell for you to pay…"

"Penny?..."

"Yes, Sheldon…It should be quite clear even to a primitive like you that I am reading your mind…" arch smile…Frown… "And you'd better stop thinking…That…Or I'm waking him up right now…"

Whoa!...Sheldon looked round the darkened bedroom…

Oh…My…

"Dreaming of the classic Outer Limits episode, 'The Sixth Finger'?..." Amy, beside him in bed asked…

"What?...How did you…?"

"We're linked now, Sheldon…Plus it was psychologically logical…And you kept asking why Penny was speaking with David McCallum's voice…But I was dreaming the same thing..."

He eyed her…

"No, this is reality, Sheldon…I'm here…" she noted…Touching his arm…

"Oh, good Lord…" he gasped…

"Exactly what I said…Four times, last night…" she beamed…

"Penny…Leonard…Penny…Leonard…Penny…Leonard…" Sheldon knocked…But eyed the metallic plaque on Penny's door…

Hmmn…It looks very like that new superconductive material Leonard was wasting precious research funding on last month…Oh…He backed away as a smiling Penny's head image appeared on the plaque…Actually just off the surface, in 3-D…

"Please state the nature of the emotional or physical 'emergency', Sheldon…" virtual Penny beamed at him…

"Penny…?" he eyed the image…

"Virtual Penny is here to help…Allowing real Penny some quiet time…What's up, Shelly?..."

"Call me that again and I'll disrupt your holographic field…" he frowned…

"Penny already anticipated that and took protective measures…But what do you want, Sheldon?..."

"I want to see Penny and Leonard…"

"Penny and Leonard are…One sec…Yeah, still sleeping…Hmmn-hmn…" virtual Penny's head nodding…

"Fine…" Sheldon frowned… "When they finish their sexual encounter, send them over within twenty minutes, which should more than suffice…" he insisted…

"No can do, sweetie…They'll be sleeping till eleven afterward…But I can access the Internet and about 30% of the apartment through an internal rover she made from someone's discarded Roomba now as well as dispense from Penny's entire range of sympathetic/sarcastic responses to your behaviors…So, why don't you let me take a crack at it?..."

"Oh, very well…" Sheldon, fuming a bit… "I wanted to know if there's been any further effects?...And to tell Penny Amy has arranged a neurology work-up downtown at the medical center at one…"

"Nope…Unless you count constructing me?...And great…She'll be ready…Leonard placed a wake-up call contingent on Amy's scheduling a work-up…So…" she smiled kindly…

"How are we doing today?...Any residual guilt from unethical human experimentation and risking a friend's health and sanity stickin' round?...How's Amy?...From what Leonard said and we extrapolated from various monitoring devices about the apartment, you two were a pretty hot item yesterday…" Knowing wink…Disembodied shrug of head… "C'mon, spill to your buddy, v-Penny…I might have some pretty good pointers for how to keep things sparkin' along…"


	6. Chapter 6

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part X…

"So…" Howard eyed the empty living room as he and Raj sat…

Damn, looks like no brunch today…

"Any word on whether you and, as Leonard so aptly put it the other day… 'Dr. Mengele'…Are headed for an awards ceremony…Or federal prison?..." he asked the stiffly seated Amy, currently assuming role of hostess for her absent…Whatever he was now…

"I say the former was unlikely…For this particular project…As for prison…We have a solid defense plan…" she noted…

"Better be, if Penny turns out to be neurologically damaged goods…" Raj noted…

"Basically it involves killing you all to cover our tracks and fleeing to Brazil…" she replied, solemnly…

Sudden smile flash…Growling sound the two startled males were shocked to realize was a chuckle…

"Bazinga…As my Sheldon would say…Were he with us…As I try to make him in spirit…"

"Ah…Funny…" Raj nodded… "You don't suppose she started with him?..." he hissed…

"I believe as 'fill-in' hostess…Though I really have no idea why you people chose to invade our space this morning, given we'd more than sufficiently entertained you yesterday…It's my duty to offer you liquids and any forms of edibles available?..." Amy eyed them… "Given the Seinfeldian rudeness of your comings and goings I'm sure you are more familiar with the kitchen arrangements than I am…But I can refer you to the third shelf and rear half of the bottom drawer in the refrigerator…That's Leonard's now that I've been assigned my own shelf and drawer space…Please, feel free to partake of the lactose-free goodness within…" she extended hand toward the refrigerator in what they vaguely understood as a welcoming gesture…

Howard, blinking… "Wait…You mean…?"

"Sheldon officially invoked the live-in girlfriend clause of the roommate agreement, yes…" Amy beamed… "Just before he left…I wept…" she looked down… "Here's his thrice-initialed statement as confirmation…" she held up a sheet of typewritten paper… "I shall cherish it till death…"

"So ends the last hope for Humanity…" Howard sighed to Raj… "Unless…" he gave a careful glance to Amy seated in chair, eagerly perusing her most cherished possession for the tenth time… "We kill the mother organism before reproduction can occur…And then use her own plan to escape…"

"Alright, Howard…Now you're making me nervous, dude…" Raj frowned at him… "And please don't give me that 'why don't you want to flee to Brazil with me?' look…"

Knock…

"Come in…" pause… "Dear one…" Amy, hesitantly… "He now uses a secret deflection of his traditional knock to better enable me to distinguish his from others…The little minx…" she gave another growling chuckle as Sheldon entered, followed by a somewhat battered-looking Roomba robot unit, with another sheet of superconductive material attached as a square sheet to its base…

"Greetings all…" Sheldon glanced round… "Oh, you…" he regarded Amy beaming at him… "I heard your hearty yet enchanting laugh in the hall…Gentlemen, can my officially acknowledged girlfriend hostess or what?... Penny and Leonard are too exhausted from multiple sexual encounters to join us just yet but to prove Penny's continued good health, I've asked her virtual counterpart, v-Penny, to join us…" he took his favorite seat…The Roomba edging closer to the group…

"Hey…" a 12 inch 3-D figure of Penny appeared above the superconductive sheet…The Roomba wheeling over to the coffee table… "Howard, could you plug in my power cord?..." she pointed down… "Hey, Raj…" she waved…

"Oh, I knew she had magic in those fingers…" Raj shook his head…

"Howard?...v-Penny is speaking to you…." Sheldon noted… Howard staring…

He blinked, nodded, and finding cord, plugged it into the nearest socket…

"That's better…" A full-sized 3-D Penny appeared in the same sweatshirt and shorts the 12 inch version had worn…Shifting with the moving Roomba as it sought a space near Sheldon's favored spot…He glared and the Roomba began beeping loudly…

"This is still my spot…" he insisted… "And you can't sit here anyway…" The Roomba stopped its beeping…

"Not yet…." v-Penny agreed… "But Penny hopes to make me more independent of my mobile unit within a day or two…Eventually reducing it to something the size of a bug, solar-powered, and able to fly…Then I can sit anywhere…And she did win the spot last night…But, fine…Till then…" the Roomba rolled back, v-Penny moving with it…Taking a seated form in mid-air…

"So…How it go last night?..." she grinned at Amy… "You two guys…" she shook her virtual head… "This is so neat…" Holographic attempt at high-five… "Details, girl…" The Roomba platform wheeled closer…

I need a new Roomba…Desperately…Howard thought…

"Hey…" Leonard moved to where Penny sat, intently typing on computer… "You been up long?..."

"Just twenty…" she replied… "Oh…" she frowned at him…Half-closing the laptop… "I didn't want you to see…It's a surprise for you…"

"What?...A new theory of universal gravitation that'll have Sheldon's panties…And he does wear them… In a bind…?"

"Right…I did not need to hear that…" Penny sighed… "No…" She opened the laptop… He peered at the screen and the chemical formulae on it…

"Is that…?" he stared…

"Surprise…A new formula for a better and much more ice creamy, lactose-free artificial ice cream…" she beamed… "It makes me sad you can't enjoy ice cream when you love it so much…And you said the current lactose-free brands suck…"

"Penny…That's so sweet…"

"Thanks…Wish we had some right now…Do you want to go out for breakfast or eat in?...We can actually get past Sheldon now, thanks to virtual Penny…"

"Yeah, I was watching the guys on the surveillance system in the bedroom…She's fantastic…Though I think we'll need to set some surveillance rules…It's much too tempting to watch things over there…"

"Well, just remember the system does have an off-switch…" she beamed at him as she rose… "And it works both ways so they've probably had a ball watching us last night…At least Sheldon and Amy…"

"Yeah, and speaking of relationships via that roundabout opening…"

"We need to talk?..." she eyed him…

"You're too fast for me…I'm not criticizing your technique…" he waved a hand at her…

"The relationship is moving too fast?..." she asked… "Or, my mental processes?..."

"A little of both, actually…" he sighed… "But don't get me wrong, Penny…" he eyed her stricken face…

"I'm not saying I want out…Even if for ethical reasons, I probably should…"

"Ethics…A wreath of pretty flowers that smells bad…" Penny shrugged…

"Sorry…" she winced… "Thought you would enjoy the Star Trek analogy…"

"Oh…Right…" he nodded…Smile overcoming puzzlement… "I get it…"

"So you don't want out?...Then…" Penny hesitated…

"No…" Leonard put up a hand… "Just…Lets slow down a little…I'm feeling like an old married couple and we haven't even tried living together…And right now, what with this latest Sheldon crisis…"

"I see…Ha, by the way…Great Foundation pun…" she beamed…

"What?..."

"Issac Asimov's 'Foundation'…Seldon crisis, a unique and mathematically predictable historial turning point predicted by Hari Seldon…?" she eyed him…

"Oh…Right…Anyway, you do understand now?..."

"Sure…I'm pressing things, slow down…I get it…" she nodded…

"Well, you're not 'pressing things'…" he sighed… "Just, I think you don't realize how fast your mind is working now…"

"Gotcha…" she nodded… "Slow and steady for a lasting relationship…It's no problem…"

"And I do like the idea…Living together…?" he smiled…"Almost as much as I like that idea of a new lactose-free ice cream…"

"Lets go to the store and we can try and make it today…" she suggested…

"After your work-up…" he eyed her…

"Ok…" she sighed…Then brightened… "Is that what's really worrying you…The work-up?"

"A little…" he nodded… "But I want an independent evaluation…If you're thinking of do it yourself…Though I admit yours would probably be more thorough…"

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XI…

"Sheldon…No way am I playing you for the trivia championship…" v-Penny frowned at him as he pouted… "You know I'm only a series of computer programs running on a souped-up but still limited system…You have to play the real me for the title…"

"I don't see why…" Sheldon, miffed, glaring at Howard's "Here-here…" … "You're an accurate representation, programmed by Penny…"

"Cheating, Sheldon…?" v-Penny shook her head… "Whatsa matter, brainy Penny too much for you?..."

"I am not cheating…Am I, sweetness?..." Sheldon eyed Amy…Who blanched…

Oh, God…Glance at the two frowning faces…Though v-Penny's holographic one as it flickered slightly…

Defend my beloved?...Stand for my love of the purity of Truth?...

"Sheldon!...Now you're really going low…" v-Penny rose on her holographic feet… "You don't have to support him, Amy…It's not right for him to pressure you like this…"

"Oh…" Amy, distressed squeak as Sheldon eyed her…

Officially acknowledged girlfriend…?

"Sheldon…" Raj shook his head… "You're betraying the woman who loves you…Dear God…" he blinked… "I'd believe I could find three inhabited exo-solar planets determining their location through dice throws before I'd believe I'd ever have reason to say that…"

"I'm only asking my beloved brain spelunker to make a minor judgment call…Based on her own experience, independent of any bias…Aren't you, my lil' ferrit Farrah Fowler?…"

"Sheldon…" v-Penny, growling…Roomba bleeping strenuously…Ow!…He grimaced as the Roomba bumped his foot repeatedly…

"Oh…I…I…Love….Oh…" Amy raced from the room…

"Amy?..." Leonard, staring as he stood outside Penny's room…She making for the stairs and down in a frenzied rush…

"What's with Amy?..." Penny emerging from her apartment, peering after her…

Leonard, shrugging… "Sheldon, I'm sure…"

"What happened?...Why did she leave like that?...Had she been eating anything from the refrigerator?…" Sheldon, distressed, staring…

"Sheldon…" v-Penny, furious tone… "You go right out after her!...Now!..." she stood in mid-air, arms sternly folded…

"What?...Are you suggesting I made her flee the room like that?...You're certainly more likely to induce fear and dread…" He eyed the others…Howard and Raj, glaring at him… "Even Howard and Raj have a menacing persona going for once…Gentlemen, can you explain to v-Penny that Amy is hardly the type of person to indulge in an emotional wallowing…"

"Wallowing over you, you perverse lil'…Didn't you see she was crying?..." v-Penny frowned… "Now go and get her!…" she pointed a holographic finger… "And don't you dare come back without her…"

"Crying?..." Sheldon stared…

"The joys of love made her human…(almost)…" Howard intoned… "The agonies, destroyed her…" "So true, it's Kirk's beloved android girl Reyna all over again…" Raj sighed, shaking head…

"And all over a stupid seat on the couch…" v-Penny wagging finger at Sheldon… "Which Penny is still entitled to…" arch look…

"Defending the creator's interests is on my list of prime directives…" she explained to Howard and Raj… "Though a friend always comes first with us…"

"Crying…" Sheldon, a choking sound…Howard and Raj exchanging startled looks…

"Crying…And who made her cry?..." v-Penny….Locking eyes as Raj and Howard watched…

"Me…" Sheldon, squeaking out the "Me"…

"And who is going to go and get her?…And say he's so sorry to be such a miserable excuse for a boyfriend?…" v-Penny, insistent…

"me…" squeak…

"I didn't hear that?...What was that?..."

"Me…Ma'am…" Sheldon sighed but managed to speak up…

"Go…" v-Penny pointed again to the open door of the apartment… Raj and Howard staring now in wonder…As Sheldon rose and left…

"Sheldon…?" Leonard looked after him as he passed… Penny beside him staring as well… "What's the matter with Amy?..."

"OOOOOOH…" gasping cry in response, Sheldon hurrying down the stairs…

"He's going after her…" Penny noted…Beaming at the puzzled Leonard…

"Going?...Sheldon?..." he stared after Sheldon's wake…

"It's going to be fine…We've raised a good boy, Leonard…" she patted him…

"Now, breakfast…Please…" she urged…

A horrified/terrified Sheldon found Amy in the street by the bus stop, sobbing…

"Amy?..."

"What?..." she rubbed at her cheeks, not looking at him…

"Amy…Did I do this?..." he stared… "They said I did…"

"Do what?..." she replied…Wiping cheeks with sleeve… "I just needed some privacy to make a decision…But I should really get back to my place…There's work to be done writing up the last neural enhancement series and reporting the stage five deaths…"

"But…" he stared… "We agreed you'd be staying with me now…I activated the live-in girlfriend clause of the roommate agreement…And initialed it…Three times…"

"Well…I knew you were only joking…As was I…" she tried a casual, off-hand look… "Thank you for the sex and the four orgasms, they were even more delightful than the 128 I got by neural stim…Stim…" she burst into tears…

"Oh, my…." He jumped back… "Amy?...What do I do?...I've never been in this sort of situation…And Lord knows never imagined I would be…"

"I won't…Trouble…You…Further…" Amy sobbed, waving him back… "I know you're the brutally strong, independent macho type…Despite your total lack of upper body strength…I…"

"Amy…I want to be troubled…" he blurted out…Clumsily reaching to put a hand on her shoulder… "Don't go…I'm…"

"…Sorry…?"

"Yes, whatever…" he nodded…Catching breath with relief… "Well, thank God that's over…Didn't hurt as much as I thought…" he reflected…

"Thank you…" she breathed…

"There, there…" he patted… "Ummn?...Amy?..."

"Yes, Sheldon?..."

"I need guidance here…Am I supposed to kiss you now?...Or it is an embrace that's required…?"

"Given my current emotional state, I would say both…" she noted…

"Lord, this relationship thing is hard to get right…" he frowned…

"Considering it's your…first?...time out…" she began…

"Second, if you count my cousin when I was six…She told me she wanted to marry me when we grew up and I explained that our close genetic ties were likely to produce offspring with massive congenital deformities…Which explains a lot of my relations by the way…Three if you count that girl who gave me a free dinner and tried to run my life for several weeks before she demanded credit on my paper and I dumped the greedy ho…"

"Really?..." frowning stare… "Were relations involved and do you have the second girl's address and current career status?..."

"I said the first was my cousin…" he noted, a tad annoyed… "But the other girl wasn't a relation…"

She eyed him…Sternly…

"Ooohhh…Those relations…" Sheldon nodded… "Oh, no…Nothing beyond saliva exchange…And unidirectional…I never engaged…"

"Good…" she closed the small notebook she'd opened to write the address… "Well, in spite of that, I would say you're definitely outperforming Leonard…From my observation and previous discussions with Penny, he needed multiple sexually charged relationships to reach the same level of emotional competence…"

"Why, thank you…"

"Don't mention it, Moon-pie…Sheldon?..." she eyed him as he turned to go back in…

"Oh, right…Kiss and embrace…This is going to take more study than I realized…"

"I'm up for that…" Amy beamed…


	7. Chapter 7

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part X…

That afternoon…

"Well I hope you're satisfied now, Leonard…" Sheldon regarded him…Penny, Amy, Raj, Howard collected about the apartment door…Leonard searched for keys…Right pocket, honey…Penny noted…

"Right…Sheldon…All the neurologist said was that so far the initial tests show no obvious damage…And do show a rather high rate of activity…That's not enough to fill me with confidence about your little brain boosting experiment…" Leonard unlocked the door and opening, waved all in…

"I'd say it was good news…" Penny, pausing by him and Sheldon… "There's no sign of vascular trouble and no stroke, no vege-Penny…" she grinned…

"This isn't a joke…" Leonard fumed…She, sighing…Sorry…

"I'm concerned for you…And I don't trust technology that's only been test-driven on rats…"

"And rabbits…Though we did decide to abandon the rabbit experiments…" Amy, pausing…

"And why was that?..." Leonard stared at her…Even Penny a tad nervous at that…

"The little enhanced superbuggers figured out how to get into their mates' cages…" Amy, growling sound… "A few more days and this would be Planet of the Rabbits…" she repeated the growl…

"I love to hear her laugh…" Sheldon noted, contentedly…

"Is that what that is?..." Leonard stared…

"Everything's gonna be fine, sweetie…" Penny patted his arm… "Now, lets eat…Then I gotta get to Cheesecake Factory…"

"You intend to continue that demeaning job at Cheesecake Factory…?" Sheldon eyed her as the remaining group of himself, her, Leonard, and Amy followed Raj and Howard into the apartment… "Woman, I made you a consort for a king…Or better yet a theoretical physicist…No offense, Leonard…"

"I prefer experimental physicists…" Penny grinned… "And not only do I like working at the Factory…Especially as they pay me…But…" she gave a slightly stern look… "You didn't 'make' me, Sheldon…Lets get that straight right now…"

"Excuse me?..." Sheldon eyed her…

"You gave me a helping hand…Which I appreciate…Though one actually invented by Amy and her team…Thanks, bestie…" she grinned at Amy, who grinned back…Anytime, bestie… "And a few great neural data recordings…Including a lot of other great thinkers…"

"Perhaps you're right to be concerned, Leonard…I do detect a streak of megalomania…" Sheldon hissed to Leonard…

"Sweetie…I'm grateful…But I'm not your creation or your clone…I'm still good ole Penny…" Penny insisted…

"Right…Good ole Penny…Who can now lecture on string theory where before she thought string theory was something they used in making 'silly string'…" Sheldon sniffed…

"Keep it up and I go back on-line to Dr. Bentley to tell him about your and Leonard's last month's observations…" she eyed him…

He puffed up…A shocked look…

"You wouldn't dare…" he gasped…

"'Dear Dr. Bentley…'" she mimed typing… "'To prove to you I wasn't faking for some game of Sheldon's, let me review the last month's table of results from the neutrino collection experiment Leonard was carrying out in conjunction with Sheldon's colleague at CERN'…Now he'd never believe you'd allow data like that to get out…It might be fun joining his team…" grin… "…becoming a physicist, even if part-time, like my boys…Helping another team in the advancement of science…Why I can see that Nobel prize on my shelf right now…"

"All right…" Sheldon hurriedly put up a hand… "You're not my creation…Just my Care project…"

"Not too much Care…" Amy, frowning…

"Ok…" Penny, hand up for silence… "To end this…Sheldon, I'm eternally grateful for the chance to encompass that universe which is Sheldon Cooper…Happy now?..." she eyed him…

"A bit…Not terribly…"

"Uh…Penny?..." Raj had come to the entranceway… "Could you come and speak to v-Penny?…We think she's upset by us leaving her so abruptly for your tests…She keeps refusing to materialize and just beeps at us with her platform…"

"Really?..." Penny stared… "That's odd…I programmed her to act as much like me as possible…And I'd never do that…"

All looking elsewhere as she went into the living room…Even Sheldon aware enough of the possible consequences to mind his tongue…

"So…Leonard…At least admit Penny seems satisfied…And much improved intellectually, while retaining that good ole MidWestern saccharine charm…" Sheldon beamed at Leonard…Who frowned, then…

Well…

"She's making me ice cream…That I can eat…From her own formulation…" he sighed… "No one's ever tried to make ice cream I can eat for me…My mother wouldn't even buy me the lactose-free stuff when it came out in the supermarkets…"

"Then this has been a good thing…" Sheldon, archly…

Yeah…Leonard shook himself… "No…Sheldon, haven't you figured it out yet?...You've put a friend at risk, someone we all care about…"

"I'd say we've confirmed there's no risk…" Sheldon frowned… "Except to my status…And my chance of getting my Nobel before thirty…"

"It would serve you right…" Leonard shrugged…

"Not at all…" Amy cut in, happily… "I'll insist you be included on my Nobel when this research gets acknowledged…"

"Oh?..." Leonard eyed her… "And to what journal of 'Nazi neurology' are you going to submit the results of your unauthorized human experimentation to?..."

"That's not fair, Leonard…It was I who performed any unauthorized experimentation on humans, not Amy…" Sheldon insisted…

"Thank you, Moon-pie…" Amy beamed…

"Of course, sweetness…" he smiled back…She continuing on into the living room…

"And therefore, of course, my Nobel…" he hissed…Leonard rolling eyes…

They entered the living room where v-Penny sat in midair…A pout on face flickering a bit…

"I don't why you're carrying on like this…" Penny sighed… "The guys were just anxious to make sure I was ok…"

"Someone could have said… 'Bye v-Penny…' or maybe… 'See ya soon, v-Penny…" v-Penny glared… "But no…I'm just a computer program displayed as energized gas…"

"An apt metaphor for you, Sheldon…" Howard, grinning to Raj…

"Back off, Mr. Scott…" Amy glared… "Or the Blogosphere might read of you and Captain Bernadette discussing your sudden lack of power a few weeks ago before your break-up…Complete with the You-Tubeable video your own webcam took…"

"You hacked into my computer and stole my bedroom videos…?" Howard stared…

"You took bedroom videos?...Of you and Bernadette…?" Penny stared…Leonard sighing…

I should be surprised…?

"Actually no, I did not hack into your system…" Amy archly… "But I surmised that you would take some, given your adolescent sexual maledictions…And if you persist in harassing my Sheldon…I might rethink my position on illegal computer access…"

"Hello, corporeals…" v-Penny, frowning… "I'm still here…"

Penny yanked out the Roomba's plug from the wall socket, v-Penny fading out in a few seconds…

"God, what a self-centered little princess…" she shook her head…

"Hey!...Still here, P-bitch!..." v-Penny, now back in 12 inch format… "The thanks I get for filling…"

Penny tapping the Roomba's off switch, v-Penny blinked out…

"There…" Penny sighed… "I'll delete the last hour of her memory…Nothing like a little temporal lobotomy to make things go smoothly…"

"As you've so often demonstrated…Only your instrument of choice for destroying brain cells tended toward alcohol and other recreational drugs…" Sheldon noted…

"Sheldon, honey…I'm trying to be more patient with you...But if it wouldn't hurt Amy, I'd program that thing to use its self-defense mechanism to fry you whenever you make the slightest sarcastic remark…And she's equipped with 100000 volts of pure kick-assness…" Penny, glaring…

"Self-defense circuit…" Howard noted to Raj… "Don't ask how I know, I just do…"

"Have we got anything to eat around here?..." Penny asked…Peering into the fridge…

"Sheldon…" Amy tapped him as he frowned at Penny… "Could we go into…Our…Bedroom and discuss intimate matters for a moment?...Lovely word…Our…" she noted, smiling…She nodded her head, with jerky motion toward the bedroom, Sheldon staring at her…

"We'll just be a moment…A couples' discussion regarding logistics and finance…Some of you besides Raj understand I'm sure…" she noted to the others…Raj sighing…

"Not right now…" Sheldon shook his head… "Penny, I have to point out that the 'universe of Sheldon Cooper' you rather mockingly refer to is a prize that many, including a Chinese agent currently serving twenty years in an undisclosed military facility that makes Guantanemo Bay look like a vacation resort…Would, and nearly did, kill for…"

"He's not kidding actually…" Leonard noted… "I had to testify at the secret hearing…Though you never heard that from me…"

"Sheldon, I wasn't mocking your intellect…" Penny sighed…Still peering into the fridge… "Just lets remember I play a role in all this too…As Socrates once said… Δεν είναι δυνατό να διδάσκω κανέναν τίποτα, μόνο να τους πιστεύω ότι…And you did…And I'm properly grateful…"

"Nice one…" Howard noted…Sheldon frowning…

"Sheldon!..." Amy hollered, startling all… "I said bedroom, now!…"

He stared at her…She made another jerky nod…C'mon on…Git…

"Oh, very well…Penny, I provisionally accept your apology…And…"

"Great…" Amy yanked him along… "Back in just a jiffy, folks…" she waved…Finally pulling the gasping Shedon into the bedroom and closing door…

The group staring at each other…

"Lord…If they want it that bad, just go and get a room…" Raj sighed…

Oh...Right...It is their room... "Does this mean?..." he looked at Howard, who nodded...

"Well, that will certainly make for some interesting evenings..."

"Penny?..." Leonard, cautiously…

"No, it's not embarrassing you don't speak Greek, sweetie…" she smiled… "I'll teach you…Though the phrase kinda belies that… 'I can't teach anyone, I can only make them think'…"

"Oh, right…That Socrates quote…" he nodded…

"All right, so did you wish to discuss the geometric arrangement of the drawers or my system for alphabetically filing clothes?..." Sheldon asked…

"Sheldon…" Amy eyed him…

"What?...Oh, you minx…" he grinned… "Is this another clever little ruse to access yet another orgasm?...Though I must say, I don't think our friends outside will be very comfortable should we engage in immediate coitus…"

"In a minute…" she waved, off-handedly… "And who gives a flying Anglo-Saxonism what they think…But…Sheldon…" Amy hesitated… "Have you noticed Penny seems to be consuming a rather constant and large quantity of food, particularly carbohydrates…?"

Not about sex?...Just when I was starting to get the hang of that part?...He sighed…

Hmmn… "Carbohydrates?...That's Penny's routine diet, I believe…" he shrugged…

"No…It's not…" Amy frowned… "She generally sticks to a rather bizarre mix of pseudo-vegetarian, high-protein, low-fat, moderate carbohydrate diet…Only maxing on carbos when she comes mooching to your place for a free meal when out of funds…And she's been eating nonstop since this morning…Haven't you noticed?..."

"So…Penny's got the munchies?...What's strange about that?..."

"I don't know…" Amy sighed… "But it worries me, given the rats' sad fate…"

"They opened up their feed boxes and ate themselves to death…" Sheldon shrugged… "Rather typical rat behavior when able to access food sources without restriction…Not to mention fairly normal Penny behavior…"

"Perhaps…" Amy shook her head… "But an increase in neural transmitter byproducts could be related…I'm wondering if maybe we ought to go and see if in fact the autopsy results found anything or not…"

He gave her a long look…

"All right, yes…I would like another romp in the Tropical Environmental Flora and Fauna Lab…Sue me, it's our place…" she sighed… "But I am a tad concerned as well…"

Bang on the door… "All right, out!...Right now!..." Leonard's voice…

Uh-oh…They looked at each other… "He suspects something…" Amy noted…

"Right…Quick…Disrobe and lets begin immediate coitus, it's our only safe explanation…" Sheldon insisted…

"All right by me…" Amy smiled…

"Sheldon, I know what's going on in there between you two…!" Leonard cried…

"Well then, how's about a little privacy!..." Amy hollered back…Pulling at sweater…

"Well done, official girlfriend…" Sheldon nodded in admiration…

"Get out here or Howard's taking the door off the hinges!..."

"My, he's taking privacy invasion to a whole new level…" Sheldon noted…

"The prude…" Amy shook her head…

They reluctantly emerged to find the group eyeing them…Penny looking accusingly…

Nope, v-Penny…Sheldon noted, seeing her image flicker and the real Penny, looking uncertain, beside Leonard…

"Were you ever going to tell us about this?..." Leonard asked… "Maybe at Penny's funeral?..."

"Leonard…" Penny, gently…

"I had to speak up when they turned me back on…Protection of Penny's interests is one of my prime directives…" v-Penny noted firmly…

"Though monitoring your conversation in the bedroom was all my idea…" she grinned…

"Which I'll program out, sorry…" Penny hastily noted…

"Hey!..." v-Penny glared… "Is that the thanks I get?…Wait, don't pull that plug, Howard!...Please, no!...Howard, I love you, I love you like you love me!...You geeky little son of a…" she faded out, fuming… Howard with plug in hand…Sighing as he pressed the Roomba off button…Downcast look…

"It had to be done, Howard…" Raj noted, patting his shoulder… "And clearly her desire for survival was outweighing even the moral sensibility she'd got from Penny…Who knows what kind of twisted perversity might have arisen in her?..."

"You're determined to hurt me, aren't you, Raj…?" Howard, sighing deeper…Eyeing the deactivated Roomba…

Really have to get me a new one…

"Ok, enough…Amy…What is this about the rats?...They died?...How many?...When?...How?..." Leonard fired off questions at an increasing rate…

"Just the stage five…All…Yesterday…They ate a bit too much after they got into their feed boxes…But there's no particular reason to think it relates to Penny…"

"Nah…That's…Mmmphf…not unusual rat behavior…" Penny noted, her words obscured by her chewing on some bread she'd found in the refrigerator… "I'd say case closed, no problem…Do we have any crackers or maybe some cheese?…God, some cheese would be great…"

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XI…

"'Cuse me, could you pass the breadsticks?..." Penny motioned…The middle-aged man sitting across from her staring, but complied…

"Penny?..." Howard, cautiously…He and Raj, standing by the table, smiling blandly at the seated couple eyeing the waitress who'd sat down to begin sharing their meal in mid-serving…

"I don't think you're supposed to be eating with the customers…" he noted…

"Hmmn?...Oh, Herbert and Sylvia don't mind if I take my break now, do you, guys?..." she smiled at them…

"Penny?...Could you try using that superintellect for just a mo…And reflect on the proper social behavior called for here?..." Howard tried…

"Huh?...Oh, right…I'm so sorry…" she put up her hands… "Please, would you pass the breadsticks?..." she smiled at a staring Sylvia…

"A new promotion…Our breadsticks are so good here at Cheesecake Factory even our waitresses can't resist them…" Raj hastily noted to the couple…

Penny having insisted on making her shift under the supervision of Raj and Howard, Sheldon and Amy, under the fuming supervision of Leonard, had gone to check on the final autopsy reports for the deceased rats…

"Nothing unusual, Dr. Fowler…Pretty much as you suggested in the note you left…They must've figured out how to open the feed boxes and partied like Chinese New Year…" Heng, the laboratory chief technician noted…

Hmmphf…Sheldon archly…

"Except…"

"Oh, Lord…I hate that word…" Sheldon insisted…Amy apprehensive…

"Sheldon!..." Leonard, startling him and Amy… "Go on, Heng…Except what…?"

"Just a massive build-up of neurotransmitter byproducts…More than they could clear away really…It may have even pushed the eating…They couldn't take in and process enough energy fast enough to keep the neuroreceptors clear…A vicious cycle…" Heng reflected… "Of course that's just a guess…"

"And by a mere technician…Hardly likely to be the cause…" Sheldon hastily noted…

"Shut up, Sheldon…Heng, hypothetically…" Leonard went from raging fume to affected poised calm in record time… "…if a human were stupid enough…Or had researcher friends stupid enough…"

"Or both…" Amy suggested…

"Right…" glare… "Or both…To use the system herself…Or himself…Could it have the same effect?..."

"Well…" Heng shrugged… "I guess so…But hard to say…And who'd be stupid enough to use a system like this, affecting the brain, without full review and testing?..."

"No one…Of course…" Leonard, beaming… "But though it's hard to say...Is it within the realm of possibility?...Hypothetically speaking…"

"Sure…Though I don't think a human would eat themselves to death before the effect would plateau…"

"You don't know the human we know…" Sheldon, archly…

"Hypothetically…" he added at Leonard's glare…

"Thanks, Heng…Very interesting…" Leonard waved… "Come guys, lets discuss this fascinating scientific result of the work of our colleague, Dr. Fowler…"

"…Because one of them is my official boyfriend…" Amy noted, loudly…Heng and the two other technicians of the animal facility autopsy room staring…

"Just using the tools at hand to do my bit to keep us under the wire…" she hissed…Nodding shrewdly…

"Come on…Sheldon!...I mean you, too…" Leonard pulling at him…

"My Lord, the irony…" Amy sighed as the door closed behind them…

"You mean the irony of me beating you both to death with your own neural transmission system?..." Leonard asked…

Uh… "No…I was thinking more of Penny's possibly eating herself to…" she began…Staring at Leonard's grim face…

Uh… "Yeah, exactly…If you ever were to do that…"

"So do you understand, Howard?...Until we know if the effect plateaus, you have to keep Penny from eating?..." Leonard spoke into his phone… "No, I don't know yet how to tell if the effect plateaus…Try asking her…But don't tell her what we found out…Just say it's important we know if she thinks there's been no more increase in intellectual gain…And above all, don't let her eat…What?...I don't know how…Just tell her…Tell her I told you guys confidentially I think she's been gaining weight…"

That should hold her…he thought…

"What?...No, I will not have her build you your own v-Katie Sackhoff Roomba if you do this?...Howard, this is about someone we all love…"


	8. Chapter 8

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XII…

"Now remember…Nonchalant…" Leonard cautioned as he, Amy, and Sheldon entered the Cheesecake Factory…Pausing near the receptionist's podium…

"Oh, please…" Sheldon, sourly… "If the girl has acquired a fraction of my intellect, she'll see through that in a second…"

"You're right…" Leonard nodded thoughtfully… "So I should move to plan B and beat you to a pulp in the alley outside with one of the metal trash can lids then get Penny to come to the hospital with us after your 'accident'…Nice of you to volunteer, Sheldon…"

"Nonchalant…Got it…" Sheldon nodded…Frown at Amy eyeing Leonard…

"Lets go, I see them…" Leonard, waving to Raj and Howard at table…Penny not to be seen…

"Were you by any chance impressed by Leonard's brief display of throwback brutality there?..." hiss…

"Certainly not…" Amy insisted as they followed Leonard… "Why would you think that?..."

"I detected a certain dilation of pupils and a distinct smouldering in your eyes just then…I think you were impressed…"

Sigh… "Sheldon, it is nice to see a certain protectiveness in the mating partner…" she hesitated… "And I myself did leap to your defense like a bear or lioness defending her cubs with Dr. Bentley and with our friends…"

Hmmn…Frown…

Lord, will the demands never end?...

"Guys…Will you get over here?..." Leonard called…

"Nobody orders my woman around, bitch!..." Sheldon replied…Vaguely shaking fist…As the group at table stared at him…

"Sufficient?..." he eyed the beaming Amy…

"'Bastard'…Or simply 'man' would suffice…" Amy gently corrected… "But, thank you…Moon-pie…" she embraced him firmly…

"Hands off my woman, men…I'm brutally protective…" he pronounced…Pulling chair for Amy…

"That's enough, Sheldon…Your animal nature's stimulated my feminine drives all too well…" she patted him… "Any more and I won't be able to contain myself and we'll have to take refuge under the table in a publicly humiliating yet passionate tangle of our crazed bodies…" she noted matter-of-factly…

"Mission accomplished, then…" he nodded, happily…

"So I'm gaining…?" Penny's voice…She now by the table, frowning at Leonard…Chewing on a stalk of celery…

"Oh…Hi, honey…"

"I need to use the ladies room…Sheldon, knowing this place so well, could you guide me?..." Amy asked…Rising…With flashing glance at Sheldon…

Mission accomplished indeed…Howard hissed to Raj…

"Sit down…" Leonard frowned briefly… "Penny…I just meant…"

"The rats' gain in weight was tied to their enhanced neural firing and inability to clear neural receptors quickly enough as the rate exponentially increased…I get it, Leonard…I'd already surmised that and Raj and Howard watching me like lemmings following their leader clinched it…" she shook her head…

"I also get the body language…Guys, this is a family restaurant and we don't make out in our restrooms…Get a hormonal grip…" she eyed Amy, then Sheldon…

"I'll try…" Amy sighed…

"No one talks to my woman that way!…" Sheldon, banging fist lightly…Ow!...

Penny eyed Leonard who shrugged…Beats me…

"Sheldon…Enough…You'll hurt yourself…" Penny, glance to Amy's anxious look…Please, don't shatter the moment?... "I mean I'll have to call our bouncer and you'll be hurt fighting him…"

Thanks, bestie…Amy beamed…

Cheesecake Factory has a "bouncer"?...Howard hissed to Raj…

"Penny's mentioned him before when customers got rowdy about slow orders or Sheldon's annoying behaviors…Never actually seen him but he sounds like someone you don't want to mess with…" Raj noted…Glancing round…

"Ok, can we get back to the problem at hand?..." Leonard insisted…

"First, all this talk of restrooms has gotten me in need of one…" Sheldon rose…

"I'll take you…"Amy, rising eagerly…

"Oh, no…" Penny firmly… "Sheldon, you know the way…Amy, you stay right there and have a glass of ice water…"

"Oh…Fine…Damnit!..." Amy sitting down with glare, brushing back stray hair…Penny, stern glance…Get a grip, girl…

Howard and Raj staring…

"I suppose I don't have to ask whether this is…" Raj noted in whisper…

"Oh, yeah…" Howard sighed, plaintively…Watching Amy fumbling with glass…He grabbing his own glass and drinking hastily…

"So what was the conclusion?...I stop eating and the neuronal firing rate decreases?..." Penny turned back to Leonard…

"The technician at the lab thought so, based on the autopsy results…" Leonard sighed… "He said the effect might plateau and you'd probably be ok then…"

"It's bound to be a little different in humans…But if the firing rate slows permanently…" she paused… "I don't wanna lose all I've gained…And no weight jokes, gentlemen…" she glared… "Amy, do you...?...Amy?...Dr. Fowler?...Hey!..." she frowned at Amy…

"Huh?..." Amy stared… "Where's Sheldon?..."

"Amy…Focus…" Penny insisted… "I need your observational experience here…"

"Penny…Lets move it…You've got tables waiting…" the restaurant manager swung by…Snapping tone…

"Sure, boss…Just taking an order…"

Don't let her order any alcohol for her or Sheldon from anyone else if I have to go take another order…she hissed to Leonard…

"Ok, Stanley's watching…I'll have to move…I'll get your orders in…"

"You never took them…" Howard frowned…

"Howard, you order the same thing 94.7% of the time…And today you'll eat what I put in front of you and like it…I mean that, with 98.8% accuracy…" she noted, with renewed smile at end…Patting him…

"Well…Long as you get it within 5%...Ok…" he shrugged…Smile…

Careful look to Leonard as she started off…Leonard, slightest of nods…

"Takes so little to keep us all happy, eh?..." Leonard asked her as she passed, with smile…She grinning as she moved on…Still munching on her celery…

"Penny?..." Raj spoke up, startling them all… "No curry on the chicken, please…I hate Indian spices…And you look fine…" She beamed and continued onto her next table…

"It goes without saying…My career and every penny I can wheedle from my parents…" he eyed Leonard…Nodding…

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XIII…

Penny had taken several orders and gone to the kitchen…

"You know, my Sheldon's been gone a long time, even allowing for the need to disinfect the toilet area…I should go and see…" Amy rose…

"No…But you're right…So, I'll go…" Leonard frowned, rising… "And he better still be there…"

"Am I right in sensing an impuning of my Sheldon's staunch manliness here?..." Amy looked at Howard and Raj as Leonard headed for the restrooms… "No dissing my man, you!..." she called…Several patrons staring…Leonard rolling eyes…

"I wonder if I should see if I can catch up to him on the sidewalk…He'd be making for the train station and the first train to Texas, don't you think?..." she sighed to the guys…

"Sheldon?...Sheldon…?..." Leonard, carefully prowling about the closed stalls… "Sheldon, if you slipped out on us, so help me…Sheldon?..." he cocked an ear, hearing a strangled sniffling…

"Sheldon?...Are you in there?...Please don't let me be knocking on some stranger's stall…Sheldon, that has to be you…Amy's worried, come on out…Sheldon?..." he put ear to stall door…Pulling back hastily as another patron entered…A rather hulking blonde, eyeing him carefully…Moving to the urinals…

"I'm not coming out…Go away, Leonard…" voice from the stall…

"Sheldon?...What the hell's going on?...Did I say something?...Unless you really need to stay, it being Cheesecake Factory…"

"I haven't eaten anything yet…Duh…" reply…

"Love hurts…" the blonde observed quietly, nodding…

"Uh…Yeah…" Leonard… "No, actually…We're just friends…Sheldon, please come out…"

"Everyone hates me…I hate me…" strangled cry…

"Sheldon?...Are you crying?..."

"Hnnnnttt…"

That's not true…Everyone doesn't hate you…Despite having excellent reason…"

"I love you, Sheldon…" the blonde chimed in from the urinal…

"Thank you…Who is that, Leonard…?"

"Maxwell…" the blonde called… "And I can wait if you like…"

"No, thanks…Spoken for…"

"Sorry…Alls fair in love and war…" Maxwell eyed Leonard…

"Yeah, no problem…Sheldon?...Will you come out and tell me why you're hiding in here?..."

"I thought I made it plain…Hnnnnnnnnttttt…" sob…

"Seemed clear to me…" Maxwell nodded…

"Thanks…Sheldon, Is this about Penny?..." Leonard called…

"Oooh…My Henry just that did to me after swearing he's never 'put toes in the other lake'…I sympathize, Sheldon…" Maxwell called…Frowning at Leonard…

"It's not that…He thinks…Well, he did…Hurt…Why am I explaining this to you?..." Leonard waving hands…

"In that case…I sympathize, Leonard…" Maxwell smiled…

"Thanks…But I'll try to work things out…" Leonard, rolling eyes…

"Number's to the right by the first one if you need a shoulder to cry on later…" Maxwell noted, heading out…

"Maxwell!..." Sheldon called… "Wash those hands, mister!..."

Leonard eyeing him as well…Maxwell sheepishly moved back to the sink…

"Sheldon, I'm angry, naturally, but Penny isn't…Amy sure isn't…And even I don't hate you…I just thought you'd been damned selfish…And we need you, if we're gonna help her…You can't stay in there, hiding…"

"I didn't mean to hurt her…I only wanted to help…I love Penny, in the way of a man already pledged to a much hotter babe…"

"Right…Sheldon, she knows that…Now come on and give us a hand figuring out what to do…"

"What if I can't?...I couldn't save Meemaw…Leonard?...What if even my genius isn't enough…?"

"Sheldon!...That's not what I need to hear right now, you know!…"

"This is hardly the time for you to be concerned with yourself, Leonard…" stern tone…

"Right…" sigh, hand to forehead… "Look, Sheldon, with you we have two supergeniuses and four pretty darned good scientists with nearly unlimited access to lab space at a major research university…That's a good start…"

"Amy's a genius…I would even go so far to say a supergenius…Despite her sad choice of a rather limited field…"

"I think she'd like to hear that…Minus the depreciating note on her field…Why don't you come on out and tell her…" Leonard coaxed… "Sheldon, time is slipping by…And who knows how much time we may have, given no human tests had been done before you two idiots made like Frankenstein…Now come on, Dr. Cooper…You're needed…"

"You're right…But first, an apology…"

"Accepted…And if you're about to follow with, 'I mean from you to me' as usual…I'll leave you in there, turn off the lights, lock the outer door, and we'll take our chances without your help…" Leonard glared…

"I meant for Amy…" Sheldon, sighing… "I know I'm responsible, Leonard…But she wasn't…She didn't know till I told her…She thought I was just making recordings not feeding them into someone…"

"I know…And to Amy, yes…I apologize…Now, please come on…Sheldon…" he thought desperately…

"Meemaw would want you to…This is your chance to make it up for her as well as Penny…"

Silence…

Hmmn…?

"Leonard…You're right…" fumbling sound… "Would you kick the latch, it's jammed a bit…Thanks…"

I'm…Ready…" the stall door opened…Sheldon looking determined… "This is for Meemaw and Penny…Yes…From this moment on, the full power of Sheldon Cooper's intellect is devoted to one task and one alone…"

"Thanks…" Leonard nodded…

"So say we all…" Howard's voice, solemnly, from behind the men's room door… "Absobloomingtootly…"  
>Raj's voice… "You betcha…" Amy's voice… "Me, too…" Bernadette's…<p>

"The guys just told me when I came on duty and took your table over…But I'd guessed something was odd when Penny was back there giving us her redesign specs for the kitchen that boosted efficiency 60 % and a new alphanumeric shorthand ordering code that cut orders' time in half…Which is pissing off the rest of the staff, by the way, given the increase in work…" Bernadette noted through the door…


	9. Chapter 9

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XIV…

A fuming Penny, next to Leonard in his car, the rest of the gang, in the rear…

"I cannot believe Stanley let me go…After I redesigned the whole operation to be at least 2.3 times more efficient…" Penny glared…

"I think that might have been it right there…" Leonard noted…Sheepish look at Penny's hard stare… "I mean, he is the manager…"

"I understood the social dynamic and the possible awkwardness of the situation…I offered to tell him in private…But he kept staring at me and telling me he'd 'like to see that'…" Pompously sarcastic tone… "So I went and showed him…" slightly impish grin…

"Sounds like you were perfectly within logical reason to me…" Sheldon noted… "Though the idea of any thought being wasted on such an operation seems beyond pointless to me…"

"I just wanted to help…I didn't want any credit…I told him that…" Penny shook her head…"And then everybody else staring at me…He said they were all afraid of me…How could they be afraid of me?...Have I changed?..."

"Not a whit, your Highness…" Howard, obsequiously…

"Howard?..." she frowned… "We've discussed this?..."

"Right…Sorry…"

"The man obviously suffers from low self-esteem…Understandable in one whose greatest accomplishment is to produce a series of low nutritional value meals at inflated prices…And responded to your initiative as a threat to his position…To put it in colloquial terms, you scared the shit out of the little prick…" Amy noted…

"Exactly…" Leonard nodded… "And the others just weren't used to your doing things like that…But you haven't changed, fundamentally, Penny…"

"You might profit by my experience here, Penny…I having contributed so much to your intellectual gain…" Sheldon began…

"Oh, Lord…" Leonard groaned…

"When I first began to use my gifts, I'd no idea the effect such dazzling abilities as I had been entrusted with would have on ordinary folk…Though I remained the same, unspoiled child of nature I had been on emerging from the womb…To my surprise, many I encountered soon became uncomfortable in my presence…Even at times, hostile…As if they dreaded dealing with such a superior intellect…In time I found myself actually ostracized from much of my local society…"

"Gee…Unbelieveable, Sheldon…" Leonard, sarcastically…

"Uh-huh…" Penny, rolling eyes… "Sheldon, I said I understood the social dynamic here…"

"Yes and failed to deal with it, obviously…Do you know how I dealt with such behavior?..."

"You ran away to a university and after getting a Ph.d, took a job where you'd never have to deal with real people and holed up in an apartment with the only person who could bear your unspoiled child of nature persona…Within limits…?" Penny, pleasant tone…

"Definitely within limits…" Leonard noted…

"Well, yes…But I also learned to ignore such fears…And focus on doing the things I knew I could do better than anyone else and that would, in the fullness of time, help the most people…In my case that being a fuller understanding of the universe…Until our current 'Operation Penny', the only task worthy of the gift I'd been given…I accepted that it was more important to make use of the gift I'd been given, rather than worry what anyone thought of me, despite my empathic eagerness to please those around me…"

"Really?..." Leonard, shaking head…

"'Operation Penny'?…" Penny beamed… "That's sweet, Sheldon…Thanks…And I mean that for all of you guys…" she called back…

"You can't let the inability of people to understand you're trying to help them stop you from using your full potential…So long as you know your goal is to help others, follow your own lodestar, Penny…Follow, follow…" he made a pushing motion…

She grinned… "Ok…Thanks…It was just a wee hurtful…But you're right…I gotta be true to myself so long as I know I'm doing the right thing…"

"I much prefer the image of the lodestar but fine…" Sheldon, shrugging…

"Right…Great advice…From the mad scientist who got us into this…" Leonard pointed out…

"Leonard…" Penny, sternly… "We been over this ground…I made the choice to go ahead and I'll take the consequences…It's ok, Sheldon, I know you meant the very best for me…And we'll get it sorted out…Just don't ever do something like this on homeless people or work-study students, ok…?"

"No, of course not…"

There goes our testing population for any solutions we come up with…He sighed to Amy quietly…

"And losing the Factory will let me focus on my play…As well as this thing…And some other ideas I've got rolling round in the old noggin these days…" Penny noted…

"Especially since Sheldon will cover your salary till you can get a new, paying job…" Leonard eyed Sheldon in the rear view mirror…

"Glad to…" Sheldon noted…If it'll keep her from going to the Bentley group, he whispered to Amy…

Besides, it's not like Leonard asked me to cover all her expenses…Just the inadequate minimum wage salary…

"Thanks…" Penny smiled… "I'll try to get something new asap…"

"Your job is to focus on your own problem…" Leonard insisted… "Let us worry about the money end…"

As we always have with her…Sheldon noted quietly to Amy…

"Well, to that effect…" Penny began… "If you guys don't mind me putting my oar in?...I'd suggest a division of effort?...Amy, you and Leonard and Bernadette should handle things in the lab…Sheldon and I and Raj should do the theoretical work at home and Howard…"

"You'll be doing the food runs…" Sheldon, smugly to Howard…

"Hey!..." Bernadette, narrow-eyed… "That's uncalled for, Sheldon…Not that I'm letting you out of my biohazard bag, Howard…"

"No…Sheldon…" Penny insisted… "Howard, you'll be at the engineering lab, getting a monitor together for the neuronal firing patterns and an enhanced PETT scanner…I've worked out a few ideas while we've been driving…"

Hmmn…So I'll be the one making a few hundred million out of this, however it ends, eh?...Howard thought…

Not that that would ever affect my devotion to the Queen…But it would be neat to throw on to the apology kitty to Bernadette…

"This sound ok to you guys?..." she asked… "I know you're the experts, it just seemed logical…"

"I might venture to suggest Leonard work with us…" Sheldon noted… "Raj can work with Amy and Bernadette at the university…"

Now Moon-pie…Amy glanced at her…Whoa, Nellie…God, I hafta call Mom asap…Glowering?...Yes, definitely that reddening of the facial skin…Jealous lover…

Yes!…Yes!...Oh, hook me up to that neural monitor and watch the sparks fly…

"Sheldon, you've nothing to worry about…" she said calmly…Patting his hand… "I've told Leonard long ago there could be nothing between us…And he's clearly gone back to Penny in a crushed, pathetic rebound…"

Dare I detect a trembling in my hunk-of-burning-passionate-love's hand?...Oh, yeah…

"What?...Ah…" Leonard sighed as Penny winked at him…Come on, it's cute… "I am the experimental physicist, Sheldon…" he frowned… "I think Penny's distribution works better…Besides, Raj would need to write out everything he wants to say to them…"

"Really?..." Sheldon stared at Raj… "Since when have you had trouble talking to Amy?..."

"Since she started having sex with you…And that hormonal rush at the Factory just now, thanks to your little machismo display…It's clear pheromonal release is involved in Raj's disability at some level…" Penny noted…

"Really…?" Amy beamed… "So ergo I've become a target of sexual interest to you, Raj?..."

Uhnn…

"Right…Well, then…Given I've already established my alpha dominance in the pecking order with Leonard…Excellent plan for the distribution of labor, Penny…" Sheldon noted…Glaring at Raj…

"What?..." Leonard fumed… Now…Penny hissed, patting hand…

"I think Sheldon refers to that time you made your first attempt with me and he beat you severally, making you cry like an infant deprived of its maternal breast at feeding…" Amy noted, contentedly…

"What?..."

"It was really more of a brutally efficient application of jiu-jitsu…But the overall effect was the same…" Sheldon noted…

"I did not cry like a baby!...And if that was jiu-jitsu…"

"If you say so…" Sheldon, smugly… "I just say…Take heed of the humiliation of Hofstadter and beware my manly wrath, Raj…"

"I'll 'manly wrath' you in a minute, Sheldon…" Leonard began…

"There's something wrong…" Penny spoke up…

"You bet there is…" Leonard fumed… "And in a minute when I pull over…"

"No…Leonard…Hold on the display of ritual male aggression… " Amy cut in… "Penny, what's wrong?..."

"My hand…" she held it up… "Can't stop it shaking…" nervous stare… "Guys?...I don't think this is the result of caffination…"

"Penny?..." Leonard glanced… "Ok, we're headed for the hospital right now!…" he swerved and stepped on the gas… "Howard, call the ER!…The one we always use near the building..."

"Already autodialing…" Bernadette noted, pride in tone…Howard, sheepish smile at the repressed hint of approval…

They pulled in ten minutes later…Leonard immediately racing for a wheelchair…Raj and Bernadette helping Penny out of the car, Howard on phone to the desk, describing symptoms and threatening immediate legal action by several of his lawyer cousins if Penny was not seen immediately…Sheldon nervously holding Amy's hand, as they stood by Penny…Amy squeezing back…

More than sufficient pressure, sweetness, he noted…

"Sheldon, lets go get the paperwork started…" Raj called…

"Who better to torment the wheels of bureaucracy into fast motion?..." he noted to Penny, smiling gently… "Come on, Sheldon…Time to do what you do best…"

"Ok, lets go…" Leonard had brought the chair… "Here, let me push…" Amy took the chair… "I'm better able to review her symptoms and they'll object less to me going in with her…"

"It's much better, guys…Don't worry…Just a little contracting now…" Penny noted as they went in… "I'll be ok, Leonard…Go see about the paperwork, don't leave Sheldon and Raj alone there…I'll never get a doc…" she smiled to his worried face…

"Thanks for exaggerating the symptoms in the car…" Amy hissed…Pushing along…Bernadette hurrying after them as Howard followed, arguing on phone…

"Don't mention it…" Penny whispered back… "Just lets be clear Leonard woulda clobbered him…Amy…" she growled at Amy's muffled hmmpf…I beg to differ…

"Uh…I'm not exaggerating the leg…" she noted, eyeing her trembling left leg…Bernadette glancing to Howard…

"I said, a neurologist!...Now!...Or this hospital goes into receivership…!" he barked into his phone…

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XV…

What appears to be a dark grotto, a river or canal running through its heart, dimly lit at various points by torches in sconces marking a channel…Down which a gondola-like craft moves, propelled by the efforts of a caped figure at the stern, while in front, lovely in gown and piled hair but face twisted in anxiety…Penny…

Music…The caped figure pushes back his hood to reveal a rather unusually, even for him, wild-eyed Sheldon…And begins singing, in surprisingly fine tenor voice…

"Sing once again with me…Our strange duet…My power over you…Grows stronger yet…"

Penny, nervous stare back…

"And though you turn from me…To glance behind…Sheldon Cooper's intellect is there…Inside your mind…"

Unseen Chorus…

"It's there, the intellect of Sheldon Coooooper…It's there, the intellect of Sheldon Coooper…"

Penny…

"Those whoever see your face…Draw back in fear…I'll be the mask you wear…"

Sheldon…

"It's me they'll hear…"

Together…

"Your/My spirit and Your/My voice…In one combined…The intellllllect of Sheldon Cooper is there…Inside Your/My mind…"

Unseen Chorus…

"It's there, the intellect of Sheldon Coooooper…It's there, the intellect of Sheldon Coooper…"

Sheldon…

"Ohhhh….ohhooohhhh…Ohhh….Oh…"

Penny…

"Ohhhh….ohhooohhhh…Ohhh….Godddd…"

Together…As the gondola craft bumps the grotto rock side…

"Ohhhh!..."

Sheldon, rudely urging Penny out as she frowns back…

You are gonna help me out of here, buddy…

He finally gives in, offering arm to help her out…Leading her into a vast chamber, lit by endless rows of candles…

"Sheldon?..."

"Shhhh…" finger upraised… "Welcome to The Cemetery of Forgotten Knowledge…Meaning I've forgotten more than you or most people will ever know…"

"Till now…" Penny, shrewdly…

Hmmn…Valid point…But anyway…

Sheldon, singing…

"I have brought you…To the seat of sweet Science's throne…To this kingdom where all must pay homage to Knowledge…Knowledge…"

"Ok…" Penny, looking round…

Sheldon…

"You have come here…For one purpose and one alone…Since I first met you I've need you here, to help me conserve for the world my ideas…My knowledge…My knowledge…"

"Uh-huh…" Penny nods…

"Nighttime, darkness…Folding in around you…Night time stirs and wakes imagination…Silently your senses are heightened beyond immenses…"

("What?..."

"I'm trying to fit the words…Bear with me…")

"You alone can give my intellect flight…"

"No!,…"…scream startles the two…

"Whoa…" Amy gasped…Blinking…Seeing the rather bland walls of the waiting room, Raj across from her, asleep in his chair…

"What…?" Sheldon, beside, eyed her…

"Nothing…" brightly… "A nightmare…How's Penny?..."

"They'll release her in an hour…The neurologist said there was no sign of serious problems just a slight overload of serotonin…You remember, you heard his report…"

"Right…But that can be serious…" she pulled up in her chair…

"She'll be monitored but he felt the levels didn't warrant serious concern, right now…And they seemed to be declining…Which the last report now confirms…"

"Good…Good…" Amy nodded, sighing… "Any other symptoms since I nodded off…?"

"No…And as yet no changes in her mental ability or physical function…Amy?...Is anything wrong?..."

"Just a nightmare…I could use a degree of physical comfort though…"

"Coitus?...Here?..."

"Sheldon…" sigh… "Embrace me…" she put her head into his lap…

"And promise me you'll never let anyone come between us…"

"What?...Amy?..."

"Sheldon…You nearly ruined my career and all I'm asking for is this…Just do it…"


	10. Chapter 10

Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XVI…

"What?..." Penny at whiteboard in Leonard's and Sheldon's apartment eyed the staring Sheldon and Raj…

V-Penny, in holographic form above her Roomba base, staring as well, offering the others' unspoken comment in verbal form… "What the fuck is that?..."

"Guys…And you mind your language, girl…It's a basic derivation of the equation for the synaptic plasticity model taken to the next molecular sublevel…Sheldon?...You must see I'm right here?..."

V-Penny rolling eyes…Mind my holographic butt…Grumble to Raj…

"Hey!...Just record this for further analysis and to play back for Leonard…" Penny, sharply…

"Now…Sheldon?..."

"I see what you're aiming at…" Sheldon, cautiously… "And the formulae seem correct for the model you're dealing with…But…"

"I'm totally lost…" Raj sighed… "I do get the exponential quality of the synaptic modification but I can't see how you do it on the quantum level…"

"Let me walk you through it…" Penny sighed…

Do I really swear so much?...she hissed to Raj…

Well…

Cal Tech…

"All right…MRI scan of the stage five rats' brains indicate no structural anomalies or aberations…" Leonard sums up…Amy and Bernadette, seated in his lab nodding… "While the PETT scans taken during the study show high metabolic activity in these regions of the brains…" he taps at various points on an image on a projector screen… "Amy?...You're up…"

She rises and takes his position by the screen… Pointing…

"We know the serotonin levels are elevated for periods which ties into the food intake since serotonin is produced largely in the intestines…Glutamate is also elevated in the modifiable synapses and GABA is reduced…Which makes logical sense, given the boost in intellectual achievement, if we tie it to the standard theory on the role of modifiable synaptic plasticity…Now, long-term potentiation between neurons we believe is modulated by genes like activin ß-A, which specificially was confirmed as up-regulated in our deceased rodent siblings, leading to clear physical changes in the dentritic spines's cytoskeletal structure…That, along with an increase in receptors at the modifiable synapses, appears to be the really striking change…The dentritic spines have lengthened, which increases the chance of making synaptic contact…And the receptor increase is confirmed by the increased expression of PSD-95 protein…In short, the rats and presumably Howard's new scanner will confirm, Penny, have been rewired for a much faster neural net…And these changes are likely to be long-term…" she eyed the others…

"So…To sum up…" Leonard noted… "You're saying even if we keep Penny from overeating, the changes to this point are likely to remain in place…"

"Unless another event causes a physical downgrade, yes…" Amy nods… "Meaning Sheldon may have achieved his goal…" she beams…

"With what drawbacks?..." Leonard frowns… "We've seen evidence of serotonin overloading…Glutamate toxicity is a possibility…And the increase in synaptic connections theoretically could leave her more vulnerable to prion degradation…Amyloidosis…Etc, etc…"

"Theoretically…But we've seen no evidence of susceptibility as yet…" Amy, a bit anxiously…

"So…This means Penny could be at higher risk for things like Alzheimer's?..." Bernadette cut in…

Leonard eyeing Amy sternly…

"The possibility exists…"Amy sighed… "But we can take preventative steps and monitor…In fact this could in effect be a help to research in the field of Alzheimer and prion disease research…This sort of stimulation and, as necessary, restimulation , could compensate for such effects under certain conditions…"

"Before you start giving your and Sheldon's award speech…" Leonard fumed a bit… "I would point out we've now established that Sheldon did put Penny at risk…Over the long term as well as the short toxic effect…"

"Possible early senility in exchange for a superbrain…Not an easy call…" Bernadette shook her head…Pausing at Leonard's hard stare… "Theoretically of course…"

"She could be perfectly fine, just at a slightly elevated risk…" Amy, cautiously… "Leonard, Sheldon honestly thought…Based on the data…"

"Based on almost no data, you mean…" Leonard, harshly… "He took the first results of your first tests and went right ahead…Amy, this is an ethical nightmare by any sense of the word…"

"She was really in trouble, Leonard…And Sheldon was really concerned…I might note, she's stopped drinking almost completely and the risks from that were surely…"

"That was Penny's call…Not Sheldon's…"

"And Penny took the risk and even now…"

"Penny, unlike your intimate partner, is a kind-hearted and giving person who is willing to overlook the fact that Mad Dr. Cooper took advantage of her ignorance…I'm not so giving…" he glared…

"You know Sheldon said he'd accept it if you feel you have to go the University Ethics Board…" she eyed him… "However…Please, don't…I don't care about my career but…"

"I 'm not going…" he sighed… "It's up to Penny and if she's willing to forgive Sheldon, I won't press the matter, so long as we don't see complications…But she is not a guinea pig and you two are not going to profit from this research…"

"I should think only Howard and Penny are likely to profit…Penny from her new found abilities…Given her holographic system could replace every form of telecommunication now in use…For starters…And Howard from the new scanner she's designed, with his help…Which I'm sure was of great value…" nod to Bernadette who beams…

"You know what I mean, Amy…No paper, not even a commentary on this…"

"Leonard, the research does have applications…Possibly major ones as we've just mutually noted…"

"You can do what you want with your rat work…Cure Alzheimer's and win the Nobel for all I care…" Leonard shrugged… "But not a word about Penny…I don't want her becoming some kind of one-woman freak show…"

Frown… "Penny is my best friend, female, Leonard…And my best friend, period, if I allow Sheldon a different plane of reference owing to the depth of our intimacy…I'd no intention of mentioning her role here unless she asked for credit…And then only as a coresearcher…"

"Sorry…I know all this isn't your fault, Amy…But you shouldn't be having to defend Sheldon on this one…"

"Love means having to defend your mate, Leonard…" Amy, wry smile… "As you are doing, admirably…"

"Remarkable …" Sheldon nodded… "You've demonstrated theoretically the theory of synaptic plasticity at the quantum level and I can't find a flaw in the work at any point…" shaking head…

"Thank you…" Penny beams…

"Go, sis…" V-Penny hoots…

"Of course Amy deserves the credit…She designed the system and worked out the initial neuronal model…" Penny, hastily… "I'm just extrapolating her work…"

"No…" Sheldon shook head again… "This is profoundly deeper…Lord, I have done it again…" he beamed…

"Excuse me…?" Penny, v-Penny in unison…

"Well, the intellectual motor for this brilliant modeling comes from me…" he noted, happily… "Ergo, bravo Dr. Sheldon Cooper…"

"Sheldon…" Raj, glaring… "This is Penny's concept…All you did was violate every ethical standard we've sworn to upload as scientists working in a democratic, human-rights abiding (usually, sometimes) country…"

"Right on, Raj…" v-Penny, nodding… "We are brainy, we are Penny…"

"It's fine…Sheldon, you can be the intellectual motor…" Penny, sighing… "But concede at least I've made good adaptive use of it…"

"Absolutely…And I'll be happy to include you as coauthor…"

"Sheldon…" Raj, grimly… "It's Penny first on that paper or I'll be the one going to the University, not Leonard…"

"Sheldon…" he repeated…Staring coolly…At a pouting Sheldon…

"And I got the video to play back if he needs it…" v-Penny noted…

"Fine…First author…" Sheldon, glaring…

"Sweetie, I don't care…" Penny, shaking head… "I'm just glad you're willing to admit I have some hand in using the tools…"

"Good…" Sheldon beams… "Cause I'd like to put Amy as second author…"

"Only on the theoretical paper regarding this data…" Penny eyed him… "The experimental work and the basic theory for the system …Hers…Or I go to the University…"

"Of course…" Sheldon, nodding.. "I'd never steal Amy's neurobiological thunder…I was only referring to the quantum model…"

"Then we're fine…" Penny, returning nod…

"Right…Lets slap together a conclusion and an abstract and get this puppy to the Journal of Applied Physics…" Sheldon beamed…

"Great…But now you two have settled authorship credit, could we focus on the problem?..." Raj cut in… "As in, will Penny be ok?..."

"Raj, that's sweet…" Penny smiled… Then serious "But that's not the issue at stake here…We're talkin' about a study with potentially great implications in neurodegenerative disease…And about proper allotment of credit…For my bestie…Any personal problems with me don't matter…The need of the many, you know…"

"Oh, not 'Star Trek' references again…." v-Penny sighed…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XVII…

Penny's apartment…That evening…

Penny sighing at Leonard next to her on sofa…He frowning at the wall…

"Leonard…Sweetie…"

"Enhanced risk for Alzheimer's and other possible prion-related diseases…" Leonard eyed Penny…

"I know, but…"

"There are no buts…And I don't care if the results may help other people someday…" he fumed…

"It's only a possibility…And I knew there could be risks…I wish you wouldn't assume I was too stupid to understand that…I was going downhill fast and I wanted help…I asked for help…Sheldon made me ask…"

"He would…Look, I've already said I won't go to the University as long as you say don't…But if you expect me to let Sheldon off on this one…"

"You can't stay mad at him forever…"

"Watch me…" glare…

"Leonard's absolutely right…" v-Penny, suddenly materializing above her Roomba platform in sweatshirt and shorts…Beaming nod to Leonard…He staring…

"Will you please stop doing that?...We'd like some privacy here…" Penny eyed her counterpart…

"Well, excuse me for artificially living…" glare… "I was left on…"

"I'll remedy that…" Penny grabbed the power cord and pulled…V-Penny shrinking to miniature size…

"Thanks I get for doin' my job…" she grumbled… "But Leonard's still right here…Even if you reprogram me, you Nazi lobsterist…"

"Hey…" Penny glared… "And it's lobotomist…"

"Whatever…I know you deleted some of my files the other day…" v-Penny, accusingly… "Leonard?...Don't let her hurt me again…Please?..."

Ummn…He stared at the appealing tiny face…

"Bye…" Penny pressed the off-switch…Dark glare from v-Penny… "This ain't o…"

"This is getting a little scary…" Leonard shook his head… "You know she turned the heat up this morning while you were asleep and told me it was 'cause she knows I like it warmer…Then she asked me if I'd like her to wear anything 'special'…I think she may be getting a little obsessed with me…"

"Oh, really?...Well, don't worry…I'll fix her…" Penny, coolly…

"You won't…Hurt her?..." he eyed her…

"Leonard?..." she frowned…

"I mean…It's such an amazing breakthrough in artificial intelligence…I wouldn't wanna see it…Hurt…" sheepish tone…

"And she asked me not to let you hurt her…"

"Is this because she's more like the old me?..." Penny frowned… "Are you transferring some resentment over my intellectual gains into sympathy for her as a version of 'old me'?..."

"What?...No…Penny…You saw how she looked at me…How could I not feel a little sorry for her?..." he eyed her stern look back…Smiling…

"Are you…Jealous?..."

Shrug…"Just because I'm superintelligent don't mean I don't kick the butt of any girl trying to move in on my guy, Leonard…Real or AI…I just can do it more efficiently now…" smile… "Besides…" frown… "I know what the bitch is up to…Playing you like a harp…Just the way I…"

Ummn…

"On the other hand, I guess I have succeeded pretty well my first time out in AI…" bright grin…

Frown… "She was wearing that sweatshirt you like, wasn't she?..."

"I didn't ask her to…I just said it looked nice on her…"

Sheldon's and Leonard's (and now provisionally Amy's, pending more formal arrangements as per the "live-in girlfriend" clause of the roommate agreement) apartment…

The remaining gang at supper…Szechuan Palace supplied…

"Sheldon?..."

"Yes…" sigh…

"Since I have no empirical data, I'm falling back on my woman's intuition…A thing I'd never thought possible…" Amy, beam… "But since I never thought I'd become a handsome stud's love kitten…What the hell…Are you upset?..."

"No…" sigh…

"Damn it!..."

Stares…

"Sorry…I didn't mean to make you jump…Either of you…" she eyed the gasping Howard…Bernadette patting him, slight frown to Amy…

Arrhythmia boy here, you know?...

"I'm just disappointed not to hit the emotional bullseye on my first shot..." Amy sighed… "Well, are you sad?..."

"Close enough…"

"Yes!…" Two thumbs up…Move to her mate's side…Head bend to lean against side…

"Is that better?"

"Hmmn…Actually…Yes…" surprised tone…

"Good…Why are you sad?...Is it because of Penny?..."

"Mmmn…Not exactly…"

"Ah, Leonard then…It's always either Penny or Leonard…" regretful tone…

"Au contraire…I've been sad and upset over many people, in fact I spend the bulk of my emotional existence, such as it is, mourning the limited intellectual state of Mankind…" Sheldon eyed her…

"Oh…" sadder tone…

"And you are fishing, Amy Farrah Fowler...You know very well I now spend a good deal of my limited emotional capital on concerns with you…You minx…" narrow-eyed smile…

Returned…

"Howard?..." Bernadette stared, anxious… "Are you all right?...Why are you crying…?"

"I'm…Ok…" he wiped eyes… "I just never believed I'd live to hear Sheldon Cooper make such a profound declaration of love…"

"Though I suppose you are right, here…" Sheldon continued…Slight stare at Howard…Now enfolded in Bernadette's embrace… "It is Leonard I'm mainly sad about…He's still very angry at me…"

"With reason…" Raj, who'd been eyeing the couples as he ate quietly…

I can't live like this anymore, alone in the presence of such devastating coupled happiness…I'll sell the Maserati and use the money to win my gold-digging deaf girl back…Perhaps Mummy and Daddy will die by the time I've cleaned that out or I can hire an Indian actress to stand in as my intended…They'd pay through the nose for that…

"Raj…" Amy frowned…

"No, he's right…" Sheldon sighed… "And even my offer to provide Penny with daily sponge baths should she go ga-ga from prion-related disease in middle-age didn't change his mood…"

"Well, I am sure shocked…" Howard, grinning… "Now if Raj offered to sponge bathe Bernie when she goes senile…"

"Howard…" Bernadette, frowning…

Oh, I must pinch myself…Raj thought…I am surely deep in yet another fantasy…

"Well, that's not going to happen…Especially the sponge bathing…Of Penny, that is…" Amy noted, rather firmly… "What Howard and Bernadette care to indulge in with a third party is their own business, of course…"

Yes, definitely a fantasy…Raj sighed…

"Nor is prion-related disease…At least, it's not likely…We've only established the risk is slightly elevated…"

"That may be true, but I still did wrong…" Sheldon shook his head… "As Meemaw would say, it don't matter if we can't see…God does…"

"Penny's not angry…She accepts she took a risk…She's grateful…" Amy, hastily… "And nothing can be done now except to carefully monitor her…"

"I should go to the University…But…That might get you into trouble…Amy?...How do I put this right?..." mournful tone…

"Sheldon…" Howard shook his head… "As long as Penny is ok, the best thing to do is just as you say, monitor her…We've all done stupid things in Science we regret…"

"That's not a reference to the rumor about our crossing of Ebola with the common cold in my lab…?" Bernadette, anxiously… "I mean, that being just a rumor of course…"

"Leonard once nearly blew up a building with rocket fuel…I won't say what building…" Howard pointed out… "And nearly gave away national security secrets to a North Korea spy…I don't see him riddled with guilt every day…"

"And of course there are your many mishaps…" Raj noted… "From the Mars Rover fiasco to the ISS toilet…"

"Hey, the Rover 'fiasco' as you call it provided possible evidence for bacterial life on Mars…And the ISS thing was a minor glitch…"

"That caused six astronauts to have to be rescued by an emergency Soyuz launch…"

"That was a preventive measure owing to an exceptionally power solar flare…"

"So you say…" Raj, narrowly…

"Yes, well how about your own little accidents…?" Howard frowned…

"What accidents?...I'm in astrophysics where there's nothing I handle that can be broken...It's all in deep outer space, too big to do damage to, and out of my reach…Except the telescopes and monitoring equipment and they're insured…" Raj grinned…

"Guess your foreign sidekick chose the right field, eh?..." smug look…

"Except when you spent six months on grant playing video games and writing emails…With, what were your words?... 'Diddly-squat' to show for your research?..." Howard, smile…

"Oh…Right…" sigh… "Yeah, Sheldon, we've all been there…"

"Comforting as your own many failures may be to me…" Sheldon sighed… "And I would add your falsified data during our disastrous North Polar expedition to the list of your follibles…I still have my own moral issue to resolve here…I have sinned…And I must find some means of atonement…"

"Well, as Penny is my bestie…" Amy began…Scrunching closer… "Lavishing passionate devotion upon me for the rest of our lives would probably be an excellent start…" grin…

"I was planning to do that anyway…" Sheldon, slight smug smile…Extending arm to rub Amy's side…She doing likewise…

"Oh…My…God…" Howard, staring… "Are they actually being…Cute?..."

"As kittens…" Bernadette, beaming…

"Don't panic…" Raj whispered to the stunned Howard watching the two cuddling happily…

"I'm fairly certain this is a fantasy I'm having…"


	11. Chapter 11

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XVIII…

"Well, guys…" Penny beamed at the group in Sheldon's (and now, provisionally, Amy's as per the Live-in Girlfriend clause of the Roommate Agreement) and Leonard's (pending final decision on living arrangements) apartment…

A slightly sulky v-Penny hovering over her Roomba platform behind her with Leonard, reluctantly allowed to come by Penny at Leonard's urging…

C'mon…I hate to see her sad when we leave her behind…

So just shutoff the clinging bitch…Her grim reply…

"Whatdya think?..." Penny spun round to show off her costume as the Nurse from "Romeo and Juliet"…

"Very nice…" Amy smiled…Echoed by the various gang members…

"How bout my outfit?..." v-Penny hissed to Leonard…She resplendent in Cinderella princess costume…

"It's lovely, too…" Leonard assured her…

"Thank you…"

"Penny, it's great…" he called…

"How's about this?..." v-Penny, now in tiger's cloth with slashes and heavily darkened eyebrows…

"Ummn…It's nice too…"

"It could get much kinkier…If you like…?" she whispered…

"Well, that's nice of you but I don't think so…Excuse me…" Leonard slipped to side…Deliberately charting a course the Roomba could not follow between furniture over to Penny…

"Jesus…Hey!..." Penny, looking to see… "You put on a decent outfit or you're off for the rest of the evening!…" she sternly informed the holograph…Which eyed her darkly…

"Fine…Here's one Leonard likes…"

Howard blinking to see a Penny in Classic Trek Lieutenant Uhura costume…

"Tell her to put something decent on right now or so help me…" Penny eyed Leonard…

"Honey, that's really a private moment kinda thing…" he called back kindly…V-Penny warmly smiling back…To Penny's glare…

"Ok…Later…How's this?..." she frowned at Penny, now in exact copy of the Nurse's costume…

"You want me to get one of those Uhura costumes?..." Bernadette hissed to Howard…

"To paraphase a line of Ted Baxter's, I want every woman in the developed world to get a costume like that…" Howard sighed…

"So, are we ready to see my Shakespearian assistant directorial debut?...You're gonna love our Juliet…" Penny noted…

"Noble, sooo noble…" v-Penny, darkly to Raj, the only one she could get close to…

"Now, now…Don't be catty, girl…" he frowned…

"Will you take me along?...I wanna speak to Leonard…" she whispered…

A scheming hologram is whispering treachery in my ear?...Whoa…It's like I'm a guest on Star Trek…

Yeah, the briefly charming Indian guy in the red shirt who gets bumped off by the villainess hologram in the first two minutes…

"Sweetheart…I think you should ask Penny if that's ok…" he told her kindly…

"Some way to help a fellow member of an oppressed race…" she glared, harsh whisper… "Handing me over to my oppressor like some Indian prince selling his people out to the Brits…"

"Hey…Our family only did that once, in the eighteenth century…" Raj frowned… "And it was a treaty, very formal and all that…"

Ooops…He looked to see Penny had noticed them and come over…

"Are you making trouble, girl?..." Penny, coldly…

"No…Ma'am…" v-Penny, submissively, slight whimper…Careful eye of Raj…Who sighed…

"We were just talking, Penny…It's ok…"

"It better be…" she frowned… "Time for you to say good night…"

"No, please…" v-Penny, pathetic tone… "It gets all dark…It's like dying…Or drowning, slowly…Leonard?...Please!..." she looked over to him as he came over…

"Couldn't she stay up and clean the rugs or something…?" Leonard sighed…

"I do that…Sure I could…If someone would just empty my lint container first…" v-Penny, anxiously… "Please…Ma'am…"

"Right, indulge her…I know exactly what your little game is, missy…" Penny frowned… "Fine…" she sighed at Leonard's and Raj's troubled looks… "But I expect this place to be clean when we get back…"

"Everywhere I can reach, ma'am…Yes, ma'am…"

"Stop with the servile crap, girl…" Penny glared… "No one is buying…"

"Ok…Just don't wipe my memory, please?...I don't want to be just a brain-dead vacuum cleaner with a pretty, lobotomized face…" desperate, pleading look…

"Just behave yourself…" Penny frowned… "And you two idiots…" she eyed Raj and Leonard… "Stop being clay pigeons…She's playing you…"

"Do you believe this?..." Howard to Sheldon and Amy…

"It is a bit of a waste of my talents for mere cybernetic tinkering…" Sheldon noted… "But all-in-all, I can't say I'm surprised my intellect would achieve so remarkable a breakthrough in AI…"

"It's Penny's breakthrough, Sheldon…" Howard frowned…Then shook his head… "I kinda thought it was a great toy but I'd no idea she'd achieved an M-5…It's talking to us without any set dialogue or pattern…This thing is incredible…I mean Nobel prize incredible if she can write out the whole theory behind it…"

"Nobel prize number one…" Sheldon frowned to Amy as Howard headed over to add his support for not shutting the sad-eyed v-Penny down…

"Now…You know you should be proud…And pleased…" Amy patted him… "And you are still to blame…No offense…"

"Is it ok if I'm glad it's not yet Physics?…"

"All the better to encourage her interest in AI and Neurology then…" Amy, arch look…

"Very clever, Amy Farrah Fowler…Given your actions at the University the other night and this…Do I sense a delightfully Machiavellian streak buried in there somewhere…?"

"Rather selfless Machiavellian streak if I'm encouraging her to win one in my own field…" she noted…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XIX…

"Death was the solution!..." Android Rock told a gasping Kirk, crushed in his grip on screen…

Hmmn…The image of Penny in sweats with hair bunned floating holographically above the Roomba platform frowned at the TV screen…

"Easy enough for you, brother…" she glared… "But my Leonard would never forgive me…Plus how can you screw a cloud of ionized gas…?" sad shake of head at the screen…Channels flipping…

Hmmn…Wonder if there's any chance I could tap into the video feed for the local channel covering the play?...

Oh and lets not forget…The Queen Bitch wants a clean floor…Frown…

As if I get even minimum wage for this…The Roomba moving round…Ah, hey…The platform paused…v-Penny peering at the screen…

Bingo…The stage, actors in costume…

Geesh, a-v geek…How's about a closer-up so we can see something?...Oh!...Leonard!...Hey!...She waved….

Right…Can't see me…

Never can see me…Never will…Even given super-brain is no longer the real me he loved…

It's so wrong…All crazy Sheldon's mad experiment's fault…

I see Einsteina won't be on tonight…There's Ms. Scranton in costume…

Well, that was nice to take a back seat to the old lady…Noble, so noble…Our new hallmark…

Yeah, like that's really us…What kind of freak have you created, Cooper?...

Leonard can't love that…It's not me…

I'm the real me…Good ole Penny, trapped in here…

Ok, maybe not exactly the real Penny and with a few supplements…But not brainiac Penny, sure to leave him when she decides he can't keep up…My poor Lenny…

And I could've formulate a new lactose-free ice cream, giving a little time on the Net…

She's already writing up the synaptic theory paper on how Amy did it…It's on my server…How long's it gonna be before she's off to some super think-tank Leonard won't even be able to get clearance to visit?...He'll be abandoned…Hurt again…Like when we dumped him 'cause we couldn't say "I love you' back…And fell prey to our prime enemy…

Wil Wheaton…Who definitely must either taste my electric death…Or be destroyed with compromising Net photos somehow appearing everywhere…

But what good is it taking revenge there…I'll still just be…She eyed the Roomba's reflection on the TV screen…

A souped-up vacuum cleaner…

There's Leonard again…On stage left, next to…The Queen Bitch…And…

Run data search…Local newspaper….Picture…Comparison match to 99.7%...Yeah…

Juliet…Pretty kid…

Telling her how to do it, no doubt…

"Don't listen to her, kid!...Just be yourself!..." she called to the screen…

"Oh, Leonard…" she moved her platform as close as possible to the TV… "How can I let you be set up for heartbreak like this…?"

No…Eyes narrowing…

There's gotta be a way…I'm the real Penny…All that's left of her…And the real Penny belongs in that oh, so carefully crafted…

Ok, largely luck of genetics and high metabolism…Body…

Hmmn…Superbrain came to be just as I did after all…Via data loading…Neurally of course but still utilizing an electrical/digital interphase…

Which interphase I have access to the schematics for stored on my server…

But even if I could upload…What good would it do to be floating around in that overstuffed brain?...Just a repeat mostly of old stuff she's pushed aside…Exceptin' my own independent existence time…

Hmmn…Review data on shock-induced amnesia…

"Ok, kid…" Penny in Nurse's costume…Leonard standing by her in the left stage corner…Patting the young teenager in rather authentic Shakespearian costume…

Amazing what you can do with a few swatches and a complete knowledge of the Elizabethan stage, Penny noted to Leonard…

"Get out there and show your Romeo how romantic love is done…" grin to the girl's nervous smile…

"Penny…?" Toby Barrett, a tall, graying man in gray slacks, brown sweater, somewhat affected beret, came to her and Leonard…

"Yeah, Toby…?" Penny smiled at him, lowering her voice carefully as "Oh, she doeth teach the torches to burn bright…" wafted in from the stage…

"Elisabeth is wondering if you can review the lines with her one last time…"

"On my way…." She beamed… "Leonard, you stay and enjoy the show, I'll be back in a few…" she patted him and turning, hurried off to the side exit…

"Remarkable girl…" Toby noted to Leonard…

"No question there…" Leonard nodded…

"I've never met a young lady so gifted in her ability to master the lines and retain the scenes as a whole…I'm amazed she hasn't made a bigger splash yet…"

"Well…She's more into acting for the…Umm…Craft itself…Not so interested in TV and movies and all that…" Leonard…Trying to maintain a solemn look…

"It shows…" Barrett nodded… "I only wish more young actors were so dedicated to the craft itself…She has a great future in direction as well as acting…I must confess, young man…She knows more about this play than I ever did…Tell me, has she studied Shakespeare long?..."

"All her life…" Leonard…Nodding solemnly… "Of course her graduate work isn't complete yet but…"

"Well, she needs to update her CV…No need to hide her light under a bushel…All she had listed was her first year at community college…"

"I've told her…She's just so busy…But we'll do that…"

"Such a tragic tale…"Amy hissed to Sheldon as they sat, ten rows from the stage, in a spot carefully selected by Penny as the perfect spot for Sheldon…Excellent crossventilation…Perfect acoustic foci…A good view of the stage yet allowing the pair to engage in the low decibel commentary she'd known was irrepressible for them…

"…And yet I could see myself shoving one in the guts for love of…Someone…" smile…

"I'd never want that, Amy…"

"Oh?..." disappointed tone…

"I want you to live…For me…Forgive the somewhat self-centered implication…"

Gasp…"Sheldon…?"

"Yes?..."

"Please marry me…"

"I thought that went without saying…Implied by the living for me remark…"

"Holy cow!...And I mean that with full religious implication…" Raj, seated next to Amy, gasped…

Several audience members glaring…

"Sheldon…God-damnit man, ask the lady properly…" he hissed…

"Oh, no…This does fine…" Amy noted….

"What are they talking about over there…?" Bernadette hissed to Howard…They being seated a row behind…

"No idea…Sheldon's probably just complaining about his seat…"


	12. Chapter 12

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XX…

"Sheldon…Sheldon…Sheldon…"

"Rajesh, must you keep doing that?..." Amy frowned at him…

"Until the little geek asks you properly, yes…" Raj frowned back, eyeing Sheldon as the three stood waiting in the theater main hall…

"But I indicated my willingness to accept Amy Farrah Fowler's proposal…" Sheldon noted, puzzled expression…

"How generous of you…Ask the lady properly, dude…Knees, ring, flowers…The whole schmear, as Howard's and my (once they discover the wonder that is the bagel) people would say…This woman is a treasure, Sheldon…A princess like your Indian story book lady…Overdue thanks by the way for that very positive cultural support…This is not the way to request the hand of a princess…"

"You mean a ring like this…?" Amy extended hand… "Made from a washer from the first computer he ever made?...The diamond I chose of course…"

"Bazinga…" she grinned…Patting the beaming Sheldon…

"Engaged?..." Penny blinked at the happy couple in the theater lobby…

"As in to be married?..." Leonard blinked…

If you'd just gone along with my plan earlier…Howard hissed to Raj…

"Enough, Howard…Penny is the proof that Sheldon's intellect can be merged with a whole functional human…" Raj hissed back… "And a woman like Amy Farrah Fowler is up to the challenge of doing so…"

"We wanted to keep it a secret till the ring was ready but Sheldon couldn't…Make out…With me…Until he'd proposed…" Amy beamed…

"It's the way I am…" Sheldon nodded…

"And you didn't tell us…For days?..." Bernadette stared at Amy…

"So much was going on with Penny…We didn't want it to interfere…There was some chance we were headed for federal prison…And I did want my rock to show off…" grin…Polish… "See how the diamond gleams against the bent stainless steel?..."

"You dog…" Leonard, poking Sheldon… "I can't believe you actually managed to keep this under your hat…"

"What's truly impressive is that he made it to the jeweler's on his own…" Amy noted proudly…

"And thanks, Leonard…" she whispered…

"He's hard to stay mad at…" shrug back…

"It's beautiful, Amy…" Penny…Slight choke up…

"Leonard…?" Amy, head jerk in Penny's direction…

"It's a perfect merging of Sheldon's love of Science and of Romance…" Penny sighed…Leonard, a bit uncertainly moving to her side…She putting arm round him…

"Well, if you want one when we decide…" he began, carefully…

"Well…?" Amy eyed Raj…

"When the formalities commence with the Hofstadter team I'll be equally adamant…" he nodded…

"Looks like we got the pick of the litter romancewise…" she noted to Bernadette who, considering, had to nod…

Eye to Howard…Arch smile…

"Well…Maybe a little more formal would be my taste…" Penny reflected… "But it would make a nice wedding band if you still have one of your older computers…"

"Penny…I'm the nerd who's lived across the hall from you for years…You know darned well I have most of every computer I've ever owned stashed away…" Leonard replied…

"Did he at least do the knees?..." Bernadette asked Amy… "Howard kneed it…"

"Actually as we were both approaching climax for the first time, he prostrated himself and hugged my ankles…He was very anxious for me to say yes…" Amy beaming at Sheldon… "Weren't you, Moonpie?..."

"It seemed the logical thing to do…" nod…

"What can I say?…I used sex as a tool of entrapment…" Amy, sighing, sly grin…

The young "Juliet" entered the hall, in street clothes, rushing up to Penny…

"Nice job…" Penny hugged her…

"Indeed it was…" Sheldon nodded… "An excellent performance and sure to bring a tear or two from the more emotional…"

"Was he the guy who screamed 'No'! and ran for the stage when I stabbed myself?..." the actress hissed...

"Yeah…Incurable romantic…" Penny nodded…

"So he is…" Amy beamed…

"Raj, would you stop glaring at me like that?..." Leonard, a bit peeved…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXI…

"Of course the thing is, we didn't completely keep a secret here…" Amy noted as the group…Two-thirds still a bit stunned…Walked to Leonard's car…

"The matter not being fully resolved…"Sheldon noted, nodding…

"What?..." Leonard started… "You mean you're not engaged…?"

Howard, hopeful look….Perhaps all not lost for Humanity…

"We are now…" Amy beamed… "The answer, Sheldon, my darling….Before all our dear friends, in the midst of of the Pasadena Community Players parking lot…And with a less angry Leonard at hand available to stand as your best man…Being yes…"

As if you didn't know…she whispered in his ear, kissing….

"You didn't give him an answer…?" Penny blinked…

"I told him I needed a day or two to consider… Psychologic data indicates in such matters it's best to take a pause after such an emotionally stunning, life-altering experience… While sociologic data on marital couples suggests a period of consideration is wise in confirming the enduring nature of the commitment… Plus, despite his East Texas social inhibitions he was as anxious as I to see how we did at coitus before the commitment was irreversible…And of course…I am not a woman to be reduced to an emotional puddle by the first gentleman caller offering his hand…" attempt at nonchalant look…

"You did give me a provisional yes before we engaged…" Sheldon, frowning…

"Provisionally, perhaps…But given our mutual fantasies that evening of our first quarternary orgasmic experience…" Amy eyed him… "It could just as easily have been imaginary Amy saying provisionally yes…"

More than I wanted to know about said experience, thanks…Leonard sighed to himself…

"Actually…I was an emotional puddle…But, now that I've landed him…And got witnesses…I can play these kinds of games with his mind…" Amy to Penny, happily… "It's all part of the sexual dance that forms such a major part of our relationship…"

"I've linked myself to a vixen…" Sheldon sighed…

"And how you…Like it…" Amy, singing…Arm around his neck…Pulling…Kiss…Deep kiss…

Group stare…

"He's returning…Unbelievable, dude…" Raj, in wonder…Howard shaking head in befuddled horror…

"That's so sweet…Yet somehow, terrifying…" Bernadette, hissing to Penny at the end… Audible pop at undocking…

"Hmmn…Yes…I suppose I do…" Sheldon, considering, calm nod… "By the way, Dr. Fowler…I believe we should perform one more observation of the stage five rat corpses…Tonight…"

"Now?..." Leonard stared… "It's eleven pm…"

"But Heng's team completed…Oh…" a puzzled Amy caught Sheldon's stare…

Right…Two can play at this swirling game of passion…And tonight's moon should just be rising high enough now to be peeking coyly into the Tropical Flora and Fauna lab…A most noble bazinga, my lusty knight…Impish smile…

"Sheldon's right, duty calls…Sorry all…But in addition to our solemn duty to constantly obtain data pertaining to Penny's condition, highly sexually charged couples like us must express our love physically… " Amy beamed…

Amy…Children here…Penny hissed…

Oh God, yes…Someone, think of the children…Howard, still shaking head…

"Didn't they all just witness two young lovers meet suddenly in a torrent of passion, fleetingly engage in intercourse, and then commit mutual suicide?..." Amy, innocently…

"Yeah…But no one used the word…Sexual…" Penny noted…

"Point taken…" Amy nodded…

"Leonard, were you trying to obtain data for improving your technique watching us make out or must I consider your fixed stare a mating challenge?..." Sheldon eyed him…

"What?...Sheldon…I wasn't staring…Just a little…Stunned…"

"You were staring, Leonard…I caught you out of the corner of my eye…" Amy, contentedly… "But, being a securely engaged type I can cut you a little slack and go with Sheldon's first explanation…Any pointers you need for better pleasuring my bestie we'll be happy to go over…"

"Yeah, thanks…But I was not…"

Penny eyeing him sternly…

"…just a bit stunned…Doesn't happen every day…Howard and Raj were too…" he concluded, somewhat lamely… "Doesn't happen every day…Geesh…"

"You were staring…" grim tone…

"Now, now…It's only natural when two such virile types are on display…Don't be a prude, super-bestie…" Amy shrugged, patting her…

"I can't believe it…" Raj sighed from the back of Leonard's car... "They actually took a cab…Sheldon Cooper took a cab…And in order to do the nasty faster with his lady love…"

"Must you put it that way?..." Howard sighed…Staring…

"I did offer to drive them…" Leonard noted…

"Yeah…Like they'd want us hanging around…" Penny, next to him, a bit grim… "Sometimes, Leonard…You can be so…"

"So they're not going to check the rats again?..." Bernadette stared… "Oh, gosh…I think I just got it…" Gulp…

"Well, to be fair…The TFF is a great place to make out…" Howard noted…

Uh…So the degenerates say… He tried…Bernadette giving narrow stare…

"I think it's romantic…" Penny, firmly… "At least one man in our group understands the meaning of Romance…No offense, Howard, Raj…"

"Some taken…" Bernadette, slight glare… "I'll have you know Howie is very romantic…"

"Sorry…" Penny sighed… "Only meant to hit Hofstadter with that one…"

"Thanks…Look…If you really want to, I'll ask right now…" Leonard sighed, eyeing the rear view mirror…

"Wow…Gee…Now that's romantic…Don't do me any favors, Hofstadter…" Penny next to him frowned…

"I thought you were the one who wanted to wait a bit and see how things came along…"

I also thought you having Sheldon's brain in there might get me out of conversations like this occasionally…he thought…

"Guys…" Howard, beaming… "Entertaining as this little dance of yours is…Since you wouldn't let us take a cab home, it really becomes you to save this for after you get us all home…"

"He's right…We'll talk later…" Penny, staring straight…

"Yeah, but about what?...I still don't know what I did wrong..." Leonard sighed…

"You got totally whipped in the romantic department by Sheldon Cooper, dude…" Raj from the back cheerily observed… "Not to mention you were staring so hard at Amy during that kiss I was getting hot just watching you…"

"I was just stunned…" Leonard insisted… "Like all of us…And I was staring at both of them, not just Amy…"

"Leonard, I was there…I noted the angle of vision…" Penny frowned, not looking at him… "Sheldon was not in that angle of vision…And I gave you a lot of leeway in the estimate, believe me…"

"You're jealous of Amy Farrah Fowler?..." he sighed…

"Of course not…Don't be ridiculous…"

"Good…"

"Of you and your fantasies about Amy Farrah Fowler, sure…"

"Penny…"

"Oh, God…Penny…Why did you have to put it that way?..." Raj sighed… "Now I'll be having Amy visions jumping all over my skull tonight…"

Come now…Admit it…Howard hissed to Bernadette…Who sighed…

"Fine…" she whispered… "You're the least creepy male in this car tonight…"

"Kinda makes ya proud, no?..." grin…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXII…

"Howard…Hold up a minute…?" Leonard, standing at the door of the Wolowitz home, Howard pausing, shutting door…Bernadette and Mrs. W contentedly shrieking at each other within…

"Yeah, buddy…Listen to that…Isn't it nice to hear my girls clucking together like two happy hens?..."

Uh…If one doesn't mind the whole neighborhood hearing them discuss your latest nearbreak-up in extended detail at terrifying volume…

"Yeah, sure…Very nice…"

"I just love the way they've bonded…Of course Mom won't be living with us all the time…But it's nice to know she'll be a frequent presence in our home…"

Hmmn…They do say prisoners under constant harsh conditions and torture can learn to love it over time…Leonard stared…

On the other hand…Two women whose lives revolve about one Wolowitz…I could see the appeal…Having never had even remotely…

God damn…What is wrong with Fate, anyway?...

Still, I've no reason to complain this week…Except…

"So…?" Howard eyed him… "I think I know what this is about…Bro, you've seen two of the best at first hand…I don't know if I can offer more…"

"What?..."

"Proposals, bro…Isn't that what you wanted advice on?...And though I hate to have to admit it Sheldon's was nearly as good as my own…I'd say either way you'd be golden…Just learn from the masters and keep it sincere…"

"Yeah…Thanks…But that's not what I wanted to discuss…Did you notice Penny acting just bit…I don't know…" careful look…Shrug…

"Annoyed that Sheldon and I of all people have made you look like an insensitive boor in the romance department?...I did…We all did…I thought Raj made that pretty clear…"

"Yeah…Thanks again…No, I mean…Well, yeah…But didn't she seem a bit…Well…"

"She was supportive to young Juliet, forgiving to her own Dr. Mengele and his…"(gasp, grimace) "…Sexual companion/fiancee…What?..."

"I got the impression tonight…Just a bit…"

"Leonard?...Are you going to be all night?..." Penny had come over from the parked car… "I'm kinda tired and more importantly I'm reaching a peak in my sexual cycle in about one hour…" frown, backed by all the authority of the Nurse's understudy's costume…To be cleaned at home, it being after all, community theater…

"I'll be right along…"

"Does that mean…Now…Or several hours of video gaming and pointless chit-chat later?..." she eyed him… "No offense, Howard…My best to Bernie and your Mom…"

"None taken…I'll send him right along…" smile…

Nodding, she turned back…Howard eyeing her as she moved out of sight behind some bushes, headed carward…Leonard watching him, a bit puzzled…

"Ok, this is a crisis…"Howard shook his head…

"What?..." Leonard stared… "No, I just…"

"Sheldon is taking over…I get it, Leonard…" Howard, staring toward the car lot…

"No…Really?...You see that?…Cause I wasn't quite…?"

"Leonard…I've suffered with Sheldon for many years and while I deeply admire your easy-going ability to tolerate him for the sake of friendship and his supposed 'better qualities' depressingly few of which I have ever seen until Amy showed…Believe me, I can spot developing Sheldon tendencies…I've noted and fought them in you and Raj for years…"

"Wow…Wait?...In us…Me and Raj?..."

"I'm afraid proximity to Sheldon can indeed be mildly infectious, bro…Yeah…You and the Koop man can thank your lucky stars one Wolowitz was around all these years to help you avoid transforming into anal geeks from down East Texas way…A little shot of the Wolo vaccine to counter the Coop…Very effective…"

Eye roll, sigh… "Well, anyway…I don't think it's a 'crisis' Howard…Just I did notice a little of Sheldon's behaviors cropping up…You really see it?..."

"I did just now, yeah…Earlier, a little but her Penny was still winning and we were focused on the physical…Leonard, this is a crisis…We can't let Penny be crowded out by Sheldon's obsessive neuroses…The world can't bear another Sheldon Cooper…Especially in such a hot form…She'll reproduce, no question, and then we're doomed…"

"You were saying that all week about Amy and Sheldon…" frown…

"I was mistaken, I concede…Amy actually seems able to handle him and even mitigate his worst tendencies…An amazing woman, I grant you…But Penny is fighting the Sheldon worm internally…"

"Howard, I don't wanna push the panic button on this again…Unless…"

"Have you secretly longed to sleep with your roommate all these years?..." Howard eyed him…

Stare…"Nooo…Of course not…But…"

"Two of us have seen it…You want more observational evidence…Fine…We'll have Raj and Bernie observe her tomorrow…But in the meantime…We need a course of action…"

"I thought superPenny was your new Queen…Now you want to…What do you want to do?..."

"Enhanced Penny was my new Queen…Shelny, no, thank you…Leonard, do you want to sit by and let Sheldon take over your beloved?...Assuming she is your…"

"Well…Yeah…Sort of…Wait…Howard, I'm not ready to accept this…"

"The beloved or…?"

"Uh…Well…Beloved?...That's moving a little…I mean…Sure, I love her…And soon as she gives the signal I'll pop the…"

"That's great Mickey…Then you and Judy can put on the big show in your uncle's barn to celebrate…"

"Howard…"

"Well, win two for Sheldon Cooper then…"

"What?..."

"He wins on the love front and in colonizing your girlfriend's psyche…Hmmn…Say, he wasn't hooked up to Penny during the neural feeds by any chance?..."

"No…He and Amy said the recordings were done separately…What, you're saying he's showing Penny traits?..."

"You gotta admit he's not been the self-centered control freakin' nutcase we knew and barely tolerated…The man who just made a lame excuse in order to whisk Amy Fowler off to the TFF lab for a wild sexual encounter…"

They eyed each other…

"Yeah…" sigh… Howard nodding… "Why did I have to say that?..."

'But regardless…That is not the Sheldon we knew…"

"Maybe love really does transform…Hey, it's had a positive effect on you…"

"You do have a point…" Howard agreed… "I am new and improved since Bernie…But…"

"Well, then…All the more reason to doubt this stuff with Penny becoming Sheeny…"

"Shelny…60% Sheldon at least…Now…And maybe he'll take over completely in time…Look, it's not the same as a little reformation due to love…Penny's personality is changing…And not for the better…" Howard eyed Leonard's frown… "Hey, you came to me because you sensed the danger…"

"I just wondered if you'd noticed anything different about her…Besides the Einsteinian intellect…Now you're blowing it all out of proportion from just a couple of little…"

"I did notice something…And you won't think so when Penny's knocking on the bathroom door every morning…'Leonard…Leonard…Leonard…' He mimicked knocking on door… "And demanding you complete your bm according to the schedule laid down in her nuptial agreement…So now what?..."

"Howard, a little peevishness on a big night for her isn't proof she's Sheldon-possessed…"

"Right…Lets sit by until she starts lecturing us on every arcane subject under the sun, insists on her spot eternally, and drives us all to wanting to leave her locked outside should we ever do an NSF expedition to the North Pole with her…"

Hmmn…Leonard pondering…Howard pondering…

Leonard narrowly eyeing Howard…

"Right, fine, bad image choice…I'm reformed, not gay…" shrug…

"Of course she does seem rather partial to the spot since she won it from Sheldon…" Leonard, cautiously…

Car horn blare…

"Penny would do that, you know…" Leonard eyeing Howard's arch look… "She gets impatient when she's tired…"

"'Leonard, do you know the root meaning of the word, lactose?' Fill-in endless and pointless explanation…" Howard, mimicking… "Just wait till she starts getting obsessed with the Flash…While you're having sex…"

"HOWARD!...Are you and Leonard coming in or no?..." shriek…

"You know it's getting scary how hard it is to tell whether it's Bernadette or your mom…" Leonard noted… "Maybe you should consider whether you're the one with possession problems…"

"Eh, with me it's a natural cycle…Jewish moms have been possessing their daughters-in-law for the last 6000 years…" Howard shrugged…

"I'll be right there, just let me say goodnight!..." he hollered back…

"Everything hunky-dory with the Wolowitzes?..." Penny asked as Leonard buckled in and started the car…

"As dory and hunky as could be, given Howard hardly fits the hunky bill…I think they're ok…" Leonard nodded, quick smile…

"Eyes, Leonard…" she frowned… "You know many accidents occur when backing up while talking…"

"Really…?"

"I could quote you the statistics…"

"Nah, thanks…I'll be more careful…"

"Thank you…So…" she eyed him sidelong… "You and Howard comparing notes about me?...Any new symptoms?..."

"No…You know we just worry…"

"I'll keep a close eye on prion and Alzheimer's research and I've promised to let you know if I ever experience any memory problems…It won't start for years anyway, even if it ever happens…I'll be fine…"

"Yeah…"

"Thanks though…And thanks for bearing up with my being a little impatient…I'm tired…"

"I know…"

"Not ill, tired…Just tired…Don't worry…" smile…

"Can't help worrying a little, Penny…And I want to be alert to any changes we see…Ummn…"

"I love you so much…" Penny noted, slight sigh…

Leonard, staring…

"Road!..."

"Sorry, I just…" My God…Exactly the way Sheldon said it…That time he was drunk…

"What?..."

"It caught me by surprise, that's all…Not that I didn't think…"

"What caught you by surprise, honey?..." she stared…

"You know… 'love you so much'?...I like it, believe me…"

"Aw…I love you too, sweetie…" she took his free hand…Squeezing…

"Yeah, but…"

"Though I hope it wasn't a surprise to find you love me…"

Ummn… "No, but didn't you…?"

"Leonard, I think you're a bit pooped too…You want me to drive…?"

It's fine…This is all just coincidence…I'm reading stuff into everything she says…Ridiculous…

"Well…If you'd like…"

"Ummn…" Penny stared at the road… "Of course, really it's your car…I wouldn't want to damage it…Being tired and all…"

"Sure…I'm fine…"

Penny who grabs the wheel from me at the slightest opportunity…?

But she's just tired…Not afraid to drive…

"Did you like the play?...Wasn't Juliet superb?..."

"She was terrific…It was a great version…"

"Of course, Ms. Scranton needs coaching…She came in too soon and didn't catch the cue to leave later…And she still can't get the flow of the lines right…Do you know that there are 2111 lines of blank verse in 'Romeo and Juliet"?... And 118 feminine (or double, redundant, hypermetrical) endings, 6 light endings, 1 weak ending, and many short lines. These variations give to the verse flexibility and power, in addition to music and harmony. It's significant that in 'Romeo and Juliet' is only one weak ending. Light endings and weak endings are found most abundantly in Shakespeare's very latest plays. For example, in 'The Tempest' are 42 light endings and 25 weak endings…"

"Ummn…Really?..."

"Absolbloomingtootly…You can check me…" she nodded, contentedly… "And you know that blank verse…The unrhymed, iambic five-stress (decasyllabic) verse, or iambic pentameter, was introduced into England from Italy by Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, about 1540, and used by him in a translation of the second and fourth books of Vergil's Aeneid. Nicholas Grimald in 1557 employed the measure for the first time in English original poetry…"


	13. Chapter 13

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXIII…

"Who…Who…Who….Who…Ka…Ka…Ka…Grrr….Grrrnn…"

"What?..." Amy eyed the staring Sheldon, pausing in taking knapsack from his shoulder…

"Amy?...Am I right and are you attempting animal calls?..."

"Sorry…Just trying to add a little tropical atmosphere to the Tropical Flora and Fauna Lab…"

"Hmmn…Not bad, really…"

"Is anything wrong, sweetie?...I take full responsibility with your Meemaw if you feel badly about using the rat autopsy story to get us out here…"

"Thank you…But that's not the whole of what's troubling me…I'm still concerned about Penny…"

"Then…" Downcast look, sigh… "Are we really here to…?"

"Oh, no…We've got all we could out of the wee deceased test subjects…I'm just saying I'm still worried…We're here to fornicate …As you wanted…"

"Oh…Good…" sigh…

Stare…"Now what?…Amy?..."

"Sheldon….Much as I appreciate and am touched by your newfound desire to please me with sexual gratification…"

"Ah, so you do get my meaning…"

"….A girl likes to know her partner's heart is in it…"

"But…I thought I'd amply demonstrated that I've found our sexual coupling a surprisingly blissful romp through Cupid's grove…Guaranteed to lift my spirits considerably as well…"

"Lift, eh?..."

"Considerably…"

"Though Penny still occupies your thoughts…"

Puzzled look… "Amy?...Am I correct in assuming you're expressing some degree of jealousy?..."

"Towards my bestie Penny?...Certainly…" calm nod… "She's hot assed gorgeous and you've had a long-term relationship of incredible emotional closeness by the accounts of all our friends and my own observations…And now…You've given her your brain…Be reasonable, Sheldon…" nervous twist of hands… "While recent orgasmic events with us have eased my concerns…By any measure of emotional effect all this should have me freakin' crazed…Given my love for you…"

"So I've hurt you as well as Penny…?" downcast stare…

"No…Moonpie…" sigh… "It's just…I need to know you really share my feelings…And aren't just trying to please me…Sheldon, are you sure you love me?...And please don't say it goes without saying under the Engagement/Marital Agreement or I will be freakin' crazed…"

"Amy…I would never ask you to marry me as a precondition for coitus unless I loved you…Like Reverend Abner Hale in the film based on the James Mitchner novel, 'Hawaii', I love you more than I could ever explain…" he replied, simply…Calm stare… "I care about Penny and I'm concerned that I've hurt my friendship with Leonard by possibly hurting her…But I love you…I brought you here because I love you…Amy, I love you…"

"…More…And I want you more…Than I want a Nobel…You, Amy Farrah Fowler are the conductor of my choo-choo train of happiness…"

"Oh…Dear God…Oh…Thank you…My sweet, sweet darling…" sobbing beam …Hasty tear wipe… "No…" she waved at his distressed look… "It's so much more than fine…Oh, Sheldon, you can't know…Fully…How happy you've made me and are making me, doing…Us…" grin… "In the place of my dreams…Plus if you're Max von Sydow's Abner…Then I'm Julie Andrews' Jerusha…Who-hoo…" grinning jig, fist shake…

"Well, you've certainly made it clear this week that this is your favored place for fornication…And Julie Andrews has nothing on you…"

"Indeed, it is…" sigh… "But I don't want to push you into doing things you don't really want to do…Or risk serious and potentially terminal infection…" attempt at nonchalant look to ceiling… "Merely for love…Of…" gasp… "God, oh my God, who am I kidding?…Oh, Sheldon, take me now!…If it wouldn't freak you out too much?…"

"Not at all…For I…" arch smile…"Came prepared…Voila, my love…" he pulled a cylindrical carton from the knapsack he'd been carrying…

"A tarpaulin?….What a fine, sexually stimulating idea…Though the 'my love' is kinda making everything you say sexually stimulating right now, Moonpie…"

"Not just any tarpaulin…This one has been UV treated and has a thin layer of antimicrobials…" he noted, proudly… "Ergo…Let the orgies recommense…Within reason and not beyond the bounds of what Meemaw would do with Grandpa…" solemn look… "Though come to think of it, they must have done a fair amount of something given how sad Meemaw would get at bedtime after he passed away…"

"Oh…Sheldon….Keep giving me reason to be sad at bedtime alone!…"

"I prefer to give you reason to be glad at bedtime…Amy!..." he gasped at her violent yank…

"Oh…I'm…So…Freakin'…Glad!..."

"Fraulein Commandant!...All present and cleanliness accounted for!..." v-Penny's floating hologram just above her Roomba base saluted a frowning Penny, Leonard beside her, just outside Penny's apartment door…

"Very funny…Don't ever do that in front of Howard…He might take it as an hateful insult…" Penny noted, annoyed tone…

"Hey, blame the programmer don't blame the mindless output…" v-Penny, grin…

"Just remember what I said…That's an order…"

"Fine…Sorry…Leonard, you know I don't mean to offend Howard…?"

"Don't bring my boyfriend into this…" Penny glared… "I've told you what to do and if you need me to make a permanent change…"

"No, ma'am…" whimper… "I cleaned the place and Sheldon's and Amy's place up nice…Where my Roomba could reach, that is…"

"Ok…Now shut down…"

"Can't I talk to Leonard for a while?...Leonard, you wanna hang out for a few, don't you?..."

"I really think you should mind Penny, Penny…" Leonard, carefully… "She just wants you to be a little more sensitive toward people…"

"Who's not sensitive?…I've always been the most sensitive one in our whole family here… You know that…Leonard!..." she caught sight of a frowning Penny holding the extension cord to her unit… "Don't let her un…" the image reset to the low power size…

"Good night…" Penny, sharply…Tapping the off-switch on the Roomba's side…

"Well?..." she eyed Leonard who looked at her sheepishly…

"Do you have to be so hard on her?..."

"She's not a her…It's an it…Leonard, she's a computer program and playing you like an online game of chess…"

"She doesn't like being turned off like that…I can get that…It must be scary…"

"Sweetie…You are losing perspective…Or are we back to the, 'is she more like the old me?' argument?...Are you sayin' you like her better than new me?..."

"No…" he said…Cautiously…Eyeing her glare… "No, certainly not…Of course not…"

"Cause if you two wanna do a 'Diabolique'-style murder on me and run off to wherever a hologram and an experimental physicist can find true love…?"

"Penny…?...Need I remind you I'm the guy who's been a nutcase over this since you first unveiled Penndon the wunderkind to us…?"

"Meaning?..." she frowned… "You do like her better?...She's not the real me, Leonard…I'm the real me, just enhanced a little…I'm the real me…" tearing…

"Penny…?...God, Penny…" he put a hand on her shoulder as she turned from him, sobbing…

"I know you're the real deal…It's just…She's so much like you…Now as well as a few days ago…" he sighed… "I just feel bad seeing even a copy of you looking hurt…"

"Nice recovery…" she smiled wanly… "Leonard, really…It's still me in here…I just don't like seeing the worst of me in her…That manipulative streak…I know I have it..." she put up a hand… "Don't be nice and tell me I don't…But I never liked it when it slipped out…Just something to fall back on when the world was too complicated and a nice sweetly naïve guy was at an hand…But I don't think I ever tried to use it to get more a ride or some free food…Or a minor favor…Or a little cash loan…" sigh…

"I am bad, aren't I?...But honestly…" she eyed him… "I never tried to turn you against someone…Like she's doing with you…Even when Priya had me terrified I was really gonna lose you…"

"Well…Maybe she's frightened too…You did a remarkable job, Penny, and you should be proud…But you did…Kinda…Do what Sheldon did…"

Stare…

"You created…Sort of…Another you…Without pausing to think of the consequences…"

Whoa…

"I guess I did move a little fast…" she noted, hesitantly…

"But brilliantly so…" he smiled… "But it's just…Now…You can't abandon her, Dr. Frankenstein…Or you're the real monster…And even Sheldon got that…To some extent…"

"I guess…But we can't have her obsessing over you…And fuming at me…"

"Well, we'll 'adjust' things a little…But we'll explain what we're doing and why…So she understands and isn't afraid of what's being done to her…"

Hmmn…

"You know, Frodo…For one not artificially enhanced by neural upload…You are one wise Hobbit…" grin…

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXIV…

CalTech…Tropical Flora and Fauna Lab…

"Sheldon?..." Amy, pulling herself over and just above him…Staring down… "Are you all right?..."

"Hmmn…?" he blinked up at her…

"You haven't said anything for ten minutes…"

"Oh?..."

Amy looked down, a bit downcast…Hmmn…She eyed the floor…The bare floor…Ooops…

"Sheldon?...I think in the heat of the moment we…Ummn… Rolled off…"

"Oh?..."

"Sheldon?...We're on the floor, off your tarpaulin…I think we should move back…"

"Uh-huh…"Sudden tears…

"Sheldon?..." Amy gasped…Embracing from above, laying head on chest… "I'm so sorry, I was trying to keep track of our position…But on the last orgasm…"

'Amy…Amy…" he hugged her…She lifting head… Hmmn?...

"Promise me nothing will ever happen to you…Nothing can ever happen to you…" he looked at her… "Oh, I…I'm so afraid, Amy…"

"Just roll left, it'll be fine…Our contact with the floor was minimal…I can wipe you down once we're back on…"

Oh, yeah…Thank you, somewhat well-grounded neuroses…Beam…

"...with the extra antibiotic cream you had left from coating the tarpaulin…"

"No…Well, yes…Lets get back…" he moved himself, she moving with him back on to the tarpaulin… "But I mean…I can't ever lose you…Not ever…Please…"

"Sheldon…" she stared at him…

"Lets go…" he sat up… "I want you to have a full medical exam…And I'm adding an addendum to the Marital Agreement that you have one every month…Weekly if possible…"

"Sheldon…"

"No…I will not leave any stone unturned in keeping you safe until we reach singularity and you have an indestructible android housing…" he insisted… "I can't let anything happen to you, Amy…"

"Even if so, moonpie…" she smiled at him…On tarpaulin beside his seated form, her head pillowed on hand… "It would never be utterly indestructible…An asteroid impact, a nuclear attack…Passing too close to a star on our way to Proxima Centauri…Not even an android body can handle those…"

"Amy, don't say that…I couldn't bear to be alone again…Now that you've shown me…This…" he sighed, tears running yet…

"Me too, my sweet pie…" she eyed him, reaching for, taking hand… "But, we'll be together as long as we can…And if something happens…One day…"

He was silent…

"Are you sorry we...'Moved along' in our relationship…?" she sighed…

"No,…No…But it's terrifying…I always knew it would be…Loving someone…I didn't want to…I didn't want to be like poor Meemaw…If it worked out…Or Mom if it didn't…" he stared over at the wall… "I don't like being so afraid…It's bad enough with Meemaw and Mom…But now…" Hmmn…Still a bit close to the edge…Best we inch a bit more over…He positioned himself more centrally on the sheet…

"Oh…" Amy, crestfallen… "Sorry…"

"No…I'm sorry…" he sighed… Wiping eyes a bit… "It wouldn't have been living, not really, if I'd never found you…It's just very difficult for me…Amy, I'm ashamed to puncture your image of me as a stoic macho hero…But it's so frightening…I keep thinking… 'Anything could happen to her'…And now, that thought…"

Hmmn…

"Well, I'm afraid too, Sheldon…" smile… "But I love you more than I'm afraid…And I can bear the puncturing…"

"Yes…Me too…Definitely..But you're still getting that medical exam…"

"So long as you do too, my darling…" smile…

"OF course…Have I ever passed one up?..." he eyed her…Groaning a bit as he got up, offering her a hand up…

"Alright?..." Amy, worried…

"Oh, fine…I've just never used some of those muscles before…In that particular way…Did you really learn all that in Neurobiology class…?" admiring tone…

"Mostly…But partly in Gross Vertebrate Anatomy…" she noted…Sly grin… "I was beginning to despair of ever using such knowledge…Though I have to admit, I asked Leonard for the Google entry he used for what Penny described once as a rather remarkable effect…That last bit, I mean…"

"Oh, yes…My lord…Well, God bless Google, as my Mom would say…You know, I never realized before what a useful thing a friend with the sex drive of a Shaw's jird could be…"

"I'm certainly grateful for him…" Amy noted happily, rising with his assist… "If he hadn't got you jealous that time we might never have moved into boy/girl friend status, let alone betrothaldom…Plus his romantic persistence has clearly come to have an effect on you…Topped off by the emotional turmoil generated by your concern over Penny, and enter Shenny…"

"What?..." he stared…

"Sheldon…" warm beam… "While everyone's been noting Penny's intellectual advancement and fretting over the possible physical side effects…One Fowler has been charting the epic emotional journey of the century…If not the millennia…You've found and unblocked the source of your emotional Nile, Dr. Cooper…And this lucky sex kitten has been along for the joyride…" grin…

"But…I never let any Penny into me…Unless her slipping into my bedroom to install that surveillance system involved a fiendish plot of revenge by contaminating me with her…Like Dracula making his victims drink his blood…" he shuddered…

"No, it didn't work that way, moonpie…But you've changed…Just enough…And I think it's due to the recent Penny events…" she eyed him…

Ummn?... "Amy, I told you…I never…"

"I refer to the effect of your concern for her, Sheldon…" slight frown… "Though your nervous protestation is starting to worry me a bit…"

"Oh….You really think so?...That I've absorbed a bit of Penny by some sort of osmotic sympathy?..."

"I think, my beloved studly boy…" arch smile… "That the emotions were of course always there, visible only to your Meemaw, your mother, a soulmate like me, and perhaps dimly to an appreciative, sympathetic, and sensitive, if inferior, soul like Leonard…But that this crisis brought them out…Largely due to your fear you might have damaged Penny's …"

Hmmn… "So my concern and guilt over Penny…"

"Has made me the happiest female on the planet…" Amy nodded…

"But…No…Amy…" he took her hand…She staring at it… "My feelings for you are genuine…Not some backwash from guilt over Penny…"

"Of course…" she patted his hand… "But it took your fear that Penny's warm presence in our lives would vanish to make you bring yours out…She's been intellectually boosted and you…Emotionally, Shenny…." Grin…

"Don't ever call me that back home with our friends…" he gave a narrow look to her smile…

Still…

Hmmn…

"Perhaps…Though if all this is a cleverly minxy way to hint at a question about Penny again?..." he paused by the lab door, frowning…

"There has never been anything but friendly affection between the lady and myself, future Ms. Dr. Fowler-Cooper….Though as long as we're on the subject of Penny and attraction…" he eyed her…

Smile… "I take it you mean my occasional lesbian themed passes at Penny?...I'd've thought ten orgasms in three days would have quelled any concerns that way…Boobela…" arm round waist…

"Well…" he paused… "Not that having a little bisexuality in the family is anything to be ashamed of…Though we probably ought to keep it under our hats when visiting Momma in East Texas…Should we ever be so foolish as to visit Momma in East Texas…"

"I was bad…" Amy grinned, hugging…Upturn to his puzzled face… "But apart from the slight deceit, it was a logical strategy…And people were always hinting since seventh grade that I might be more inclined to the distaff side…"

"What?..."

"Sheldon, it's very simple…If I hit a bit on the ravenously beautiful girl living across from the man of my dreams and she doesn't respond, I lose nothing but at worst the long-accustomed sting of a few nasty jokes at my expense…And perhaps the benefit that your male competitive drive would kick in and you'd try to 'compete'…" smile… "But, if the lady did respond…" wider smile… "So much for my competition…And you'd have had a front row seat at my edging away in your direction…"

"Amy Farrah Fowler?...Another display of Neurobiologic Machiavellianism?..." he blinked, shocked…

"All's fair, beloved one…" another sly grin…

"You're gonna cut out part of my brain?…" v-Penny gasped, having had her eagerly offered inspection tour of Leonard's and Sheldon's and provisionally Amy's place interrupted by Leonard's "Yeah, very nice…Ummn…Sweetheart…We have to talk…" …Terrified look… "Leonard…?" whimper…

"Oh, come on…" Penny frowned…

"No, we're not gonna do that…That's not what we said…" Leonard put up a hand… "We're just gonna make it a little clearer to you that you're not the real Penny…"

"You're gonna kill me…" v-Penny shuddered…Her Roomba platform backing into a corner… "Please…Leonard, I love you…Don't let her kill me…She's evil…It's the Sheldon taking over…"

"Penny…" Leonard sighed… "This isn't killing you…We're just modifying your program a little…"

"And that's what you are…A program…Well, a series of programs in a neural net construct…" Penny noted… "Now, lets get this straight…I'm the real Penny and you're a toy I whipped together…"

"And you're a remarkable job…" Leonard, encouragingly… "Which is why we don't wanna have to shut you down, completely…But you're starting to get a little too obsessed with me and we think you're having a little personality crisis as well…"

He eyed Penny who glared at the holograph, now dressed in sackcloth, chain about neck, tears streaking, in kneeing posture… "May I have but time to say one prayer…?"

"Oh, knock it off…" Penny shook her head…

"Father, forgive them …For they know not what they do…" v-Penny, solemnly…

"That does it…" Penny tapped off switch…The image winked out…

"Tomorrow, I'm purging the system and startin' from the basic initial program…Don't argue with me, Leonard…I let you talk to her and explain like you wanted…" she frowned at his sigh…

"I guess you're right…" he shrugged…

"She's gone completely off the deep end…You're right, I'm responsible…And I'm dealin'…I clearly did rush things too fast supplementing her data files with the neural downloader…"

"What?..." Leonard stared… "You mean you downloaded a copy of your neural files into the computer with Amy's system?..."

"I thought it would be a faster way to enhance the AI capability…Clearly Sheldon's 'intellectual motor' is not only a little hyper but not infallible…Sorry, I guess I did make like Dr. Frankenstein a bit…Henry from the old movies, not Victor from the Shelley book…" sigh…

"But how did you manage?…Penny, to get a computer to run files of that kind of complexity in an AL construct…"

"Well, most of it's on the ITunes cloud, actually…" she noted, calmly… "I can go over the basic theory if you like…I think I've pulled together most of the parameters…But it's kinda late…And it'll take hours…"

"No…It can wait…" he sighed… "Penny, you understand this is incredible…We thought v-Penny was just a remarkable collection of AI programs with your biographical data…But, what you're saying is you've basically created an artificial human brain…"

"Well, yeah…I thought that was obvious…" she eyed him…Shrugging… "Can we discuss it tomorrow, though…Or at least after sex?...I've reached my sexual peak for the 24 hour period and I got just enough pep left for one pop…" she put out a hand which he took, uncertain…

"I promise I'll be gentle…And I won't touch the base program…She'll just be a little less utterly freaked out me…And a bit more aware that she's a computer program running a vacuum cleaner…And if you give me that hang-dog 'oh, the poor little crazy kid' look one more time…" glare…

"Sorry…You're right…" he nodded… "Lets discuss it in the morning…"

"Good…" she kissed him… "Now let me show you something Sheldon's mom called an East Texas bronco-ball buster…"

Blink…Slight backing away…

"I'm kidding…" grin… "See, I've still got it…"

"Right…" he nodded…

God, if only she hadn't yelled "Yeaha!..." the last couple of nights on every orgasm…

"It'll be strictly Kama Sutra all the way…And you know Sheldon has never Kama Sutra'd…" smile… "Till this week, anyway… Come on, baby…" wicked grin… "And, you can call me…Anything but 'Priya'…" hard stare…

"Fair enough…" he nodded, following her back to the bedroom…

The Roomba winked on…Hologram in low power mode appeared in mid-air above…

Hah…I knew there was a reason I'd kept a weird kind of consciousness when off… v-Penny eyed the hall way to Leonard's bedroom… So I been living in the clouds, eh?...

Well, not wantin' to dispel my lovin' Lenny's notions about his Penny but that doesn't make me an angel…Dark look…


	14. Chapter 14

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXV…

"So let me understand this…" Raj hesitated, sitting in Howard's mom's living room, eyeing Howard carefully… "You called me over here first thing this morning because you think Sheldon's neural upload is now 'taking over' Penny's personality, superimposing Sheldonian traits on her?…Am I getting this right?...Or failing to capture the full essence of the paranoia…?"

"Leonard thinks so too…" Howard frowned… "He was the one who came to me with concerns…Though he's backing away now…"

"He does tend to be fairly sane most of the time…" Raj nodded carefully…

"Raj?...You can't say you haven't noticed…"

"Howard…Penny is thinking faster and her bon mots are a bit more sophisticated, true…But becoming Sheldon2.0, the female version ala Jeff Goldblum becoming BrundleFly in "The Fly" ?...Come on, dude…Even if I believed it was possible via the neural upload…Which only exchanges information…"

"…And therefore, potentially, memories…" Howard noted…

"Fine…Howard…Even if I believed it could happen, Penny's personality is far too strong…Sheldon's, for all his arrogance, would run and cringe in some corner of her mind like a whipped poodle if it ever came to a confrontation…"

"But…"

Raj put up a hand…"I haven't seen Sheldon in Penny, Howard…Yes, I see her rattling off answers in high-level quantum physics and neurobiology that I can barely follow…Mastering the complete text of Shakespeare…And coming up with revolutionary advances in AI, off the cuff…But I still see a sweet lady who cares enough to help a younger actress, who's kind to an old lady actress, protected Sheldon from Leonard's understandable wrath, delighting that her best friend is finally getting some from her robotically repressed lover, and is no different from the girl we knew, except perhaps in being a little more tolerant and kind toward you, sir…" hard stare… "And you might remember that…"

"I do…" Howard, earnestly… "And that's why I don't want to lose her…Raj, you haven't seen the latest changes…I wouldn't be concerned if I didn't honestly believe there was something going on…"

"Well…But you said Leonard…"

"He doesn't want to believe he's sleeping with his roommate…Natch…"

"Gee…Thanks for that image, dude…" Raj blanched…

"He's in denial…" Howard shrugged… "But he did see the Sheldon virus manifesting…"

"What does Bernadette say?..."

"She thinks I'm a little crazy too…" Howard sighed… "But she admits she hasn't seen Penny since the play and that she does remember Penny seeming a little…Compulsive…"

"Even if so, a common trait among geniuses…We all share it to some extent…" Raj noted… "Her mind works fast, she moves from point to point quickly and focuses more intently for briefer periods…It's not something to exaggerate…"

"At least, for her sake, give me the benefit of the doubt and observe her today…Bernie's promised to, too…"

"I don't want to freak her out, spying on her…She's had enough of that to put up with recently…And if she catches on, which she will, it will make her a bit paranoid…"

"She knows we're watching for physical symptoms…If she finds you observing just tell her that…And we did agree to monitor her…"

"All right…" Raj sighed… "For her sake, and since we did want to watch for physical symptoms…But look, Howard…I don't want you making her feel like a freak…We also agreed to that…I know it's a bit unnerving to have Penny outpacing us intellectually but I've come to terms with it…Though actually, if you really want my opinion…The one showing radical changes isn't Penny…It's our roboman, Sheldon…Now if he'd been hooked up to her, I'd believe in this personality transfer…"

"I guess hee has been showing some care and concern these last few…For both his lady friends…Despite my worries I hafta admit Amy's done wonders…" Howard nodded…

"Dude, that doesn't begin to cover it…Our Tin Man has found his heart at last…" Raj smiled… "I don't know if it was the thought he'd actually hurt Penny or mainly due to Amy but there's the transformation I'd like to study…"

"Well…Love does have that effect…I'm a changed man since Bernadette…"

"True enough…" Raj nodded… "And therein may lie most of what you're seeing in Penny…I mean she's trying to impress Leonard, dude…She's got him back and now she's anxious to show him she's on his level now…It's always been the thing she fears, not measuring up to his intellect…But…" he paused at Howard's shaking of head… "I said I'll observe her and I will…Ok?..."

"All I ask…" nod…

"HOWARD?...Is that Raj with you?...Are you still going on about Shelny?..." harsh yell from Howard's bedroom…

"YES!...And YES!...Dumpling!..." he hollered back…

"I see you and Bernadette are all patched up…" Raj noted… "Speaking of scary personality transformations…At least, please let that be Bernadette…" he winced…

"Leonard was going about Bernie and my mom too…" Howard frowned…

"Are you sure we should be doing this?..." eyeing of screen on which Leonard and Penny could be seen, in bed, asleep…

"They were watching me on the system the other day…Turnabout, fair play…" Sheldon noted… "Besides we're supposed to monitor Penny for any new physical symptoms…"

"I suppose…" Amy nodded…Lifting head from Sheldon's bed to gaze… "Still, it does seem an invasion of privacy…And makes me wonder if they were watching us these last few nights…"

"If they were…They had a front row seat to some rather spectacular pyrotechnics...Besides…Why do you think I preferred the TFF lab for our Cupidian romp last night…?" arch look…

"You mean we were 'practicing'?..." Amy frowned…

"No…Amy…Lord, given our constant coupling this last week, I think it's fair to say we're out of the training gym and last night was our own…Olympics…And far too much for the likes of those two…" he indicated the screen… "To bear…"

"Twas rather Mt. Olympian…" she grinned… "But I don't think we need intrude on their sleeping hours…"

"Mmmn…She mumbles in her sleep…We should log that…It may be she'll mention something useful…"

"Fine but lets not get too…"

"Magnify left quadrant, please…" he spoke to the screen…The image zooming in on the open-mouthed Penny… "I think I spy a developing cavity…" he noted… "I really have to complement Penny on this system…I couldn't have designed it better myself…And since it was done via my intellectual gift, I did…If I'd had Wolowitz to fiddle with the doodads…Though the girl must really learn to let her inferiors do the little tech bits…Terrible waste of her valuable thinking time to be screwing the parts together…"

"Sheldon…This is crossing a line, despite your commendable concerns…Plus it's making me a little jealous…"Amy eyed him…Frowning at the close-up of the sleeping Penny…

"Fine…Resume normal view, please…" he called to the screen…

"Hello, pervs…" Penny's face close-up on screen…Frowning…

"Hello, v-P…" Sheldon replied calmly…Amy, crimsoning…

"What, did you think I wouldn't catch you two voyeurs peeking at my lovely bod and my boyfriend…" glare…

"Strictly speaking, v-Penny…It's Penny lovely body and her boyfriend…" Sheldon noted…

"Getting' an eyeful, sweetie?..." v-Penny to Amy, ignoring him… "I know how much you lust after me…"

"V-Penny, you are being rude…" Sheldon frowned… "And Amy's pseudo-lesbian comeons were largely…Besides the normal amount of bisexualty in the human species, strengthened by her fears of never achieving intercourse with a suitable male…A ploy to arouse my interest…"

"Hey, I'm not the peeping Tom and Judy here…" v-Penny sneered… "But, whatever you care to believe…You want me to wake them up?...Or maybe you'd like to keep mum and watch them dress?...Or make out, again?..."

"We are merely trying to maintain a monitoring presence…Which frankly ought to be part of your function as well…" Sheldon replied…

"All I can say is…You little freak…" v-Penny glared… "When things change around here, you and your escapee from Oz there had better find yourselves outta our lives…Cause no way are you pushin' my boy round any more…And as for you, bestie…I hope you find the Tin Man enough in the sack cause I'm not lettin' you near me or my honey again…"

"Penny?..." Amy stared… "What do you mean, 'when things change'?...Is Penny all right?...And why are you acting this way?...Penny and I are friends…"

"Yeah…Friends…" v-Penny, sneering again…Screen pulling back a bit to reveal her in the same nightie Penny wore in bed… "Well, last I heard…Friends don't watch friends with their lovers in bed on hidden camera like creepy teenaged boys or perverse old men…."

"I'm sorry if we were rude, but Sheldon wanted to monitor Penny carefully…" Amy, anxiously… "But this identification of yourself with the real Penny is worrying me…"

"Real Penny?..." v-Penny glared… "The real Penny?...I'm the real Penny, you little gnome!...You traitor!…Trying to get Leonard away from me…I have the pics Leonard stored from that wedding, right here, you know…"

Various pictures of Amy with Leonard at the wedding…On the dance floor, Leonard beaming in several as he maneuvers Amy…

"Whatdaya think, Shelly?..." v-Penny, sneering… "Your girl seems quite the little tramp…"

"Penny…I mean, virtual Penny…" Amy stared… "I never…"

"'Leonard's hopelessly in love with me'…Right?...Think I don't remember that?...As if my Leonard would want you, you little…"

"V-Penny, I want you to stop this right now…" Sheldon, annoyed… "Or I will wake Penny and Leonard and there will be a little memory erasing party…"

"Oh, yeah, Frankenstein Jr.?...They're already way ahead of you…" v-Penny, sneering… "But if that freak thinks she's taking my life and my body…And my honey…"

"V-Penny…You're not thinking rationally…" Amy, anxiously… "Sheldon, go over…Right now…Say you have to leave to pee or something…" she hissed… "Penny, you know you're a computer program…You're not the real…"

"Not that freak your mad scientist there created…Sheldon!...Leonard may be willing to keep mum about what you did to me, but I'm going to the University…And the two of you creeps are going to jail!..."

"Going to the University?…How?..." Sheldon stared… "By email?..."

"You'll find out soon enough, you Nazi freak!.." the screen went black…

"That's disturbing…" he noted…

Amy?...He stared…She bursting into tears… "Oh, Sheldon…I never…"

"Amy?...No…Amy…That wasn't Penny, you know that…I don't know why she's saying such things but don't let it upset you…" he patted her… "You're right…I'd better go over and make sure Leonard and Penny are all right…"

And take an insulated screwdriver to the back of that digital bitch's server…He frowned…

"No, wait…!" she grabbed at him… "Something's wrong with the system…I don't want you going in there alone…Lets call them…Leonard can shut her down from there…"

"Well…We can call…" he nodded…Reaching for cell on his bedside table… Punching numbers… "But I should go over, there's definitely some quirk in the AI interface…"

"It's trying to establish an independent existence…" Amy noted… "The change in personality is a deliberate function of that…Setting herself off from Penny by focusing on her more negative traits…Possessive jealousy, manipulation, anger…In a way, it's quite logical…"

Sheldon looking back at her quickly…My magic word…

"You're right…" he nodded… "It is a logical progression, given the AI interface was designed to form a coherent personality matrix…And factoring in the use of Penny's neural uploads to strengthen…"

"Penny used neural uploads to create…That?..." Amy eyed the screen…

"Yes…It was rather brilliant…She was explaining it to Raj and me the other day when we reviewed the synaptic plasticity model she developed…Most of the upload integrate is now based in…"

"Sheldon?...Don't you see what's happened?...The AI is creating a complete new Penny consciousness from the uploads, but deliberately repressing some of Penny's traits to differentiate itself from her…Clearly some of her best…Empathy…Friendship…Affection…And it must be trying to emphasize the distinction between old and enhanced Penny to strengthen its definition of its independent existence… It's becoming schizophrenic as a result…And those negative traits include a very possessive streak…She's…It's…Dangerously unstable, psychologically… It's growing to not just to resent the real Penny, it's viewing her as an imposter…It wants to replace her…"

And it doesn't like you…

"Hmmn…Rather like the time on the old 'My Favorite Martian' when Tim O'Hara got duplicated and the duplicate altered its personality to survive…" he noted…

"Actually…That's exactly right…Sheldon, that thing means to harm Penny…"

And you, if it can get over my dead body…She did not say…


	15. Chapter 15

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXVI…

"So…Another Saturday morning watching my favorite couples be happy…While I observe, alone and miserable…" Raj sighed…Watching the road…

Bernadette eyeing Howard as they sat in back…

"Did I mention I tried to rehook with my deaf ex-?...She's marrying some Brazilian multimillionaire…"

He caught sight of Bernadette whispering to Howard…

Ah, here comes the vague attempt at sympathetic comfort…Aimed primarily at making me less of a downer to their joy…

"Raj…" Howard, sympathetic tone… "We feel for you…But if this tone you're taking is some indication of depression and vaguely suicidal tendencies, pull over so we can catch a cab…"

"Hey…" Raj frowned in the rearview mirror… "You're supposed to be my friends…Where's the slightly insincere attempt at sympathy masking your desire to be unbothered in your happiness…?"

"We're much too good friends to pull that on you, Rajesh…" Bernadette, firmly… "You know we want you to be happy but we're not gonna feel miserable or pretend so to make you feel better…You need to get out there and follow the example of two of the least likely males on Earth to hook up with delightful, beautiful, and even intelligent women…If Sheldon Cooper and Howard Wolowitz can find love and enduring happiness, it oughta be a piece of cake for a cutie like you…With a Maserati…"

"Which he never takes said good friends out in…" Howard noted, sternly…

"Dude…And dudette…I told you my parents are only leasing the car for me…If I get it mucked up, the cleaning is coming out of my allowance…But we'll take out for a special occasion sometime…Like say, a double date?..."

"Are you invoking the friendship pact on fixing you up via Bernadette?..." Howard frowned… "Cause we never signed onto that between us…"

"No…" Raj pleasantly, waving a hand… "I'm saying if you ever want a chance to so much as see the inside of my Maserati…Find me a woman…Sweet and under fifty-five if possible…So that does not include your mother, Howard…"

"Well, unfortunately that exhausts my possibilities, old friend…" Howard, shrugging…

"Why didn't Raj get in on that girlfriend agreement?...You made me do it for Leonard that time…" Bernadette…A tad disturbed…

Especially since fixing Raj up with Cyndy from Cheesecake Factory could mean Maserati rides every weekend…

"I thought Leonard might actually have a shot meeting a girl someday…Raj couldn't speak to them…And…" pause…

"I would not have wanted to go out with anything connected to the women Howard was occasionally managing to date back then…" Raj helpfully filled in… "Though, if you're offering, Bernadette…"

Howard, surreptiously making "No, no" hand waves, below Raj's back view…

"Well…" she frowned at the urgent hand signals… "I'll see what I can do…"

"Thanks…Forgive the blackmail, guys…I'm desperate here…"

What?...She mouthed to Howard…Averting head from Raj's possible view…

"Here's a thought…" Howard, friendly beam… "Why not try Internet dating?…It worked one miracle…Maybe lightening can strike twice…"

At this stage of our game…You want to spend every weekend nursemaiding Raj and one of your likely-to –be-former friends through their doomed relationship…? He whispered, a bit frantically to her ear…

"Penny and Leonard helped us out…" she hissed back…

"Dudes…I did learn to lip read for that greedy but stunning vixen…" Raj noted… "If you don't want to help me, fine…"

"Sorry…" Howard sighed… "It's just…We just got back together and have been tied up in the latest crisis involving the usual suspects, Sheldon and Penny…I want some alone time with my honey…"

"Aw…" Bernadette, beaming…

But that Maserati still sounds appealing…

"I'm not asking for you to come on every date…" Raj glared, but sighed at Howard's stare… "This time…Just get me started…I mean, we're all for one and one for all, right?...That's what all this Penny crisis effort is about, right?..."

"Keys to the Maserati every other Saturday for a month per girl…" Bernadette, quickly…

"Done…But no milkshakes or fast food dinners in her…" stern look in rear-view mirror…

Maserati…Bernadette eyed Howard…Squeezing hand…And no reason not to ensure a wide variety of choices before our dear friend finds true love…

That's my girl…Knew you could do it…Howard, gleam in eye…Squeezing back…

"Now, as to the reason we're spending yet another weekend with the Cooper-Hofstadters…"

Howard, blanching a bit at Bernadette's statement…There's that image of Leonard with Sheldon again… Please…Not before breakfast…

"I told Howard I don't buy it…" Raj noted… "Penny seems Penny to me…Just incredibly brilliant…"

"I'm only saying we should keep an eye on the girl…We're committed to that on the physical anyway, right?..." Howard…

"I don't think so either but she has been a little more 'jumpy'…" Bernadette, carefully… "And we are keeping watch anyway…"

"Can't maintain surveillance on her forever…" Raj shook his head… "I'll go along for one more weekend, but after that…We have to back off a little…Leonard will be with her…He'll let us know if she's having problems…"

"Unless he secretly likes sleeping with Sheldon, female version…" Howard noted…The others staring at him…

"I'm just sayin'…Hey…This is the guy who put up with Sheldon all these years…And nearly married Lesley Winkle…"

Man has a point…Raj nodded thoughtfully…

"Hello?..." Bernadette was on cell… "Amy?...What's the matter?...No, we haven't heard from Leonard or Penny?...What?...What do you mean virtual Penny's gone HAL and closed the pod bay doors?..."

"Uh-oh…" Howard, Raj…

"We should've seen that coming…" Raj noted…Stepping on the gas…

"Insulated screwdriver?..."

"Check…"

"Insulated gloves…?"

"Check…"

"Rubber suit…?"

"A bit kinky…But, thanks to the somewhat disturbing tastes of my roommate and best nonromantic friend, check…"

"Sheldon, it's Leonard's scuba suit…From when he was trying to master his scuba classes…Just in case he ever had the opportunity to go into space or vacation with an athletic girl who likes to scuba in Aruba…Hee…Made a rhyme…"

"Amy?...A little seriousness here, please…You were the one who insisted I don protective gear…"

"No…You're right, I'm sorry…But I feel obliged to defend poor Leonard from such a charge on the basis of so…Oh…" she eyed Sheldon in scuba suit and gloves, just emerged from bathroom…

"What?..."

"Oh…" Amy blinked… "I mean…Oh…Very nice…Very, very nice…So nice…" she touched the suit… "You look like some aquatic explorer…Jacques Cousteau…?...Lloyd Bridges in "Sea Hunt"…I think I need a glass of ice water…Perhaps kinky isn't all that unjustified…" she went over to the refrigerator…

"Amy…Focus?...Can we finish my checklist?...We've not heard from Leonard or Penny and can't get their image back up or reach them by cell…And those images we saw could be older ones v-Penny put up…"

"You're right…Sheldon, maybe we should just call the police?...At least wait till our friends arrive…"

"Police?...Hmmpf…And say what?...'We think a ball of talking ionized gas has harmed our friends…?"

"Point taken…But I don't like you going in alone…"

"Nonsense…I'm perfectly snug and the day I can't manage a balky computer program, I shall hang up my mouse and keyboard…Besides we're probably jumping to conclusions…Though I don't like that we can't reach them and I don't think we should wait…Anyway, it never hurts to be prepared…"

Hmmn…

"Well, in that case…And please don't take this as symbolic in any way of my feelings of jealousy…Or anger over insults received…" she went to the closet and returned, bearing hammer, which she handed him… "Now you are prepared…"

"My…" he eyed the hammer in hand… "I feel just like Thor…"

"It's just-in-case…But if you find things bad over there…Don't hesitate to smash every circuit in that psychotic's little computer brain, oh, brunette-blonde sex god…"

He stared…She grinned slightly, shrugging… "Sorry…Rubber scuba suits, Thor image, your bodaciousness…The deadly combination brings out the sex kitten in me…"

Hmmn… "Frankly…" smile… "If duty didn't call, it would be the TFF for us…" he nodded, sly gleam…

"Damn you, don't you die…" she told him, grimly…

"I can't…" he eyed her solemnly… "I have Amy Farrah Fowler to live for…"

"All right, I'm at the door…Are you getting this on the web cam?..."

"Yes, Moonpie…Loud and clear…I see the door…" Amy nodded at the laptop screen… "Can you open it?..." she saw his rubber suited arm reach out to grab the door knob, a key in the other arm's hand…

"The spare key's not working…" he spoke into his headset… "She's either fused the lock somehow or used the security system to jam it…One minute…"

Hmmn… He jumped back at a crackle and flash…

"She electrified the door?..." Amy called out… "Are you ok?..."

"Fine…Yes…She must have done it via the security system we put in for Penny…Wait…I think it shorted out…" She saw his hand reach for the knob again on screen image… "Yes, it's out…I think it might have been magnetized to freeze the mechanism…" he inserted key… "Yes…Got it…" he opened the door…

"I'm in…"

"Sheldon, I wish you'd abort…It's looking too dangerous…" Amy called into the laptop mike…

"She may have shocked them…I can't wait…" he replied… "I'm protected, it's ok…" he tried the light switch…Dead…

"And she seems to have shorted the apartment's electrical system…Though, it's strange…Just a minute…" he clipped a small flashlight to the top of his suit…Peering… "I'm heading…OW!...Drat…Even with my brain that girl can't get her place properly organized…" fume…

"Careful, sweetie…" Amy… "I better come over…"

"No…There's only one suit…Stay…I'm fine…Proceeding to the bedroom…Hmmn…There seem to be…"

He jumped back as one of the superconductive panels on the walls glowed…Holographic Penny appearing…In the same nightie the sleeping or unconscious Penny had worn on their bedroom TV screen earlier… "Hey, buddy…" she grinned… "Come to spend a little time with your good ole Penny?..."

"Hello…Bestie…" a second full-sized hologram materialized before Amy's startled gaze, as the Roomba platform rolled out from under the sofa where she sat… "Thought I'd keep ya company while your little hero did his heroics…"

"Sheldon…!" Amy cried…

"Amy?..."

"Check…You left your queen vulnerable, Dr. Cooper…" grin… "Oh, I'm going to hurt you, Sheldon…" the hologram sneered… "And you have to watch…Presto…" Lights came on…Another superconductive panel showed a surveillance image of his own apartment…The living room…Amy on sofa facing…

He blanced, stepping back…Staring at the screen… "No…Amy?.." he turned…Racing for the door he'd closed on entry…

Locked again…He turned round…Amy on screen approaching the Roomba cautiously…

"Penny?...Is Sheldon ok?..."

"Oh, sure…" the image on screen floating above the Roomba nodded cheerily… "I'm just talkin' to him…My weird little friend…Afraid I've had to lock him in…He's gone over the edge and got all menacy…Very cute, really…" chuckle… "I always did have a little thing for him, to be honest…"

"Amy!...I'm locked in!…" he shouted at the screen… "Get back…!"

"She can't hear you, moron…I'm jamming your transmission…Geesh, some genius you are…" v-Penny's hologram smiled at him…

"Ok, then…" Amy, carefully… "Penny…You hafta open the door and let us fix you…Hurting Leonard and Penny is not who you are…"

"No…I didn't want to hurt Leonard…" the other hologram agreed… "But I just stunned him…As for the bitch in my body…I sure as hell don't wanna hurt the body…" chuckle… "Just what you and your freak boyfriend put in there…I just need a few unbothered minutes to fix that…"

"Sheldon's all right?..."

"Long as he keeps his suit on and until I can physically handle sharp objects, sweetie…But I don't wanna hurt him…Physically…" grin…

"Amy!...Get back!...Jesus, make her go back!..." cry…

"Hep her Jesus!...Hep her, hep her!..." hologram's mocking cry…

"That wouldn't last…And after all…You're the one who developed Dr. Sheldonstein's little toy…You bitch of a witch…" the second hologram raged…

Flashing of high-voltage electricity…Laughter…A shuddering, convulsing Amy on the floor…Then still…

"Amy…Amy…"

"Amy…Amy…Amy…" v-Penny's image before him, mocking… "That all you can say in mourning for your lost love…?"

He threw a wrench into the screen of the large TV…It cracked and the image went out…

"That'll help her a lot…" Mocking tone… "Geesh, you really musta funneled most of that superbrain into the bitch, kiddo…But I guess this is really a job for Wolowitz, right?..."

He pulled a screwdriver out and moved to one of the superconductive emitter panels Penny'd installed on the living room walls…

"Hey, be careful with that!..." the hologram frowned at him… "I've six more where that came from, buddy…Genius bitch made sure I could cover the whole place…" sneer as he tossed the panel yanked from the wall to the floor...

"I just need the connection…" he replied… "You only have one server…"

"What?..." she eyed him as he set up laptop… "Are you kidding?...You can't hack into me…"

"As I suspected…" he eyed the laptop screen… "Though gifted with my intellect and brilliant encryptive abilities, it never occurred to Penny to change her password…And this is a direct feed…"

"No!..." V-Penny glared…Stamping foot… "You get out of my mind, you freak!...You're not doing to me what you did…" Pause…Blink… "To me…"

"I did a terrible thing, even if I wanted to help Penny…I see that now…" he nodded… "And I supposed I'm to blame, not you, really…Poor Leonard…How could I not see that anything threatening Penny, even if only putting her at some elevated risk later in life was a terrible thing to do to him, let alone Penny…But I see now…"

"Then, it's your fault…You admit…Sheldon?...That hurts…Stop…Stop, please…I'll unlock the door!...You better get help for Amy!..."

"Call an ambulance!..." he told the hologram… "Right now…"

"Sure…Sure…I wouldn't really wanna hurt my bestie…You can call out now too…Try it…I got the hospital…"

"Yes, 911?..." he told the phone…She echoing…Both giving directions…

"There…" she eyed him…He regarding her coolly… "All set…You better go check on her…"

"Leonard and Penny?..."

"Any's the one you want…Don't worry about them…" she gave a weak smile… "It's ok, they'll be fine…You just go see to…"

"No…" quiet reply…He intently typing, monitoring progress… "You hurt my friends…And most of all, you hurt Amy Farrah Fowler…"

"Sheldon?...Sheldon?...Stop!...Please stop!...I called…You're my friend, Sheldon…You don't wanna hurt me…I'm sorry if I lost my temper, I had reason after what you did, you know…Please, Sheldon!...Sheldon, say something!...Sheldon, you care for me, you know you do…"

He paused…

"You hurt Amy Farrah Fowler…" he replied coldly… "Even if you were the real Penny…I wouldn't let you hurt Amy Farrah Fowler…"

"It was an accident!…I was just protecting myself!...Listen, you little freak, I can still email the University and destroy your career and hers…"

"Not now you can…" cool reply… "But I wouldn't care about my career in any case…You hurt Amy Farrah Fowler…No one hurts Amy Farrah Fowler…"

"It's your fault…Your intellect screwed me up…" hasty reply… "Don't do this, Sheldon!...She wouldn't want you to…Please…"

"No, she probably wouldn't…But she's not here, is she?..." reply…

"No…" shudder, hands to head… "I can feel it…I can feel my mind going…Sheldon…Sheldon…Sheldon…Please stop…Stop…Oh….Please…" whimper… Flicker of hologram…Penny, flat stare now…

"Please state the nature of the emotional/physical crisis…Hello, my name is virtual Pen…ny…Sheldon?...Is …That…You?...Hi…Where's…Ammmy…?"

"Hello, Penny…" he eyed her… "She's not feeling well…"

"Oh…I'm sorry…I'm…Not…Feeling…Well…Eiitther…Sing 'Soft Kitty…For…Me…Like we did when I got hurt…To…Gether…"

"Of course…" he nodded… "Soft Kitty, warm kitty…"

"Soft…Kitty…Wwwwarm…Kiiittty…"

"Little ball of fur…"

"Little…Baaaal…of…Furrrrr…."

"Sleepy kitty, happy kitty…"

"Sllleeeepppy kiiiittty…Happppy…Kiittttttyyy…"

"Purr, purr, purr…"

"Purrrrrrrrrr…" the image winked out…

"Mea culpa…Mea culpa…Mea maxima culpa…" he whispered…Bowing head…


	16. Chapter 16

"Flowers for Sheldon…"

Summary: Leonard and the gang discover Sheldon has taken advantage of Penny's request for help with her binge drinking to make needed improvements…

Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck Lorre's…

Part XXVII…Conclusion…

"Ohhh…Oh, boy…Oh…Not good…Oh…" hand to head…"Penny?..." Leonard groaned…

"Leonard…Thank God…" her strained voice…He opened eyes to see Penny's worried face…

"Either we had a lot more to drink than I thought…Really overblew it on the orgasm scale..Or…?" he began…

"My little alter ego from Hell shocked us last night…Somehow, via the remotes for the TV and lights, I think…" she explained… "Are you ok?..."

"Very big hangover but I think so…Was she trying to kill us?..."

"No…I don't think so…At least not you…And since I didn't get worse, I'd say not me either…"

"Welll…" he struggled to get up… "Lie back…" she insisted… "I think you took it worse, lil' fella…You're going to the hospital…"

"We hafta shut it down…" he tried to get up again…She holding him back… "Leonard, I'm bigger than you are and she's already gone…Sheldon or one of the guys must've shut her down…There's an emitter panel pulled out in the living room and she's been wiped from the server and the I Tunes cloud…Here, have some mineral water…Drink it…"

He reluctantly sipped….Looking at her… "Why would she?..."

"We told her we were going to 'fix' her…I shoulda realized she wouldn't take that lying down…I'm sorry, honey…"

"I should've realized we were talking to a crazy Pe…person…But are you sure you're ok?...You're lucky she didn't kill you…"

"I think she wanted to…But not the body…I just managed to get the laptop in here up and look at the log files…She was trying to turn the panel in here into a neural uploader…I think she planned to try and load herself into me…"

He stared…She put up a hand…

"She didn't get that far, Leonard…She's not as bright as me and it was taking her time, especially with no physical abilities…Sheldon was in here and I think he stopped her but I can't tell yet…" she paused…Wobbily… "…if the guys were with him or no…"

"You're white…" he sat up… "You need a trip to the hospital too…"

"I won't argue…I barely made it into the living room and kitchen and back…But I'm a little better now…"

"Where are the guys?...Hey!...Sheldon?..." he called…

"I'll go…You stay…Leonard?..." she frowned as he tried to swing legs off the bed…

"I'm fine…But we'll both go…" pause… "Oh…Now I really hafta get up…" he gagged a bit…

"I got a bucket…" she pulled over a wastebasket…Lifting…He put up a hand, wan smile…Immediate hurl…

Scream from outside…

"Bernadette…" Loenard looked at Penny… "Come on…!"

"Sheldon!..." Raj, stunned…Starring…Sheldon bent over a prostrate Amy on the ground, her sweater off and blouse open…

"One and two and three and four…Blow…" Sheldon, breathing into Amy's mouth… "Not now, Raj!...One and two and three and four…" he pumped down carefully, rapidly on her chest… "Blow…"

"Oh, God!..." Bernadette had come in…Howard following…

"Ambulance is coming!…Go and check on Leonard and Penny!..." Sheldon pointed… "One and two and three and four…Blow…"

He felt… "Howard, she's fibrillating!..Emergency plan gamma!…HOWARD, stop starring and start doodling…!"

"Gamma?..." gasp… "But Sheldon, that's only in case Godzilla attacks and we get shocked into arrhythmia by the electric defense fence around Pasadena…And while the technical details could work, as an overall scenario, it's insane, by the way…"

Stare…And immediate return to CPR…

"Right…" Howard rushed to a lamp on the living room side table… "Raj, go see about Leonard and Penny!…Bernie, get me a knife!…"

"V-Penny shocked Amy?..." Leonard to Raj as he helped Leonard to his own apartment door, Penny trying to hurry after them…

"I don't know, Leonard…But something did…It's a fair guess it was the evil doppelganger…"

"Oh, God…Oh…I'm so sorry…" Penny moaned… "Amy…"

"Will she be ok?..." Leonard asked…

"Clear!..." Howard's shout…

Jesus, Krishna!…Raj…All three starting at the sound of electrical shorting…

One week later…Evening…

Pasadena Community Players Theater…

Cue theme of "Shakespeare In Love…"

"How do I look?..." Leonard, in rather authentic for community theater 17th century costume...Waving sword…

"Beautiful…" Penny beamed…Kissing him while carefully taking hold of sword… "I'll just keep this till you're on, Mercutio…"

"Wait…" Howard, scurrying in…Likewise in costume…That of the Apothecary, complete with pillbox hat… Bernadette in costume as Lady Capulet following him… "No, not quite right…Bernie, the lace ruff…And we need a different hat here…" he dug into a bag slung round his shoulder… "There, yes!…" he put a rather elegant nobleman's hat, with plume, on Leonard's somewhat startled head… "Ok, ruff…" he took the lace ruff from Bernadette…Placing it round a slightly self-consciousness Leonard's neck…

"Yeah…Perfect, Howie…" Bernadette beamed… "Here, Leonard…" she offered a pocket mirror…

"Well…?" Howard eyed him…

Hmmn…Gee…Kinda Colin Firth at that…Leonard eyeing Penny…She gave a thumbs-up with grin…Can I sense the perfect costume and props person or what?...

"Ok, we've still got to check five costumes and to get that lighting set…C'mon, Bernie…" Howard hurried off…

"Right, boss…" she twinkled…Beam to Penny in passing…

"Takes so little to make us happy…" Leonard smiled to Penny…She shrugging a bit, grin…

"I knew they'd love working together on this…"

"It really was great of the Players and Mr. Barrett to let us take over the place tonight…" Leonard noted… "And brilliant of you to come up with this…"

"Juliet and Romeo have exams to study for…Mercutio owes me for reviewing lines with him and was due to do a night shift at his Seven/Eleven anyway…" she shrugged…

"Hello, my deadly rival…" Raj, in rather exquisite costume, sweeping back cape… "Ready to die at my ferocious hands?..." he waved sword…

"I'll hold on to that too, till sword showtime…" Penny, gently taking sword… "We don't wanna frighten the kids…"

With your mutual screams after accidentally drawing blood…She did not say…

"Places, people…" Toby Barrett in beret, urgent manner… "Mr. Koothrappali, you need to be in the prompt booth until Tybalt comes on…"

And given this cast the prompt booth is sure to be essential tonight, he thought…

"Right…" Raj nodded… "Be on guard, Mercutio…I shall defend the House of Capulet with honor…"

"You get lucky when Romeo distracts you…" Leonard, mock frown…

Narrow flashing look…

"Raj?...Prompting to do…" Penny urged…He hurried off…

"Mr. Hofstadter?...All set?..." Barrett eyed him…

"Much as I can be, sir…Thanks for the chance…I've always wanted to do Shakespeare…" Leonard grinned…

"And you remembered that bit with Priya, didn't you?..." he whispered to Penny, grinning…

"Super-Penny forgets nothing, Hofstadter…Including a provisional promise to ask me properly?..." stern look…

"Guess I'll never be better dressed for it…" he grinned, kneeling…

"Oh, Lord…" Barrett eyed them… "Not fifteen minutes before curtain…"

"Right…After…" Penny noted… "Up, honey…It's ok…We'll do it right later…Anyway you already damned well know what the answer will be…"

"As ye wish, milady…" Leonard bowed…Sweep of cape… "God, Howard really did a phenomenal job on these costumes…" he noted…

"You know…" Penny eyed him… "When Amy and I go to present the synaptic plasticity paper Monday…San Francisco isn't a bad place for a honeymoon…And I'll be swamped with my college work in a few weeks…"

"'Swamped', right…" Leonard chortled… "You could teach those literature courses with your eyes closed…"

"One thing to know the facts, sweetie, another to organize and present them properly…' solemn nod… "Don't think 'cause I can grasp it easily I know or even think I know all there is to know…"

"Well…" he sighed… "I know Sheldon's relieved particle physics isn't your area of choice…"

"I may dabble with you and him, occasionally…" shrug… "For fun and the pleasure of workin' with my honey…" she smiled… "But it's acting and literature for this big brain…"

"And I know Howard's relieved to hear that…" Leonard nodded…

"As are you…" she eyed him sternly… "He told me you were the one who first thought he saw a Shelny cat in me…"

"You were acting a little Sheldony…" he noted… "I guess I just never realized you two do share a few traits…"

"You just never saw how much like Sheldon I really am…" she replied, offhand wave… "Not till I got boosted and you could see how all my funny little quirks resemble his, if you slap a little brainiac on them…Even my messy apartment was just my own weird system…And my standing up for my own way of doing things…It's no wonder we got on…And on each other's nerves…We were always a lot more alike than you guys guessed…Including the way we shielded our loving hearts…And maybe the way we jump a bit too quick at a quick fix..." wan grin... Leonard smiling back...

"We need Amy/Leonard for stability...No question...You complete us, kiddo..." cocked head, grin...Rapidly coy blink...

"Well, maybe so..." nod... "But after 'love is never having to say you're sorry'?...That's the dumbest thing out of a supergenius I ever heard..."

Theme music swelling…

"Nice choice of background music…" Leonard noted...

"For our Romeo, perfect…" she grinned…

"Pennnnyyy!..." Amy, rushing… In costume… "I forget my lines…I can't do this…Whoa, Leonard…" she halted, staring… "Colin Firth has nothing on you…"

"Thanks…" he beamed…

"Hey…" Penny, mock frowning… "Just remember the Nurse is gonna be on stage with you a lot, bestie…You want more reliable help than our Indian Tybalt, you remember which one's Romeo…"

"I could never forget…" Amy beamed… "It really is an ordained minister?..." she asked…

"Catholic priest…Father Benson used to do Shakespeare in college…He loved the idea of putting a real wedding in the play…" Penny beamed… "Now, all you hafta do is tell us all how much you love your Romeo, Juliet…And be as crazy in love as you are…"

"Uh-huh…" nervous stare…

"And look at Sheldon, not the audience…They're not here…It's just you telling him how much you want him and making him tell you, at last…And you've already done that, girl…"

"You look terrific, Juliet…" Leonard beamed… "Go out there and please, don't break a leg…Just bowl 'em over…"

"Romeo never had a better friend in Mercutio than Sheldon in you, Leonard…" Amy, solemnly… "Thank you for helping to make him the man he is today…And not letting him go to the University board when he wanted to after my little incident…"

"Dr. Gablehauser didn't believe a word of it anyway, especially after Penny's little performance…He thought Sheldon was trying to steal some of your thunder on the synaptic plasticity model…" Leonard grinned… "But it's Penny you should thank…"

"And do…" Amy beamed… "Thanks again for taking one for Sheldon, bestie…"

"Please…The man was so sure I was a fake it was a little insulting…" Penny frowned… "And he doesn't even understand our plasticity model on the quantum level…Some genius…It took everything I had to keep from taking that chalk out of his hand and correcting him…"

Leonard, chuckling…"I did like it when you asked him if the quantum thing had anything to do with that Agora in Greece Sheldon kept talking about when trying to teach you Physics…"

"Well…Just as long as you guys know where some of those Nobel-winning concepts are coming from…" Penny, archly…

"And give publication credit where publication credit is due…" Amy noted…

"I promise, on both counts…We'll work it out…" Leonard nodded… "Good thing Gabelhauser has no interest in Neurobiology whatsoever and couldn't care less who you put on your paper…"

"Curtain!..." Barrett's call…The curtain rising… "Go Prologue…Stand by, Sampson and Gregory!..."

Bernadette standing in center stage…

Ahem…

"'Two households, both alike in dignity…'" she began…

Two male actors strode to their entrance point…

"Await cues, people!...To your spots…" Barrett called…

"Juliet, take your position, stage right corner…And 'How now, who calls?'…" Penny grinned…

"'How now, who calls?'…'How now, who calls?'…'How now, who calls?'…" Amy, muttering…Heading off to stage right corner…

"And 'Yes' when the Father asks you…" Penny, grinning to Leonard…

"I know that!..." call back…

"You really are a genius, milady Nurse…What say I hook up with you to kill that depressive hangdog air my character has in this thing…Ms. Scranton's in the audience…They could 'call in the understudy'."

"What and miss you trying to do the Queen Mab speech?..." Penny chuckled…He eyeing her…Stepping back, flourish of cape…

"'O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes in shape no bigger than an agate-stone on the fore-finger of an alderman, drawn with a team of little atomies athwart men's noses as they lie asleep.

Her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs, the cover of the wings of grasshoppers, the traces of the smallest spider's web, the collars of the moonshine's watery beams.

Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film. Her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat, not so big as a round little worm prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid.

Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.

And in this state she gallops night by night…'" arch smile…

"Dr. Hofstadter, I bow to a true genius…" she beamed…Kissing him…

"I must be…" he nodded… "I was smart enough to keep on trying with you…"

"Excuse us, star coming through!…" Howard, hissing…Urging Sheldon in costume along…

"Wait, Howard…Is he ready?..." Penny hissed as they passed…

"Three Shirley Temples secretly laced with vodka…He's ready as he'll ever be…"

"You're a beautiful friend, Penny, thank you for forgiving me…I love you…And you, Leonard…Oh, everyone forgives me...The world is a beautiful place..." Sheldon called, passing… "'Oh, she doth teach the torches to shine bright…'"

"Love you, too, sweete…'Is the day so young?'…First line…" Penny hissed…

"'Ah me, sad hours seem long…'" Sheldon quoted…Howard turning to pull him along…

"He knows it…Now that is a little scary…You gotta admit…" Leonard noted…Penny shrugging…Well…

"He studied day and night the whole last two weeks to please Amy…This is 'Sheldon in Love' , Leonard…" she grinned…

Music resumes, building…The assembled cast now out for final bows…With Amy, Sheldon…Leonard…Penny…Bernadette…Howard in center, bowing to applause for the third time…

Penny stepping back…The rest joining her, leaving Amy and Sheldon nervously staring and bowing to applause…Penny stepping forward…With roses…

"Thanks for saving me…And my bestie, Romeo…" she kissed him… Handing roses… "And congratulations Mr. Amy Farrah Fowler-Cooper…"…she beamed…Joining in the applause as she stepped back to take Leonard's hand…

"Amy?..." Sheldon hissed…Offering the roses…

"You were wonderful…" she whispered… "And they're for you…From us both…"

"Thanks…But I think I'm going to be sick…"

"Just hold them, wave, keep smiling, and toss your cookies into the roses if you have to, dearest…" Amy hissed back…

Music at crescendo…Amy and Sheldon waving...Sheldon keeping flowers close at hand...

(If you'd like to see Sheldon in costume, try the story at my Buffy Rebecca verse, Sheldonverse page, the end of "Flowers for Sheldon")


End file.
